Pax reaches across the table and takes my hand. "I don't know nothing about rings and jewelry and shit. I figure when we get the real deal, you can come with me and pick what you like."
I frown as he slips a ring-shaped peanut shell onto my finger. "This is a perfect first ring since of how I'm nuts and all."
Staring at him, I can't be sure he's saying what I think he's saying. Pax realizes he's being too vague for someone as dumb as me.
"I want to marry you. If you want, I can do the thing where I get on my knee."
"No," I whisper. "You want to marry me for real?"
"I'm a bad guy to bad people. I don't always do right by the good ones either. Even with all that, I promise to love you, Tallulah, and any other kids we have. I'll love you as much as possible, and I'll fight to keep you safe and happy. I can't promise much, but I can promise that, Bebe."
Standing, I move to his side of the booth and join him. He wraps an arm around me, and I kiss him hard. Pax feels like I always imagined home would be like. Tallulah is staring at us when our lips part. Pax grins at her and takes a shell off the table. He cradles her little hand and slides the shell over two fingers.
"Will you be my daughter, Tallulah Green?"
Giggling, she bounces in the booth. "You can be my dad."
Pax has the oddest look on his face, and I know what he's thinking. I felt the same way when I first held Tallulah in my arms. How can I be responsible for this tiny innocent person? What if I fail? What if she realizes one day that I'm a loser? All those worriers are written across his handsome face, but Tallulah is oblivious. Showing me her shell ring, she reminds me how Pax is her dad now.
By the time the appetizers arrive, I'm a weepy mess. Pax looks even more freaked out while our kid is in heaven. The moment is bizarre, yet perfectly us. We're not normal people, and I'm okay with this fact. If I was normal, I wouldn't have Pax. If he were normal, he wouldn't be Pax. No, I like things just the way they are.
41
Pax
Pizza, Games, and Threats
Chuck E. Cheese is loud and smells like pizza. I loved the place as a kid, so I bring Tallulah while Bebe does Christmas shopping.
My appearance scares a few of the parents out of the restaurant. Grinning, I watch them go, happy for more room for Tallulah and me. We play Mario racing before squirting water in a clown's mouth. I kick ass on the shooting hoops games while she cheers me on. I don't care if I'm a big kid. Tallulah thinks I'm awesome, and her opinion is the only one in the place that matters.
After an hour of playing, we sit down for pizza. Everything is perfect until I see a walking nightmare enter a place of childhood innocence.
"Hey, Homerun," Zombie says, stopping at our table.
Dark hair sticking up, he appears to have come from a wild night of partying.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, standing up to face him.
"I like the salad bar."
Frowning, I glance in the direction he's pointing, having never realized they served salad. Why the hell would I eat lettuce at Chuck E. Cheese?
Returning my focus to Zombie, I catch him reaching out to pat Tallulah's head. Instinct takes over, and I slap his hand away before shoving him away from her.
"Fuck off," I growl.
Reacting the way any asshole would, Zombie pushes me, and my hip bangs into the table. Tallulah gasps in fear and slides under the booth to hide.
"What is your problem?" Zombie yells, stretching out his arms.
"I don't want you touching her."
"Why?" he asks, lowering his voice as if genuinely shocked.
My anger wants to remind him how he rapes, tortures, and murders women for fun. Tallulah doesn't need to hear such things, yet my temper isn't always easy to manage.
"I don't want to argue," I say. "Let's just put it this way. If you touch her, I'll hack off your fingers. I don't want you looking at her, or I'll have to dig your eyes out your ugly face. You know, don't even breathe on her. That way, I won't be forced to tear out your lungs. Yeah, just stay the fuck away from her and Bebe, so we'll have no issues."
Patting Zombie's shoulder, I smile. "It's not personal, buddy. A man needs to protect what's his, or he'll look like a pussy."
"I don't know, buddy," he says, patting my shoulder harder. "Seems to me you look weak right now by pissing yourself over a little girl getting a hello."
"You think I'm weak?" I ask, laughing even while wanting to gut the fucker. "That's so funny since you're the one who looks scared."
Even smirking, he wants to gut me too. Until he takes his last breath, Zombie only exists for violence.
"Have fun babysitting."
Once Zombie walks far enough away that I'm sure he can't jump me, I squat down and look under the table. Tallulah isn't crying, but her little body shakes. Her eyes widen when she sees me.
"It was smart to hide," I say, holding out my hands.
Tallulah crawls out from under the table and into my arms. I pick her up and wipe dirt from her pants.
"That guy is scary," I whisper. "I'm glad you're so smart. Lots of kids are dumb and wouldn't get out of the way."