‘Go find your man,’ Lucy ordered, turning back to the soldier on the bed, leaning low and whispering words that Scarlet couldn’t hear.
Scarlet left her to finish her work and started to scan the beds. It was her worst nightmare to think that she’d missed him, that he could have been taken away after surgery before she’d had the chance to say goodbye. Seeing the soldiers go, once upon a time, had made her think they would be safe, that they were going to make it home safe and be looked after, that they were the lucky ones to get away. Now she knew better.
Those lucky ones often ended up dead or more badly injured before they got to their transportation. She swallowed a lump in her throat. So why, when she knew the reality of what happened every single day, had she been so certain that James had been safe?
She surveyed more beds, started to look more frantically, wondering where he’d gone, and then her eyes landed on a mop of dark, almost black hair. Her heartbeat slowed from its rapid pounding as she moved towards him, relief hitting her hard.
Within moments she was by his side, taking in the steady rise and fall of his chest, the bandaging that she could see under his cut uniform. It hit her how close he’d been to dying, and the thought that she might never have seen him again hurt her more than she wanted to admit.
‘Hi,’ she whispered when his eyes opened, carefully, like he was cautious of what he was going to see.
When he groaned, loudly, she realised it was probably more to do with the pain he was feeling than not wanting to see what was above him.
‘Don’t speak,’ she whispered, taking his hand and stroking his skin lightly with her fingertips. ‘I wanted to check on you, in case they took you without my knowing.’ She smiled when his lips parted, the upward tilt of his mouth telling her he was happy to see her. ‘My shift is only finishing now, it’s been a long day, and I thought I’d come looking for you and then I thought you’d gone.’
‘I’m . . .’ He hissed out a breath; she hated seeing him in pain.
‘Let me get you water,’ she said, reaching for the cup so she could soothe his cracked, dry lips. She turned back and dripped a little into his mouth, more when he swallowed it down.
‘Thank you,’ he muttered, looking better for having had something to drink.
‘Your surgery must have gone well. You look good,’ she said.
‘Liar.’ He chuckled, cringing when his body moved with the laughter. ‘I look like . . .’ He pushed up a little and she helped him, the blood soaking through his bandage too much for her liking. She bit her tongue instead of saying anything.
‘Hell,’ he finally said. ‘Turns out bullets hurt a whole lot more than I thought they would.’
Scarlet didn’t know if it was from exhaustion, hunger or both, but she burst into tears. Not the silent, quiet type of tears that slowly ran down her cheeks like they usually would if she cried, but a gasp of tears that made a choking noise sound out in her throat and a torrent of unshed emotion shudder from her. She tried to stop, tried to swallow it all away, but the more she cried, the harder it was to stem.
‘Scarlet.’
She heard James say her name as she fought and lost the battle she was waging with herself.
‘Sweetheart, is it me you’re worried about? Because I’m tough. A bullet or two won’t keep me down.’
She tried to laugh at him, but it came out as more of a snort and only made her want to cry more.
‘Unless you were hoping I’d be dead?’
His voice was still weak and when he started to cough she wiped frantically at her face with the heels of her hands, then used her sleeve. She was being silly, and it certainly wasn’t like her to be so overly emotional.
‘Don’t you ever say that,’ she said, looking around, surprised she hadn’t been reprimanded or called to attend anything. She was crying because she was supposed to be looking for one brother, and instead her thoughts were consumed with the one in front of her. It wasn’t right, but no matter what she tried to tell herself, nothing could change the way she felt.
‘I’m worried about you,’ he said quietly, his fingers moving against hers when she touched him, threading her fingers so they were lying in between each of his on his right hand.
‘Don’t be,’ she insisted, trying to focus on each inhale of air, slowly letting each breath go. ‘We don’t get a lot to eat and the days are long, that’s all. I’m so tired and beyond hungry.’
He grunted. ‘Fair enough.’
‘But don’t for a moment think I’m not happy that you pulled through. My greatest fear is losing you, too.’
She cringed. They’d circled straight back around to Thomas again even though she’d been doing everything she could to avoid thinking about the news James had shared. Why had she had to say that, that she was scared of losing him, too? Maybe it was the world’s way of reminding her that she was already supposed to be worried about another man, a man that wasn’t James.
‘Any chance you’ll be heading home soon?’ he asked, his voice low but not quite as strained as it had been before.
‘No.’ She sighed, giving herself permission to look into his eyes. ‘I doubt that very, very much.’ Some days she wondered if the war would ever end or they’d ever get the chance to go home. Maybe home wasn’t even going to be there; it could be bombed and flattened for all she knew.
‘It’d be nice to have you coming home with me,’ James said, mouth curling up into a mischievous smile. ‘I could do with a private nurse.’
‘Joking like that makes me doubt you’re even that badly injured!’ Scarlet said with a laugh, hands on her hips. But the movement sent her off balance, made her dizzy. She reached for the bed and steadied herself.
‘Scarlet?’ All teasing was gone from James’s voice, but she flapped her hands at him when he tried to haul himself up, not wanting him to do further damage.
‘No,’ she managed, slowing her breathing, doing what she could to stop the room from spinning.
‘Damn,’ James swore, lowering back down.
‘We’re both in a bad way.’ Scarlet held on to his hand again and he stared back at her. ‘I’m not sure which one of us is in the worse state.’
‘You need to get something to eat,’ James told her. ‘Then you need to sleep.’
‘It’s not as easy as just finding something to eat,’ she said, grimacing. If only it were that simple. ‘But yes, you’re right.’
‘Is there food for the patients?’ he asked.
Scarlet nodded. ‘Of course. I can get something for you. We need to keep up your strength and I can even mash it with a fork for you if you need.’
He chuckled. ‘Scarlet, you’re not mashing my food for me.’
She shrugged. ‘I do it for half the other soldiers. It doesn’t matter.’
‘Go get food, tell them it’s for me, and you can have it. I won’t get an ounce of rest tonight if I’m worrying about you.’
‘I can’t do that. It’s forbidden.’