That’s okay, Caleb had said, but it sounded like thzoky.
What if we skip dinner and have ice cream? I think there’s mint chocolate chip in the freezer.
No.
Mind if I keep you company?
No.
Good. Noah had taken another sip of beer, then sat down on the grass, cross-legged. Ralph had come over, sniffing the sweating beer bottle, and Noah stroked the cat’s back. Ralph’s tail curled into a question mark.
He doesn’t like that. Pet under his chin.
Okay. Noah scratched Ralph under his chin, and the cat squinched up his face, wrinkling his nose.
He drooled and purred, Caleb had said, but it was barely intelligible. The letter R was difficult for kids with apraxia and other speech disorders. Noah remembered they were behind on their target words this week and at this rate, they’d never get to accident, badges, antiseptic, or emergency.
Noah said, I really am sorry I threw that fit. I’m going to say I’m sorry to Maggie and Anna too.
Not Anna. She got a car. She didn’t ask.
Yes, that’s true, but two wrongs don’t make a right. I’m the father and I have to act like one.
You’re not her father.
No, that’s true, Noah had said, surprised. I’m not her biological father, but I’m her stepfather.
Caleb had fallen silent, looking away at the cat, and Noah had realized that he might have been overlooking Caleb’s reaction to Anna’s moving in.
What do you think about that, Caleb?
Caleb hadn’t answered.
Does it make you happy or sad? You can tell me, buddy.
Still no reply. Caleb always shut down when he was stressed. He’d known his speech wasn’t up to the task.
Son, don’t worry about how the words come out. Just tell me. I can understand you. I thought you liked her.
She doesn’t like me.
Why do you say that? I think she does. I know she does. You guys had a good time with the trains. Noah had touched Caleb’s bare arm, chilled in the cooling air. It had been a cold spring, and the backyard smelled of soggy mulch.
She said a curse.
What was the curse?
We were in the car. She said, ‘Don’t effing touch the buttons.’
Caleb, that was wrong. Noah had flashed on the night at Bed Bath & Beyond, when Anna had asked him if he wanted to know how soft she was. Maybe he hadn’t misheard her. Maybe this was a game she played. Or maybe Caleb had been lying out of jealousy.
Dad, don’t tell Mag. Mag loves her.
Caleb, Maggie loves you, too, you know. She loves you very much.
I know. She always tells me.
Good. Noah had given Caleb a hug, and in time they had gone inside, and the courtroom came back into focus and Noah wasn’t in his backyard anymore. Thomas, Linda, and Judge Gardner were still huddling, leaving the jury in suspended animation and Noah on the witness stand, wondering if anything would have been different if he’d told Maggie what Caleb had said.
But what had happened next was so much worse, it had gone forgotten.
Chapter Thirty-six
Maggie, Before
‘Can I come in?’ Maggie asked Anna, through the closed door.
‘Okay,’ Anna answered, her voice shaky, and Maggie slipped inside the room to see Anna cross-legged on her bed with her laptop open, her lovely blue eyes shining with tears.
‘Anna, I’m sorry.’
‘No, I’m sorry.’ Anna wiped her cheek, leaving pinkish streaks. ‘I’m so stupid. I never should’ve bought the car. What an idiot.’
‘You’re not an idiot.’ Maggie came over, sat on the edge of the bed, and patted Anna’s leg.
‘Yes, I am, and I bought it because it was cool. That was stupid, too. I bet those girls in the Poetry Club will hate that car. I don’t know what I was thinking.’
‘Say to yourself, “lesson learned,” and be done with it. That’s what my mother would say.’ Maggie smoothed a strand of Anna’s hair from her face.
‘Are you mad at me, now that Noah is?’
‘No, and he’ll calm down. I’m sorry he behaved so badly. A patient of his died today. I would have told you, but you and Caleb were having so much fun in the car.’
‘Look, that’s sad, but I heard what he said. He thinks I’m a spoiled brat.’ New tears shone in Anna’s eyes, and Maggie’s heart went out to her.
‘No, he doesn’t.’
‘I didn’t realize it was his parking space. I should’ve told them not to park in the driveway.’
‘I swear to you, that’s not what’s bothering him. We’ll get this sorted out.’
‘I’m worried we won’t.’ Anna sniffled. ‘There’s no way he’s taking me driving now. I don’t need the lesson anyway. I can get used to the car on my own.’
‘No, he wants to.’
‘It’s not only about the car.’ Anna’s lower lip trembled. ‘I made a mess of things. I was just emailing James to see what my options are.’
‘What are you talking about, options?’ Maggie felt a note of worry.
‘You know, like, emancipation. Noah doesn’t want me here.’ Anna’s eyes glistened. ‘You might, but he doesn’t. Coming here was a big mistake.’
‘Don’t say that, that’s not true.’ Maggie squeezed Anna’s arm, as if she could hold her in the house. ‘You’re jumping the gun, honey. It’s only the first week.’
‘But I didn’t want to mess things up for you. I just wanted to be with you and get to know you. I wanted my mom.’ Anna’s eyes spilled over, and Maggie gave her a hug.
‘And I’m here.’
‘I’m messing up your family.’
‘You are my family.’ Maggie released Anna, then motioned her up. ‘Come with me. Right now.’
‘What?’ Anna moved the laptop.
‘You’ll see.’ Maggie took Anna’s hand, led her out of the bedroom, and into the master bedroom. The room was a soothing blue that complemented a blue-chintz quilt, headboard, and curtains, a custom-made splurge. Maggie gestured to the bed. ‘Please, sit down.’
‘Why?’
‘You’ll see.’ Maggie crossed to the closet, opened the door on the left, and rummaged on her side, which was markedly messier than Noah’s side, though in her own defense, she had dresses, shoes, sweaters, scarves, purses, and skirts, and he had testosterone. She retrieved the fancy blue Lanvin shoebox from the top shelf and brought it over to the bed, opening the lid.
‘What’s this?’ Anna shifted on the bed, leaning over the box, and Maggie sat down next to her, putting the box on her lap and digging inside.
‘These are my keepsakes from when you were born.’ Maggie picked out the item on top, a plastic baby bracelet that read Ident-A-Band. ‘Here, from the hospital.’
‘Oh my God, really?’ Anna looked over, and Maggie read aloud what was written on a piece of paper inside.
‘ “Girl of Maggie I. Desroches, 3/6/2000, 8:12 pm, BKF.” That’s you.’ Maggie felt her heart lighten, thinking back. ‘You were born at eight o’clock at night. Can you imagine your wrist was ever that little?’
‘No.’ Anna giggled. ‘I’m surprised you kept it.’
‘Your baby bracelet? I bet all mothers do. It’s precious.’
Anna slipped it over her index finger. ‘So little!’
‘You were only six pounds when you were born.’
‘Is that fat or skinny?’
‘Skinny. Fat was my department.’ Maggie smiled.
‘What does BKF stand for?’
‘Bolton, Kraus, Finer. That was my OB group. Dr Finer delivered you. He was great.’ Maggie felt a twinge, thinking back. Dr Finer had been a wonderful OB, the doc who confirmed her diagnosis of postpartum psychosis, but she didn’t want to think about that now.
‘Look.’ Anna slid two fingers inside the bracelet. ‘That was my entire wrist.’
‘If I rested you on my arm, you could fit almost completely on my forearm and hand.’
Anna smiled. ‘What happened the night I was born? Did it hurt?’
‘Well, that day I felt kind of tired –’
‘Were you throwing up?’
‘Not past the first trimester.’ Maggie threw up the whole pregnancy, but enough already. ‘So I’d read somewhere that the way to induce labor was to stay really active, so I went food shopping, and I was in the produce aisle when my water broke. I basically peed myself in front of the green peppers.’
Anna squealed, covering her mouth. ‘That’s so embarrassing! Then what happened?’