I roll my eyes.
“If she lets you in, then good. I’ll be happy with the outcome either way because right now I know she’s moving on and we’re going to do that together. It’s good, Dani. Really good.”
“I’m so happy for you, Lee.”
“Thanks, babe.”
“How do you feel about tonight? Nervous? You are, aren’t you?”
“Dani, I’m out of my mind, could puke, nervous.”
She laughs and proceeds to spend the rest of my ride home talking my nerves down.
I’M GOING TO PUKE.
Maybe.
Probably.
“Is he here yet, Mommy?”
“Not yet, little bird,” I tell Molly and laugh when her little lips pull into a frown.
To say my daughter is excited would be a great understatement.
“Come here, baby. He’ll be here soon and then you can tell him all about our day.”
She climbs into my lap and settles in to wait. Sofia the First fills the room and I settle back with her curled against me and think about how the morning went.
It wasn’t the same madness that had met me the last time I picked her up from the Reid’s. Since I didn’t arrive until well after lunch—thanks to a very long shower with Lee—Axel had already left for work, dragging Nate with him to ‘learn the ropes,’ according to a laughing Izzy. I think Izzy could tell my nerves were sparked bright. Her knowing eyes spoke volumes. Of course, she also knew that I spent the night with Lee since the first words I stuttered were just that.
“I think Lee is my boyfriend,” I told her with my cheeks flaming.
Izzy had barked out a laugh and pulled me into a tight hug.
“That’s just their way, honey. His father was the same way with Dee. Axel the same with me. Greg and Melissa. Maddox and Emmy. Asher and Chelcie. My sweet Dani with Cohen. Heck, even Davey had his moment with Sway. These men, it’s just how they are. When they set their minds to something there is nothing and no one that will hold them back. And sweetheart, before you even let this thought take root in your mind, when they know, they know and they know in a way that sticks forever.”
Of course that did nothing but make me freak out even further, causing Izzy to laugh harder, and Molly to join in while dancing in circles around us. I came down from my freak out . . . until I got my little bird home and while I watched her pick and peck at her snack, my nerves climbed once again.
I should have known better. With Molly, there needed to be no doubt.
Leaning my head back, I settle in for our wait and playback my conversation with Molly.
“Mommy, what did Mrs. Izzy mean? About being sticky forever?”
I turn my head from the counter I had been wiping—the same spot for the last five minutes—while staring off into space. Her brown eyes full of curiosity smile up at me from the table.
“Not sticky forever, little bird. She was talking about a feeling, kind of. She meant it like how I love you will be a feeling that sticks to me like yummy, chewed up bubble gum.”
Her nose crinkles and her lips twist in a way that I know she’s holding in a giggle. “That’s gross, Mommy!” she tells me seconds before peals of laughter come bubbling out of her mouth. “I don’t want to stick to you with chewy bubblegum!”
Smiling, I move from the counter and over to sit next to my sweet, full-of-love, daughter.
“It’s a little different than that, sweets, that’s just the best way to explain it.”
She stops laughing out loud, but those eyes of hers are still burning with amusement. I watch her expressive face as she thinks about what Izzy told me and what I just told her. And then I watch as all of it plugs into the right plugs and the connection is made.
“Who do you want to stick to with chewy bubblegum, Mommy?”
Ah, my smart little bird. She’s always been so wise beyond her five small years.
“I don’t want to stick to anyone with yucky, chewy bubblegum,” I laugh.
Her small hand comes out and falls on top of where I have mine placed on the table. Small thumb rubbing and little pink tipped nails going up and down in a thoughtful wave as she looks at me.
“Yes you do.”
“No, baby. Just you.”
“You’re silly, mommy bird!”
“And you’re sillier, little bird.”
Her fingers continue their light thumping against my skin and I watch her eyes get soft and full of love, all for me.
“You told Mrs. Izzy that Leelee is your boyfriend. Is he the one you want to stick to with chewy bubblegum?”
Ah.
There it is.
My opening to tell her.
And my opening for a spiked up, nerve filled, freak out.
I went over this a million times since Lee left and I picked up Molly. How much to tell her. How to tell her. Is it too soon? How she would feel. Every possible thought of fear, followed by excitement, and then back to fear mixed with worry.
But my little bird is smart. Smart and knowing. And more importantly, I owe it to her to be honest about our future.