Her heart accelerated, even as she willed it to be reasonable. “Is it so unacceptable that I am your friend?”
His smile was sad, it seemed. “My friend? Yes, that would be bad enough. Far worse is that a woman he sees only as a slave has become the mistress of my heart.”
“Titus,” she breathed, half in reprimand, half in longing.
“I am in love with you, Abigail.” He gazed long and deep into her eyes. “I, the first to condemn Jason for letting his involvement get emotional, have fallen completely in love with you.”
Tears flooded her eyes, blurring his earnest image. “Why do you say these things to me? Why do you shift the balance of our friendship for something that cannot be?”
“Perhaps because I cannot bear the thought of never acknowledging the purest emotion I have ever felt. And perhaps because I need to hear you say it in response.”
She shook her head, hoping to clear it of all that was happening. “I cannot. It shames me to feel things for you I never felt for my husband.”
“But this is not shameful.” He moved a thumb to catch one of the tears that spilled over. “We have come to this love by doing things that are right. We have grown together, we have learned together. We have become equals that you and Jason could never be because of how your relationship began. There is no blame in that.”
Abigail sighed and averted her gaze, wondering at the trembling that began somewhere inside and worked its way toward her limbs. She realized with some surprise that it was terror. “No blame, perhaps, but much fear. How can I let myself feel this, when I know it will end only in loneliness and pain? We have no future, Titus. I know that. But losing you will hurt too badly if I let us explore these emotions.”
“Must it?” His gaze was intense enough to make her question her own beliefs on the issue. “Must a relationship end in consummation in order for it to be worthy of pursuance? Can we not find something beautiful and fulfilling in each other that will remain with us for life, even though we cannot marry, or spend those lives together? Surely, Abigail, it is better to know fully what God has blessed us with here, so that we can thank him for it, than it would be to ignore it and never give voice to his amazing gift.”
A smile tugged at her lips, drying her eyes. “My friend, I know not whether you have just struck upon a profound truth or perhaps simply made the weaker argument the stronger with your rhetoric. Have you been reading Aristophanes?”
Titus laughed. “I have not.” Then he leaned over before she could anticipate his move and brushed his lips over hers lightly, tenderly. “Let us pray about this, Abigail. The Lord will guide us in the path we are meant to take. If you are right, and these feelings are best left forgotten, then he will help us forget them. But if I am right, and they are better explored, he will teach us how to strike the balance to make us both stronger and better for having felt them.”
She nodded, her lips burning from his gentle touch. “But until we hear his wisdom, it may be best if you do not kiss me again. It indicates that you already assume the answer and are hence not so open to the Lord’s will.”
His grin was teasing. “I am not assuming, Abigail. I am merely exercising faith.”
She shook her head at his logic, but still she had to smile. Cautiously, she reached out and let her fingertips rest against his cheek. “I do love you, Titus,” she said softly, knowing from the gleam in his eyes that he was glad to hear her say the words. “I am not sure what this love will do to me, but I will not deny it.”
Titus used the hand still buried in her hair to draw her closer, then rested his forehead on hers. “I will not hurt you. I give you my pledge to that, my love.” He closed his eyes. “Pray with me.”