He smiled, too, and leaned down to kiss her again. “We should pray. Then sleep. The day is catching up to me.”
Abigail nodded and bowed her head to obey. They each took a turn speaking, sharing their thoughts and worship, and were soon kissing good night and standing up. Abigail glanced at the boys as she entered their chamber, smiling softly at both of them. She was truly blessed, in spite of all the dark times she had come through. She would have to keep focusing on that in the upcoming weeks, reminding herself of all of her blessings instead of worrying over what could not be helped. But at the same time, she needed to prepare herself for that inevitable moment’s approach.
As she slipped into bed, she let her mind move over those who had been her life up until a few months ago; Ester and Andrew, Simon and Dinah. Right now, they seemed very far away, and terribly long ago. They had never even seen Benjamin, who was now the biggest part of her life. They did not know that she had put her faith in Jesus the Christ, they would probably not even believe her if she told them Jason had visited her while she was in labor. They were probably nervous about her being with Titus, because they could not realize how much he had changed. So they would certainly not understand if she confessed her love for him.
Sighing, she buried her face in the cool cover on her pillow and drew in a deep breath. She missed her family. It was a ball in her chest every time she thought about them. She missed the city she knew so well, the gold and alabaster beauty of her homeland. But something new bloomed alongside her love for Titus. Something that made her wonder if she was still the girl they knew, and if they would welcome the changes she had made. Something that made her question her ability to go back to the way things were.
She was not even certain anymore exactly how things had been. Those weeks after the uprising had been a blur, a collection of unpleasant impressions with that sheen of pain over everything. She remembered her resentment when Ester would not respond, she remembered the awkwardness with Andrew. Would he still hold that love for her in his heart? Did he still hope that somehow they would be together?
It was impossible now, for her son’s sake if for no other reason. But it was something she would have to deal with when they were reunited, along with all the other issues that had been left dangling because of the unanticipated separation. It would be strange to face them all again now, when they had been living with different concerns for the past two months.
“Father, I give these cares to you,” she whispered into her pillow. “Please protect them on their passage over, heal my mother, touch their hearts. Guide us all, and help me to handle the situation as you would see fit when we are together again.” She felt a peace as soon as she spoke the words and breathed it in gratefully. Closing her eyes, she let go of all thoughts, all worries, and let herself fall into sleep. It was in the last moments of consciousness that she realized her period of mourning had ended that day, and that tomorrow would be her time of purification from giving birth. It was one more thing to remind her that even the Lord pronounced it time to move on.
*
“You, eunuch.”
Phillip turned at the unfamiliar voice. His shoulders tensed, even though it was a feminine voice that called him, probably not a direct threat to his mistress. But one never knew. After being in this house for several weeks, he knew that Abigail was despised by almost everyone, and that danger could lie anywhere.
The woman who materialized from the shadows was one he had seen only a few times, usually on his way to his quarters. Abigail refused to let him stay with her through the nights; he understood her need for privacy, but he also knew the darkness was the best time for dark motives. It was in the night that he had seen this woman emerging from her room, usually headed toward Caius’s chambers. She was one of many women to make that trek, and most of them he pitied, knowing they had no say over their lives. This one, though, did not arouse any compassion. She held her head high, arrogantly, and walked around as though she were a mistress instead of a whore. There was pride in her eyes now, too, as she looked up at him. She held her spine straight, and still she reached only to his chest.
He said nothing, just waited for her to state her purpose.
She smiled. “I am Caelia.”