Ellie felt tears prickle in her eyes, seeing her friend so upset. She hadn’t meant to push her so hard! ‘I’m sorry, I was only teasing,’ she said, giving her a big, tight hug. ‘Don’t go crying on me.’
Ellie wasn’t going to say what she truly thought: that it was unlikely that Scarlet would find Thomas, or that he would still be alive after so long of no one hearing from him. She wanted to believe for Scarlet’s sake, and she surely wasn’t going to be the one to make her friend give up hope. But there had been something between Scarlet and James, and she’d have been a fool not to have noticed it. And if the worst was true when it came to Thomas, perhaps the memory of attraction to another man would help Scarlet believe she could find love again.
‘Those dreamy eyes of his!’ Ellie teased, wanting to make fun instead of upsetting Scarlet this time. ‘I mean, what girl could be immune to his charm? You’re only feeling what any of us would have felt, so don’t go feeling guilty.’
Scarlet rolled over, their faces close as they stared at each other, both bursting into giggles.
‘Gorgeous,’ Scarlet admitted in a breathy voice. ‘Soooo gorgeous.’
‘If I hadn’t already fallen for Spencer . . .’
‘No! You can’t go using any of that charm on James,’ Scarlet hissed. ‘Not him.’
‘Hold your horses, I’m not doing anything to your James. Spencer is the one for me.’ She laughed.
‘He’s not my James,’ Scarlet muttered.
Ellie raised her eyebrows. ‘Sweetheart, you can’t tell your heart what to do. It’s the one part of your body that doesn’t listen to advice.’ Her ma had always said it was the heart that got a woman into trouble, and to watch hers didn’t go getting her into any sorts of high jinks while she was away.
‘So, how about you? You’ve been awfully quiet about Spencer.’
Ellie rolled on to her back. ‘I’ve hardly seen him,’ she admitted. ‘We spoke in the hall this morning as he dashed past, but he’s been gone all day to see some soldiers with terrible burns. He said we might see a lot of that wherever we’re stationed.’ She laughed. ‘If he keeps running his hand through his hair like he always does I think he might start to lose it!’
‘I think he does that whenever he sees you,’ Scarlet said with a grin.
‘Oh, very funny!’ Ellie rolled her eyes.
‘Seriously, though, Ellie, I don’t know how I’ll stomach all those wounds,’ Scarlet said.
It made Ellie sick just thinking about it. ‘Sometimes I think how easy it would have been to stay at home and volunteer for something less gory. It sounds selfish, I know, but a factory job would have come with a lot less worries.’ Although then she’d never have met Spencer.
‘It’s not selfish. Before the war, we’d never have thought about leaving home and doing anything like this. Never.’
‘Did you hear that some of the girls are being posted elsewhere?’ Ellie asked. ‘They’ve already prepared to leave.’
‘I know. Why do they do it to us? There is so much uncertainty, and if they just kept us together and told us what was going on, it would make it more bearable.’
‘Did you write your letter yet?’
She looked over at Scarlet when she heard her move, watched as she took a small square of paper from her pocket.
‘Yes. Do you want it?’ Scarlet asked.
Ellie took her own out. She’d written it that morning, when she’d had a few moments alone. She’d have liked to have taken longer over it, but she’d been thinking about it an awfully long time, and if something did happen to her, at least her family would know how much she loved them.
‘Do you want to read it to me first?’ Ellie asked, keeping her voice low. They were told off for having their lamps on or talking too late, and the last thing she wanted was their surly matron to stick her head in and give them a blasting.
‘If we don’t read it to each other now, I guess we’ll always be wondering what the note we’re carrying says.’
Ellie stared at Scarlet. She felt so fortunate to have found a friend to share their journey with. There was one thing she was certain about, above all else: that if anything did happen to her friend, she would move heaven and earth to make sure Scarlet’s family received her letter.
‘Dear Mother and Father,
If you’re reading this letter, it means something dreadful has happened to me. I know you never wanted me to leave home, but I hope you’re proud of all I’ve achieved and done. I want you to know that I thought about you every day – it was what kept me going, knowing I would one day be home. If Thomas comes home alive, tell him how much I loved him and that I never gave up trying to find him, that I truly believed I could somehow save him and bring him home. I hope the war is over when you read this, and that you can look forward to a future of peace. All my love to Rosalie, I wish her happiness, love and children. Don’t forget to tell them about their aunt and how much she would have adored them.
All my love, your daughter,
Scarlet.’
Ellie managed a weak smile, even though tears covered her lashes and threatened to spill. It was awful to think that they might not make it home, but she knew it was a possibility, that some nurses were so close to the front line, and the truth was that they still didn’t even know where they were going to end up.
‘That was beautiful,’ Ellie told her, knowing how hard it must have been for Scarlet to read it aloud.
‘I hope the war ends and we can burn each other’s notes once we’re home, knowing that they’ll never be read,’ Scarlet said.
‘Me too. My mother – it would break her heart a hundred times over if I didn’t come home to her.’
Scarlet looked haunted, the flickering light of their lamp playing shadows across her face.
‘I promised her I’d make it home,’ Ellie whispered. ‘I looked her in the eye and told her that I would be back. She was so brave saying goodbye to me, and I don’t want that to be her last memory of me.’
‘Why did we volunteer for this?’ Scarlet whispered. ‘It seems so real now, and suddenly all I want is to go back.’
‘Because it was the right thing to do,’ Ellie said, summoning strength. She was not about to crumble when she’d stayed so strong until now.
‘So read me yours,’ Scarlet said. ‘Before we get told off by Matron when she does her rounds and finds us up with the lamp on talking, when we’re supposed to be sound asleep.’
Ellie knew that if she poked her head out of their tiny tent and looked around they’d be surrounded by flickering lights inside tents, with nurses chatting into the night, but Scarlet was right. Their matron was becoming more unfriendly by the minute, and she couldn’t bear to be told off. Again.
Ellie opened her own letter, which she had folded into a tiny square. She carefully opened it, holding it up so she could read the words in the less than adequate light. She should have known it by heart; she’d gone through the words in her mind so many times, tried to think what to say and recited it like a speech. But it had been so hard, trying to think of how to comfort her mother, what to say to bring her family some peace if she wasn’t coming home to them. It was an impossible task, although she was grateful that it was done.