“I did,” I confirm and with my words, I take the last bit of the wall I had around me for years and kick the shit out of it. “Lee, I just need a toothbrush.”
His body shakes, hard this time, and I pull my head back just in time to see him tip his head back and laugh. The sound, rich and like velvet to my skin, brings a smile to my face and a feeling of completeness settles in, taking the void I have felt for so long and filling it so full, it’s spilling over the edge.
“Had my mouth on you just hours ago. All over you, darlin’. My mouth was inside of you. As deep as I could go. I think it’s safe to say, my toothbrush, is your toothbrush.”
I narrow my eyes and his smile grows.
“You just ruined the moment, bucko!” I snap and pull from his body then stomp into the bathroom.
His laughter trailing behind me.
And when I look in the mirror for the second time this morning, I don’t see that lingering sadness. I pick up his toothbrush and as I stand there and brush my teeth, all I see is happiness.
Finally.
I unloaded on him last night and I know he wants to talk about that, I just don’t know what to say. It was so much easier in the darkness. I used his strength and that helped to get the courage to open up. He deserves me giving it all to him and in order to do that I need to give him the light too.
With a deep breath of courage, I rinse off his brush and open the door. He walks over from the spot just in front of the door where I left him, the second I step out of the bathroom. His head comes down and I get a quick kiss.
“Don’t get dressed, darlin’. I like your skin on mine.”
And then he’s gone, with the bathroom shutting to a crack behind him.
Well.
I might not get dressed, but the sheet stays.
My ass had just hit the bed when he came back into the room. Not even giving one thought to the fact that he is still very naked and very aroused. I hear his laugh and snap my eyes up from where I had, once again, been staring at his erection.
“Darlin’ I really need you to focus. You’ll get my cock when we finish, okay?”
“I am focusing,” I retort.
He laughs, “Yeah, focusing on my cock isn’t going to help us right now.”
He reaches out and his large hand wraps around the base of his shaft. His long fingers curling to pull his sac up. He moves his hand, fingers dropping his sac, and he gives himself a few lazy pulls. I close my eyes and drop my body to fall to the mattress with a groan.
I feel the mattress dip with his weight and when my eyes open his face is right there, so close that our noses are just a breath away.
“Good morning, darlin’,” he says, repeating those words he rumbled earlier.
So carefree and confident. He’s changing me. Every second that I’m with him, I feel myself changing into a person that feels the lightness of happiness. He is making me a better person.
“Hey,” I smile.
His hand moves up my side and when he reaches the top of the sheet, it’s pulled and thrown away from our bodies and out of my grasp in seconds.
“I told you, I like your skin on mine.”
My pulse speeds up and I look into his amused eyes.
“You have nothing to hide from me, Megan. Not your body and not your thoughts.”
“Okay,” I gulp.
“We need to talk, darlin’,” he tells me softly, his eyes searching.
“I know.”
“Do you want me to start?”
I nod and he gives me a quick kiss before adjusting our bodies. When he’s done, my back is to the mattress and his large body is covering mine. He keeps his weight off, but still manages to make me feel like I’m covered head to toe in his strength. Our legs are tangled together, his body turned slightly so that, even with me fully in his arms, his hips are on the bed next to me. One of his arms goes under my body at my shoulders and the other hits right under my chest, his long fingers wrapping around the base of my breast. His face dips into my neck and he gives me a kiss before pulling back and looking into my eyes.
“You gave me a lot of heaviness last night. Pain that you’ve carried for a long time, darlin’, and I know that has to leave you hurting. Honesty here, complete honesty, it cut me to the bone to hear what’s been weighing you down for years, Megan. It’s a pain I don’t mind, if it means you’ve unloaded some of that weight for me to carry. What I need is to know where your head is.”
He waits, his unwavering patience with me so clear in this moment.
“It’s gone,” I whisper, my eyes never leaving his.
“What is, baby?”
“The pain.”
His eyes close and the arms holding me go tight.
“I have a lot of years thinking one way, that won’t go away over night, but what you said, about Jack, hearing that and letting those thoughts roll through my head all night . . . you’re right. Every memory I have of him, before and after Molly, there isn’t one that he isn’t over the moon happy. Even though we didn’t share a love that was built conventionally, I can see it now. He was my best friend and he made my life a better place as a child and as my husband.”