He rubbed his fingers over the bear’s cut-off leg, then looked at Jenny. “Yeah, I do.”
Paige was choosing what she thought was best for Casey, but maybe he could be what was best for both of them. He wasn’t going to stand in her way, but that didn’t mean he had to lose her. He kissed Jenny’s cheek. “Tell her I came by.”
Chapter 32
Paige led Barney, a brown and white gelding, through the barn and into his stall. She’d been here six days, and she was already in love with the horses. There was a peace here, she thought, relieving Barney of his halter and stroking his neck.
Her responsibilities were assisting Hannah with the children, bringing in the horses, and turning them out. One child, a little boy she had a particular soft spot for, had ridden twice since she’d been here. The unbidden joy and freedom when he went from wheelchair to horse brought tears to her eyes and a sense of purpose and pride unlike anything she’d ever known.
Casey couldn’t have been happier. She had friends like she’d never had before. Hannah often had her ride around the ring on Hazel when they had a new or hesitant rider. She naturally encouraged the younger children and children with more severe disabilities than she had. She also admired the kids who were better, stronger riders, two of whom had amputations almost exactly like hers.
Yes, there were places Casey could ride in California, but it would be enormously expensive. There were groups she could probably find for Casey to interact with other amputees, but not in a daily, confidence-bolstering environment like this. There was the subtlest difference in the way Casey held herself and in her smile. Pride and confidence.
But at night, when things got quiet, she would ask about Jake. What was he doing? Could she call him again? They talked every day. She smiled, thinking of all Casey told him. From the horses to the barn cat to a rock she’d found near the cabin.
When it was her turn to talk to him, she did kind of the same thing. Told him about everything from her work to her lunch. It was hard because she missed him. She wasn’t sure if it was hard for him too, but there were moments she felt like it was.
She still hadn’t told Casey yet there was even the possibility that they would make this situation long-term. But it made sense. Hannah paid more than she’d ever dreamed of making without a degree. She’d keep the same schedule Hannah kept, and as Hannah made her own hours, that meant working around her son’s schedule. Which would be the same as Casey’s once school started. Another thing Hannah had offered, assured her of, was that Casey could go to the same Catholic school as Jake’s nieces and nephews. There were at least four McKinney relatives working as teachers there, so they had the inside info.
But even with everything so perfect, without Jake it wasn’t perfect at all, and she didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what Jake wanted her to do. He’d said goodbye to her at the airport seven days ago with a kiss and a smile. Did he want her to come back? The thought of being away from him indefinitely made her stomach hurt.
She gave the horse one last pat, then moved to the tack room, breathing in the scent of leather and horse blankets as she hung up the halter. She looked around for anything else she could do. Finding everything in its place, she walked outside and around to the right paddock.
Paige watched the solid black foal wobble around his mother on gangly legs. Born just five days ago, Casey was convinced the horse had been born just for her.
Minutes later, Hannah finished in the office and joined her at the railing. “Beautiful, isn’t she?”
“Yes.” It was all beautiful. Her eyes traced the edge where the dry grass met the late-afternoon sky. If Freedom Farm wasn’t heaven, it had to be pretty damn close. “I guess you’ll be next.”
“Thank goodness.” Hannah rubbed her protruding belly and smiled. “I love being pregnant, but I’m ready to be more mobile. I miss riding.”
Paige smiled. On top of the work and the benefits to Casey, she’d already come to love Hannah. A gentle soul, but also strong, as her horrific past attested to. And she was funny. They had lunch together every day at the barn, usually delivered by her ever-attentive husband, and they laughed like schoolgirls. Hannah loved to torment her brothers when they came out, trying to boss her around.
“I’ve never seen anyone so happy and yet so sad at the same time,” Hannah said, angling her head to study her. “Does he know how you feel about him?”
A ball of misery lodged in Paige’s throat, holding back her answer. She wanted to tell him, but there was that fear that he didn’t feel the same way. There was the fear that she loved him so much it would override everything else.
“I’m sorry I put you in this spot,” Hannah said after a moment. “I guess I thought…”
“That if I took the job, Jake would come with me?”