"I know, but I'm why he focused his sick fuckness on you. I'm why he shot up the mall and why Perri is dead and Jenn almost died. I'm why that guy whose name I don't even know died. That's on me. If Zombie shot up a different place, it would be on someone else."
Bebe says nothing because there's nothing to say. I live a dangerous life and stare down dangerous men. One of those dangerous men killed her friend and nearly killed her. Tallulah has a broken arm because of what I did at Chuck E. Cheese. Bebe can't rearrange reality to make my guilt a lie.
"If Ginger didn't piss off Trigger, Sabine would be alive," Bebe says, leaning her face against my back. "Or maybe Sabine would be dead anyway. If Mom had worked a different job, she'd be alive or maybe she wouldn't. Maybe my life would have been better or maybe it would have been worse. If I didn't fuck Howie, he wouldn't have sold Tallulah to Taz. She wouldn't exist either. Bad things happen because bad people do bad things. If you hadn't stood up to Zombie that day, maybe he would have though you were weak, so he'd come to hurt me and Tallulah on a different day. Then maybe you wouldn't get there and we wouldn't make it out battered but alive. I know I'm just going on and on, but I can't make what I'm thinking sound right."
Bebe runs her fingers through my hair. "Bad things happened to me before I ever met you. Tallulah was nearly ripped out of my womb because Howie wanted to sell her. You aren't the reason bad things happen, Pax. Zombie was a monster destroying lives before you ever met him."
"He taunted me before he shot up the mall. I was why he was there. I mean, I know what you're saying. I know I didn't make him into a freak. He killed Maggie like he killed plenty of women before. He did horrible things, but I feel like I put a target on you and Tallulah. I feel like you staying with me will keep that target there. I feel like you should leave me, but I can't let you go. I need you to stay because nothing for me will ever be good without you."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"My life is full of blood and evil fuckers."
"It also saved me from Taz. Your life gave you this home and Folgers and the chance to meet me and Tallulah."
Forcing me to turn around, Bebe cradles my face against her chest. "You're exhausted after a long few days, and you can't see the beauty of our life. You only see the pain. You've been in the cold all night. Now you need to remember how warm your life really is."
Even feeling like shit, I can't deny the soft welcome of her tits. I see those dark nipples, and my tongue needs to taste. Her sigh encouraging my hunger, I slide off the bed and kneel between her legs. Bebe whimpers at my nipping teeth on her hard nubs.
Her battered body turns to jelly until she can't remain upright. Collapsing on the bed, Bebe gently scratches at my arms and shoulders while I ravish her tits. Freeing my painfully hard dick from my jeans, I kiss Bebe softly. She clings to me, wanting to feel me inside her. Yet lifting her legs to wrap around me causes her pain.
"You'll have to be gentle," she moans.
"Maybe we shouldn't."
Balking, Bebe looks up at me like I'm insane. "You can't make me this wet then say no. No one likes a fucking tease, Pax."
I laugh, relaxing for the first time in a day. "You are wet," I murmur, sliding my cock along the hot slit of her pussy. "I don't know if I can do gentle."
"You can do whatever the fuck you want. You made me love you, didn't you?"
Smiling, I press the head of my cock inside her. "You need me."
"Yes," she whispers, closing her eyes as I take her inch by inch.
"I can't survive without you," I admit, leaning down to kiss her lips.
Bebe holds my gaze, saying nothing. She understands my need for her is almost too much to bear. I see in her eyes how scared she is by her love for me too. The way our bodies move together feels so easy though. We don't need to think. The chemistry is there. While our hearts crave more reassurance, a long life together will give us everything we need.
52
Bebe
Birthday Wishes Come True
By Christmas, Little Memphis settles into a festive amnesia. The sheriff's body is in the ground while his replacement quietly drops the search for Trigger, Zombie, and plenty of others in the club.
Darby called yesterday to tell me Flora and Orion weren't returning to Little Memphis now that Perri was dead. My friend rests in a silver urn on the shelf in Darby's library. One day, her kids will decide what they want to do with the ashes. Too young to understand where she went, they only know Darby will take care of them now. I think of them on Christmas, imagining their first holiday without their mom.