“No need. You were a little shit, but…” Matt laughed and grabbed him around the neck, then let go. “It’s all good.”
They walked the rest of the way in silence. JT went into the cabin and grabbed the things as Paige had directed. Casey’s pajamas and toothbrush and Bob.
Matt looked up when he came outside, and they started back up the hill. It’d been good to be with the family tonight. Really good. He seemed to fit in better on this visit than he ever had before. Paige and Casey had a lot to do with that. For the first time he felt more on an even plane with his older brothers.
“So what’s going on with you and Paige?”
JT stared at the dark in front of him, then the blanket of pine needles passing beneath his feet. “I don’t know.” He knew what he wanted to be going on. “I haven’t known her that long.”
“Doesn’t always take that long.”
“I guess not.” He glanced at the pink pajamas with the white puppies in his hand.
“You want to talk about it? I have some experience in women with children. You’re right to go slow if you’re not sure.”
He probably did need to talk, but he didn’t know what to ask. Matt had been so sure when he’d told the family about Abby that day. A woman he’d met at the beach and fallen in love with in a week.
But hadn’t he fallen in love with Paige in a day? A minute? And that wasn’t the problem. He was sure about them. He wasn’t sure about himself. “How did you know?”
“I loved them. I loved them more than anything, more than myself, and I knew I’d do anything to make them happy.”
JT nodded, the harder question beating at his mind. How did he know he’d be a good father? A good husband?
“You can’t make it happen,” Matt said as they reached Stephen’s house and climbed the steps. “Or,” he added with a knowing look over his shoulder. “Make it not happen.”
Chapter 23
Thirty minutes later he was walking through the woods with Paige’s hand tucked tightly in his. “Second thoughts?”
“No.”
“You sure?” He peeked over at her, thinking maybe she answered too quickly. “If she needs anything, Hannah will call us and we’ll be up the hill in two minutes or Stephen will walk her down.”
“I’m fine. It’s good. I’m glad she stayed.”
He pulled her to a stop and searched her eyes to see if she was really okay. Deciding she was, he slid his hands down and around her lower back. “I’m glad she stayed too.”
“Oh, is that why you were all for the sleepover?” she teased.
“No.” He kissed along her jaw. “I was going to do this anyway, it’s just going to be faster now.” He tipped her face up to his for a kiss, loving the way she kissed him back and knowing it had to be quick and light or they wouldn’t make it to the cabin.
“Was it weird having me here?”
“No. Absolutely not.” He hugged her against him. “If anything, it made it better.”
“So you’re glad you came?”
“Absolutely. A very good decision,” he added against her lips. “And about to get even better.” He took her hand and started walking again, eager to get to the cabin and kiss more than her lips.
“I love it here. It’s magical, something right out of a storybook.”
He agreed, but thought mostly the magic was her.
“I was always jealous of the kids at school and their vacations to the beach or the mountains.”
“I can’t see you being jealous.”
“I was. Not for the places, just the trips, the time. Riding in a car, asking, ‘Are we there yet?’?”
“You never did that?”
“No. The only time I packed my stuff was when the landlord pounded on the door, threatening to throw us out. I’m not sure he ever would have, but I went through a phase of keeping my stuff in a trash bag beside my bed. Like…”
“Like what?”
“Like he might come any minute and throw us out into the night.” She shook her head at herself like she’d been silly. “I survived.”
“You did more than survive.” He brought her fingers to his lips. “And you know, you always shrug when you try to brush things off. Like you don’t want me to know it bothers you.”
She shrugged, and they shared a small laugh, but even in the quiet, he could feel she had more to say. They went a little further before she finally spoke.
“I don’t ever want Casey to feel like that, like the rug is about to be pulled out from under her. I never want Casey to know that fear of having no home, or to have to take her mom’s boyfriend’s half-eaten sandwich out of the garbage and put it in her lunchbox.”
Fuck. “Paige, I would never let that happen.”
“But, I can’t let that happen.” She pulled him to a stop. “I have to make sure it doesn’t, and I’m so afraid if I step off the line, I might go too far and never find it again.”
“And am I off the line?” That was his fear. That she would think of him as too big of a risk. That she’d walk away from what they could have.