Despite all the laughter and teasing, a melancholy hangs over our lunch. Will this meal be our last time all together? Christmas is two weeks away, and a few of the guys are sending their families out of town to "visit the relatives" before the holiday. Jenn is one of the women leaving early. Amanda and Darby plan to disappear with the kids late on Christmas day. I'm not worried about the leaving part, but whether we'll get to return.
When the kids get cranky around one thirty, we pay the bill and head into the cold afternoon. Tallulah bounces to an internal tune. Probably Keep Your Hands to Yourself since Pax loves the Georgia Satellite's song. I focus on her happy face and think about the man who stole both our hearts.
Once again, my shitty instincts don't kick in until after the first shot shatters a nearby window. Up ahead behind a car, Darby is already crouched with Haley. I don't have time to see where anyone else is before the gun changes from a single shot to rapid-fire.
Grabbing Tallulah, I hide behind a car, but windows shatter around us. Moving again, I try to retreat. Tallulah is crying, but she holds on tight while I hurry back to the restaurant. People are screaming and running both towards and away from me. I don't know if I'm right to return to the restaurant. Inside just feels safer, so I keep running.
A bullet tears through my jacket, grazing my skin. Even panicking at the thought of Tallulah being shot, I don't stop running. We didn't park too far from the restaurant, yet I'm dodging people and cars. No matter how fast I run, I can't seem to get away.
A car backs out as I run past it. Throwing me backwards, I land sideways. The car speeds away, barely missing Tallulah and me on the ground.
Stunned and in pain, I know I need to keep moving. I will find a safe place. I will not let Tallulah die.
Crawling now, I drag a whimpering Tallulah until we reach a parked car. My hip feels like it weighs a million pounds after the impact. Nothing's broken, and I just need to catch my breath.
Around me, everyone is still running in every direction. I realize more than one shooter is firing. No way will I reach the restaurant when I'm stuck in the crossfire.
"Mom," Tallulah whimpers
Her voice startles me, and I wonder how long I was staring at the screaming people. Seeing Tallulah's head bloodied, I check over her body for wounds. She hasn't been shot, but her arm hangs. I suspect she broke it when we fell.
Panicking, I'm frozen in my spot. What if the car we're hiding behind moves and hits us? What if I run and we're shot? What if I stay and we're shot? What do I do?
The car we're hidden behind is empty, so I push Tallulah beneath the SUV then wiggle under it too. As long as the owner doesn't return, we should be safe. My brain says someone might hit the SUV and we'll be killed. Denying my panic, I refuse to imagine anything except a happy ending. As long as we stay covered until the shooting stops, we'll be fine. Soon, I'll get Tallulah's arm fixed. Yes, everything is okay.
Pressing my scarf against her head, I cuddle my baby in my arms as we shiver on the cold ground.
"Daddy will come soon," I promise her.
Tallulah isn't crying, making me worry she's in shock. I don't know what to do besides talk about Pax.
How he swings with her at the park. How he wants a trampoline so he can jump high enough to touch the moon. How he wants to name the baby Roy. Tallulah stares into my eyes and listens to me rather than the chaos in the parking lot.
At some point, I hear Harleys approaching. Are they friend or foe? All I can do is keep talking.
The gunshots grow louder then fall silent. I don't know what's happening. I hear sirens in the distance, but the screaming people drown out the sounds. Whatever is happening, I hold Tallulah and help her think of her home.
Shivering wildly, I realize the sirens are louder while the screaming quiets. Only then, do I hear Pax yelling my name. His voice sounds so full of rage and fear.
When I tell Tallulah her daddy is here, she only nods. I wish she would cry. Her silence scares me.
Crawling out from under the SUV, I keep Tallulah low to the ground while I scan the parking lot for Pax. He's easy to spot with his size, yet I'm afraid to call out to him as if maybe this is a trap.
Despite my fear, I call out to him. He hears his name, stops, and looks for us. Waving at him, I fear the bad guys will use this moment to shoot me. I can't die right in front of my baby girl. The panic is overwhelming until Pax reaches me.
"It'll be okay," he says as if on autopilot.
Even though the words are lies, I believe them. With Pax here, we'll be safe. Under my fear is another emotion. That part of me knows Pax will get our revenge soon.
45
Pax
Keeping My Cool
We let Zombie get away.
Arriving at the mall, Ford and I enter what sounds like a war zone. Zombie fires from one end of the parking lot with Wino at another. Big Dick's nephew flees first. A car close on his tail, Ginger's people are on the job. Ford and I arrive close to where Zombie is firing. Seeing us, he waves before speeding away.