‘I didn’t know what to do, I just froze, then I realized that I had to get to a hospital.’
‘Did you call Dad?’
‘No, he was out of town.’ Maggie kept her smile on, even after she remembered that Florian had been in Palo Alto, allegedly trying to raise venture capital. She would learn later that he’d cheated on her with a blond Stanford senior, and Kathy would joke that he’d raised adventure capital.
‘So what did you do?’
‘I took a cab to the hospital, and Kathy met me there. You were born on your due date.’
‘Dad wasn’t there?’
‘He came later,’ Maggie answered, diplomatically. ‘He got the red eye out of San Francisco and was there just in time to say hello.’
‘Aw.’ Anna smiled, and Maggie returned to digging in the box. She pulled out a wrinkled white envelope, and on the front she had written in faded ballpoint, Anna’s First Curl.
‘You saved my hair?’ Anna laughed.
‘Sure. My mother saved my first curl, too. I have it somewhere, I think in my jewelry box.’ Maggie didn’t add that her mother had also saved her teeth, gross little nuggets bundled in a Kleenex and wrapped with a rubber band.
‘Can I see my curl?’ Anna shifted over.
‘Of course. You had such pretty hair, it was so soft and fine.’ Maggie unsealed the back of the envelope, yellowed with age.
‘When was the last time you opened this?’
‘I never have. I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t open it until I got you back in my life. I’ve never even gone in this box.’
‘Aw.’ Anna smiled softly.
‘And now we get to do it together.’ Maggie swallowed hard, unglued the back flap, and looked inside the envelope. There was a flattened C-shape of a brownish curl, and all of the memories came flooding back, like a wave of emotion. ‘Wow.’
‘Let me see.’
Maggie felt herself choke up, but kept it together. ‘I remember that I used to play with that curl while you were nursing. I used to curl it around my finger.’
‘I nursed?’
‘Yes, for about three months.’ Maggie shook the curl into her palm, then moved her hand into the waning sunlight, which caught the reddish highlights amid the light brown strands.
‘So much red! I don’t have that much anymore, do I?’
‘No, your hair’s browner now. Mine got darker, too, from when I was little.’
‘Dad had a lot of red in his hair.’
‘Yes, he did.’ Maggie shook the curl back into the envelope, thinking back to the time she had first met Florian. His hair was the best thing about him. It took her a decade to learn that looks didn’t matter. The fact that Noah was handsome was just gravy. He was a good man, and he probably already felt lousy about the way he’d acted, which he should.
‘What else is in there?’ Anna peered into the box, plucked out the cotton knit hat they’d given her in the hospital, and popped it on her head. ‘Cute?’
‘Very!’ Anna put the hat back in the box, and they went through the pink card that had been on Anna’s bassinet, an unofficial birth certificate with her footprint, a cottony-white receiving blanket, and an old color photograph of Maggie as a young mother, sitting with a happy infant Anna in her lap, the both of them facing the camera.
Maggie felt a warm rush of love, showing the photograph to Anna. ‘And here we are.’
‘Aww. Who took the picture? Dad?’
‘No, Kathy.’
‘I’d like to meet her.’
‘You will.’ Maggie smiled. ‘She’s your godmother.’
Anna eyed the picture. ‘I look more like you than Dad.’
‘Yes, you do.’ Maggie smiled, returning her attention to the photo. The resemblance between mother and daughter was unmistakable, in the dimples and the grin, which was happy with a side order of goofy.
‘It was a long time ago, wasn’t it?’
‘Yes, it was, and that’s the time that we lost.’ Maggie put the photo in the box, replaced the lid, and looked directly at Anna. ‘And that’s why your being here means so much to me. I prayed you would come back in my life and you have. So don’t worry about any of this fussing with Noah, okay?’
‘Okay.’ Anna nodded, with a shaky smile.
Maggie patted the box. ‘This is where we started. And this is where we belong. Together.’
Chapter Thirty-seven
Noah, After
TRIAL, DAY 5
Noah waited on the witness stand while Thomas, Linda, and Judge Gardner were still conferring. He retreated to his memories, mentally escaping the courtroom. Even bad memories were better than a murder trial, if you were the defendant.
Noah was thinking back to the night of the Range Rover fight, after his talk with Caleb. Noah had put Caleb to bed while Maggie was in their bedroom with Anna. He had gone back downstairs to clean up and by the time he’d gotten upstairs, Maggie had gone to bed, facing away from him.
Noah had undressed and slipped into his side of the bed, linking his fingers across his chest like a dead man, which was how he’d felt. Maggie hadn’t been sleeping, but she’d been waiting for him to talk first, playing marital chicken.
You awake, babe? Noah had asked softly.
What do you think?
I’m sorry. I really am. Noah had turned over, but Maggie hadn’t. She had on a T-shirt, though she always slept naked this time of year, and so did he. He’d always liked that about them as a couple.
That was terrible, Noah. You behaved terribly.
I know, and I’m sorry. I just lost it. It was only partly because of Mike. But that wasn’t all of it. Noah had still felt he’d been right about the Range Rover, but he hadn’t wanted to start all over again. No matter what I think about her getting the car, I shouldn’t have yelled like that. At you, Anna, or at Caleb. I’m sorry.
It was terrible. Maggie hadn’t turned around. She thinks she’s not welcome here. And I don’t blame her. You’re not making her feel welcome.
I know and I’m sorry.
You have to apologize to her.
I will.
I’m going to make a special dinner tomorrow night, Indian food. She told me she loves it. And it’s her first day of school. You can apologize then.
I’d be happy to, Noah had said, meaning it. His father had been one of those men who would never say he was sorry.
Can you imagine how she feels? She moves in here, having lost her father, having no sense of place at all, moving to a new state and a new family, and the welcome she gets is you yelling at her?
I understand.
We don’t yell at our kids. That’s not our values, as you say, is it?
No, I know that. Noah had heard the shakiness in her voice and realized that she might’ve been crying earlier. He’d put a hand on her shoulder, but she hadn’t moved. Normally, she would’ve turned over and they would’ve hugged or had make-up sex. That wasn’t happening tonight, so he didn’t even try. He’d removed his hand.
She was crying in her bedroom.
I’m sorry. Noah had found himself counting, that had been the fourth time he’d said he was sorry.
And what about the driving?
I’ll take her. It had galled Noah that he’d be teaching Anna to drive in that car, but whatever.
What if she doesn’t want you to, now? The car is obviously a sore spot.
I’ll convince her, I’ll say I’m sorry. Noah had ticked it off in his head. Fifth time.
I thought it was a chance for you guys to get close. I thought it was something you could share. Now it’s all ruined.
It’s not ruined, Noah had said, though it was Anna’s fault, not his.
She was looking up lawyers, too.
Why? Is she going to sue me?
It’s not funny.
Okay, fine. Noah had heard irritation creep into his voice. He’d been trying to stay patient, but there was a limit. Mike Wilson had died today. Dina had been so distraught she’d had to be sedated. Steve had asked Noah if Mike had suffered before he died. Noah hadn’t had the heart to tell him the truth.
Anna’s thinking about whether she should emancipate herself so she doesn’t have to live here. Because you’re not succeeding in making her feel welcome, and I feel like I’m cleaning up after you. Even Caleb is really trying to be nice to her. You should’ve seen the two of them, laughing in the car.