A couple of days go by with Lauren and I enjoying my latest gift in the form of fancy dinners every night. I’m not gonna lie and say I have zero guilt when spending oodles of Ben’s dollars on this stuff. But as Lauren says, payback can be hell.
Once more, the mail delivers another Ben attack. Only this time, it’s in the form of a letter. No gift from a fancy spa. Nothing from a fine dining establishment. This is a handwritten missive through and through. My hand trembles as my finger slides under the flap to open it. Am I willing to take this step? I feel my heart thumping in my chest. I know it’s pieced back together where he’s concerned, but has the glue dried sufficiently to hold all them in place? I’m so fucking scared, sometimes I think that taking a breath will shatter it all over again. If that’s the case, what will Ben’s words do to me?
The knock at the door isn’t much of a surprise. I’ve been a hermit over a week and I’m shocked it’s taken this long for my sister to do a follow up.
Only when I open the door, Jeff and Mark stand on my stoop. Jeff holds up a six-pack of beer and I step back to usher them inside.
“Damn, man. What happened to you?” Jeff comments before flopping on my sofa.
“Sorry we showed up unannounced,” Mark says, putting a hand on my shoulder.
I give him a weary smile and nod as Mark sits in the chair. Part of me isn’t up to company. But there’s a part of me that misses having someone I can confide in that’s not my sister or Cate. I take a chance and sit on the opposite end of the couch.
“I fucked up,” I confess.
Mark and Jeff trade glances.
“This has something to do with a woman. The cute event planner I’m guessing,” Mark says.
I nod, feeling her loss as much as the finality of Drew’s death.
Jeff lets out a long-winded sigh, but I don’t care. “You know we are about to cross into pussy territory talking about women the way they talk about us.”
Shrugging, I say, “You walked into this shit pile. I didn’t ask you to come.”
“Yeah, because I thought your old man gave you hell about how you handled things.”
I scrub a hand over my face. “Actually, he gave me a promotion.” They both gape. “It doesn’t matter. Not coming into the office will end that career move.”
Mark gives me a sympathetic smile. Jeff, on the other hand, wears a clownish expression with wide eyes and an open mouth.
“You’re going to let a pair of tits ruin your career.”
He has no idea how close to the truth he is, except the tits in question ruined my relationship. Pushing my hair out of my face, I meet his gaze. “She’s worth far more than that.”
Silence takes over until Jeff leans forward and starts passing out beers.
“You two fucks have caught the pussy virus and there is no cure. I’m glad I’m immune to that shit.”
“Jeff, let it go,” Mark says sullenly.
“How’s the bitch?” Jeff asks him.
“She’s not a bitch.”
Jeff has the decency to look startled. “Really, after everything you’ve told us?”
“I haven’t told you everything.”
Jeff throws an incredulous gaze my way before asking, “So, what did you do?”
The story unfolds from my mouth like a badly constructed paper airplane destined to crash mid-flight to the ground.
“Damn,” Jeff says. “That’s messed up.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious.”
“What have you done to win her back?”
“Outside of her sister threatening to call the cops on me?” He nods. “Flowers, paid for a housekeeper, food, a massage.” I toss up my hands. “I don’t know what else I can do.”
“Did you tell her how you’re feeling all pussy whipped?”
I roll my eyes knowing what he means, but not rising to the bait.
“She’d likely delete any e-mail or text message I send without reading it.”
Jeff shakes his head. “Write her a note or something. Women eat that shit up.”
“You know what, you might have an idea there,” I say to Jeff.
“How’s her business holding up with her being out?” Mark asks, drawing our attention to him. “What?” He shrugs. “She’s probably going to be out of work for a while.”
Several beers later, a crazy plan forms in my head. After they leave, I sit at my desk with a pen in my hand and a blank piece of paper before me. I stare a long time, before I put the pen to paper and begin.
Sam,
I could say sorry, which I am, but that does nothing to erase the pain I caused.
I could tell you how much I love you, but it’s meaningless because I wasn’t there when you needed me most.
They say love is blind, and in truth I was blind to how much you meant to me until I let you slip through my fingers.
The days are long and the nights cold without you. Please don’t give up on me. I know we are meant to be together.
If you give me another chance, I promise to be the man worthy of you.
I know now that all I need is you. The alternative means a solitary existence for me.
I once told you I believed you were the brightest star in the heavens. I still believe that, only now without you, my life is lonely and dark—nothing but a black hole.
There is no one else on this earth for me.
B~