Nodding, I feel emptied out now. I can barely remember Sabine's smile. Or her laugh. She's very far away now.
Ginger's demeanor changes when a family enters the pool area. She's playing the part of a normal college-aged woman again. Also playing a role, I return to cleaning. By the end of my shift, I'm drowning under waves of grief and guilt. My only escape waits for me at home. I only pray he'll be enough.
37
Pax
Forget Now, Forgive Later
I'm stealing meth on Grand Theft Auto when Bebe arrives home. Like a puppy desperate for attention, I stare at her and wait for a sign of approval. She says nothing while walking past me to check on Tallulah taking a nap. I keep the game on pause and hope she'll throw me a bone. A smile alone would be enough to make my day.
Bebe reappears from the hallway and takes the baby monitor.
"I need to talk to you," she says in a quiet voice that sends a chill through me.
Following her downstairs, I don't know what is about to happen, but I'm fucking terrified. Something is different about Bebe now, and I fear she'll cut me loose for good.
"How long has Tallulah been sleeping?" she asks, setting the monitor on the dresser in my room.
"She crashed around twenty minutes ago."
Bebe looks tiny standing in front of me. When her gaze meets mine, I hold my breath.
"Someone told me my sister is dead, and I know it's true. Maybe I've known it all along, but I can't lie to myself anymore."
Even wanting to say something, I can't move. Bebe stares at me and struggles against tears.
"I don't forgive you," she whispers. "Not yet. I know I will because I love you too much to let you go. I still don't trust you. None of that matters right now. I'm falling apart, and I need you to help me forget."
Like a fucking moron, I have no idea what the hell she wants me to do. Bebe realizes I'm clueless, so she caresses my face. My brain switches on, and I reach for her immediately.
Bebe whimpers against my lips. When I try to pull away, she yanks me closer. Ignoring her tears feels impossible, yet she needs me and I miss her.
My lips remain on hers as we undress. My brain wants to ask questions about who told her Sabine was dead. Is this person dangerous? Should I be worried?
Instead of thinking, I let my body take control. Kissing away her tears, I explore her body until she begs to have me inside her. We both sigh when I fill her. My hips don't move while I enjoy her pussy clenching. I study her face and find her staring at me in an odd way.
"You love me," she whispers.
Unable to tell if her words are a question, I nod. "Of course, I do."
Bebe wraps her legs around me and lifts her hips. She wants me to fuck her, yet I feel like we're supposed to talk or share feelings. Bebe doesn't want therapy. She wants to forget her pain by embracing pleasure. I'm no good with words, but I can give Bebe relief.
Our bodies remain together for the next few hours. We only stop when we hear Tallulah stirring on the monitor. Realizing we'll need to leave the bed soon, Bebe clings to me.
Laughing at something on TV, Tallulah's voice sounds like music on the monitor. We grudgingly get up and dress.
Bebe slides on her panties then sighs. "Sabine and I weren't close like you and Ford. I loved her though. I really hoped she was safe."
"I'm sorry. Do you know how she died?"
Bebe shakes her head. "Ginger just said you and her would get revenge."
Yanking on my tee, I pretend hearing that name doesn't hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. Why is she talking to my woman? The questions will need to wait.
Before we go upstairs, Bebe leans against me. "Help me tonight with Tallulah. I don't want her noticing me upset."
"She probably will anyway," I say, holding her. "She always notices stuff. She's too smart that way."
Bebe gives me a weak smile. "She is smart. It's the only thing good she got from having Howie as a dad."
"Don't talk about him," I say too strongly.
"Because he hurt your dog?"
"Because he hurt my family," I mutter, wrapping her tighter in my arms. "And I don't like him being the one to pop your cherry. You should have been well fucked your first time. It's something I feel deeply about."
Bebe lets me hold her. None of the squirming away from the last few days. Even if she hasn't forgiven me completely, her smile is full of love. I hold her hand as we walk upstairs to find a sleepy Tallulah still watching TV in bed.
The kid instantly knows her mom is upset. Lying like a good mommy, Bebe doesn't dump life's ugliness on her child. My mom would have told me the truth. Your aunt's dead. Bad things happen all the time. Might as well write your will now. Have any toys you want to leave to your brother when you're dead?
Putting on a happy face for Tallulah, Bebe makes her daughter a snack before I insist we go out for dinner. I know she plans to cook, but I want the rest of the night filled with pampering of my woman. When I tell her this idea, Bebe gives me a great smile. Yeah, complete forgiveness isn't too far around the corner.
38
Bebe