A smile tugged at his lips, picturing Casey. She’d be delirious with excitement. Like Christmas. And he hadn’t had a Christmas with her. Maybe wouldn’t now.
Again, he pictured his girls happy in Virginia. Paige wouldn’t work so hard. They’d live in the kind of house she dreamed of, and she would have it on her terms, working for it herself. She was so smart and capable, and so young. She deserved a chance to go after her dream.
He glanced up and caught Simon’s thoughtful look, but their waiter arrived for drink orders.
“So, how did he do it?” Paige asked as the waiter left.
“Propose or get me pregnant?” Jenny laughed, her body practically wrapped around Simon’s in the booth. “He told me he was in love with me and wanted me to have his babies.”
Simon grinned at JT over his beer. “See? Not complicated. Just simple and honest.”
Somehow he didn’t think it would be that simple with Paige.
“Then I told him we had a head start on that last part and you should have seen his face!”
JT grinned. “You should have seen his face when Lynn said her water broke.”
They laughed and ate, they talked about Lynn and wedding plans. What they didn’t talk about was his and Paige’s future. She didn’t bring it up, not that he expected her to.
The food in his mouth was getting harder and harder to swallow, wondering what Paige thought about Hannah’s offer. If Hannah had made the offer. He didn’t even know if she had. Had Hannah decided not to call her? Maybe he hadn’t been convincing enough. If that was the case, what the hell would he do? He couldn’t keep it from her.
She might go and decide she didn’t like it. She might go and miss him and come home resenting their relationship. He could tell her he loved her, beg her to marry him, forcing her to choose between fulfilling her dreams and love. At least, he thought she loved him.
By the time they finished dessert and got the check, he was wound so tight he thought his teeth would crack. They needed to talk.
—
She and Jake parted ways with Simon and Jenny in the parking lot. It was a nice evening, comfortable after the heat of the day with a breeze strong enough to sweep the hair back from her face. They were both quiet, walking hand in hand to Jake’s SUV. The warmth and security of it was also confusing. Just a few weeks ago, before Jake, a choice like this would have been easy.
Jake walked her around to the passenger side, but she turned to face him when he would have opened the door. Their eyes met and without words they came together in a heart-wrenching kiss. She held on to him, relishing his familiar touch, his taste. But there was something different in it and also in Jake’s eyes when he lifted his head.
“I needed that,” he said softly.
“Me too.” Holding on to his shoulders, she held his gaze, searching. She was having a hard enough time deciding what she needed to do. It made it ten times worse not knowing exactly where he stood. It scared her. She took a shuddering breath and let it out. “Hannah called me earlier.” There. She said it.
Jake let out a deep breath of his own, like he’d been holding it in, but his expression gave away nothing. “Really?”
“Yeah. She talked to me about coming back to Freedom Farm to work.” She stared at him, not blinking, not even breathing. “She said she’d talked to you.”
He nodded and the muscles bunched in his jaw. “Yeah. She did. I didn’t get all the details.”
“But you thought it was a good idea?” Maybe he was just trying to be nice to Hannah. Or maybe he wasn’t sure about them, so he didn’t want to hold her back from an opportunity. But would she let herself be held back? Could she even consider it, choosing what a big part of her wanted to do over what she needed to do? What she should do?
“Sure. It’s a great opportunity, right?” He moved to stand beside her, leaning back against the door.
“Yes. But it’s really far away.” He didn’t say anything and she peeked at his face. Still couldn’t read him. “If it worked out, I’d have way better hours and more time with Casey. I could go on field trips, maybe even be class mom.”
He smiled softly down at her. “You’d make a good class mom.”
And you’d make a good class dad.
She wanted so badly to ask, But what about us? Should I stay here and continue to…date you? Sleep with you? Let Casey get closer to you? And then what?
But that all sounded a lot like she was asking him to make her promises he wasn’t ready to make. She didn’t want it to be like that. And if he wasn’t ready to make them, then it only made sense for her to go and give it a chance. She felt something inside her unraveling.