"Your mom suffered," Trigger says to his son.
"I know," Madden replies full of indifference. "Wouldn't be you to let her die quick."
When Madden glances at Joker for the okay, Trigger nearly snarls to see his boy taking orders from a traitor. I wonder if the old man is capable of understanding how he set this all in motion months ago. Does he care about how his friends died protecting Trigger's ego and legacy?
Once the machete comes down on Trigger's bicep, he's only thinking how he WILL NOT SCREAM. I see the struggle on his face.
"How many licks?" Ford whispers to me.
I get the reference and smile. Ginger chops Trigger at the calf. Madden nails his dad in the thigh. Both are careful to avoid the arteries. They don't want him bleeding out before they're done.
The answer to how many licks is ten. The winning strike goes to Ginger who does a little dance when Trigger cries out. For just a moment, I see us from an outsider's view. We're fucking psychos butchering a man. Stepping back farther though, I see how many lives Trigger's butchered. I even let myself think of Sabine hooked up to two trucks and torn apart. At a different time, I could have been standing next to the old man watching her die. I would have let it happen too, just like I let Trigger get hacked to death.
Club life ain't pretty, but I can't look away.
50
Bebe
Breaking Free of Yesterday
Sleep ends the moment I sense Pax entering the room. Startled awake, I forget my hip and move too quickly. Even gasping in pain, I need to erase the space between us. Pax is a ray of light in a long damn dark night.
Meeting me halfway, he holds back. I even worry he's angry with me, but I refuse to restrain myself. Wrapping him in my arms, I sigh with relief when he hugs me back.
"Are you okay?"
"I guess. How is Tallulah?" he asks, holding me tightly while glancing at our little girl.
"She woke up a few times but not in pain. She just doesn't like it here."
"We'll go home soon."
"Is it safe?"
Pax finally meets my gaze. His blue eyes scream fatigue, but I see something worse in them.
"Is Ford okay?" I ask, looking around. "Where's Shay?"
"They left a few minutes ago. The closing door woke you up."
"What's wrong? Do we need to leave Little Memphis?"
"No," he mumbles, allowing his fingers to slide down my hips. "We're in charge. Trigger is gone. Things will be crazy for a while with the shootings and people going missing. There were a couple fires on the West Side too. In a few weeks, the holidays will knock the violence off the front pages. People will begin to forget. That's how things roll in Little Memphis."
"What about you?"
"I'm just tired. I wanted to be here all night, and now I am. Soon we'll be home. I'm sure Folgers will have pissed in his fave corners. Oh, the tree will have gotten a squirt or two. Good thing we didn't add the presents yet."
I study Pax, wondering why he feels so distant. Our bodies press together, yet he feels so far away.
"Pax," I whisper, wanting to say a million things, but afraid they'll sound all wrong.
His hands go to my face, and I'm startled by the intensity in his eyes.
"Say you love me."
"I love you."
"Say you forgive me."
"You know I do."
"Say it."
"I forgive you, Paxton Reed."
He sighs, and the tension leaves him a little. "Say you know what kind of man I am and you still want to marry me."
"I know you're a good man to those you care about and you're a bad man to those who deserve it."
Pax gives me a weak smile. "I want to do right by you."
"You do and you will. When you mess up, we'll work through it. Just like when I mess up."
"You're perfect."
"I'm really not."
Studying my face, he smiles easier. "I can't see a single flaw."
"You're tired."
"I want a family with you. I want to build a piece of normal for us. I need to try to have what I didn't get as a kid. With you and Tallulah, I know it'll work."
"I want more kids too, and I only want them with you."
"I'll die to protect them, and I'll love Tallulah like she's my own."
"You already love her like that. I see it in your eyes whenever you look at her."
Pax nods, but I see the last day has eaten away at him. "When I couldn't find you at the mall, I realized how dumb the rest of my worries were. If I have my family, I'm solid. The rest is details."
Studying him, I whisper. "It's okay to be scared. Life does whatever the hell it wants, and we just hold on for the ride."
"Sometimes the ride ends in a flaming crash."
"Sometimes it doesn't. That's all we can hope for."
Pax glances at Tallulah, who stirs at the sound of our voices. I turn his face back to me.
"I've never been in a real relationship with a man who cared about me. I promise to try to keep my past from fucking up our future."