I didn’t respond, just slid my thumb across the screen. A few taps of the keyboard later, and there it was.
Nearly two million views now, I thought distantly as I watched myself have sex with the football player I dated in college for several weeks. I couldn’t see his face, but I knew it was him. We were in his dorm room. I recognized the blue blanket and the line of footballs on the headboard, the poster on the wall. The blue curtains.
But… there had never been a camera. I would have never allowed such a thing.
Yet there had been, that much was clear.
I tried to remember the layout of his room. From that angle, the camera must have been on his desk, I thought somewhat distantly — like I was some detective trying to puzzle out a crime scene.
“I didn’t know…”
Zoe wrapped an arm around my shoulders, gripping me harder as I tilted backward just a bit. I felt dizzy, off-center. I locked my knees to keep from falling and forced myself to take deep, calming breaths.
From the corner of my eye, I saw the door open. I didn’t even need to look that way to know it was Kane. I could feel him enter the room.
Silence.
No one spoke. If anyone was breathing, I couldn’t hear it.
“Mom, Nana, I’ll take you to your place,” Kane finally said, his voice low. “Zoe, can you see Eliana home?”
No one moved.
“Kane Bartholomew Steele,” Nana snapped, breaking the tension that had grown to unbearable levels. “You’ll do no such thing. You will see Eliana home, and Zoe will go back with us. We have plenty of room.”
Everyone seemed to begin moving at once, except for me. Except for Kane.
Zoe’s soft lips brushed my cheek. “Everything will be fine, I promise.”
Marsha, still looking stricken, came to stand in front of me. “Eliana, did you cheat on Kane?”
Mutely, I just shook my head.
She nodded. “Did you know you were being recorded?”
I shook it again.
Marsha sighed and gripped my hand. “That’s what I thought. We will hire the best lawyers and the best investigators, don’t you worry.” She too brushed my cheek with her lips. “I’ve not known you long, but I already think of you as a daughter. We’ll get through this somehow.”
Nana was next. She no longer looked stricken, she looked mad as hell. “Damn straight we’ll hire the best, and we’ll get to the bottom of this, don’t you worry. You keep your chin up. You did nothing wrong besides do what comes natural with someone you thought you could trust.” She hmphed. “It’s a good thing they didn’t have those little spy camera things back in my days. Or the internet. People could get away with a lot more back then.” She winked. “Believe me.”
The ice around my heart cracked just a little.
A few moments later, she was wagging her finger under Kane’s nose, muttering something I couldn’t hear. Then they were gone, and the silence stretched again.
“I’m sorry.”
It was the only thing I could say, but it wasn’t enough.
He pressed his hands into his temples, his fingers digging into his hair. “I’m sorry too. That this happened to you. I—”
A light tap on the door interrupted him. It cracked open and Katrina Delaney poked her head in. “Sorry to bother you.”
Kane nodded, and I just stared, realizing this was another person who had seen my body. Watched me, heard me having a sexual experience that should have been private.
Shame washed over me as the violation of what just happened hit, and I began to shake. The tears that had stayed at bay broke through the dam, sending a river down my cheeks. Katrina stepped into the room quickly, closing the door behind her and flipping the lock.
“Eliana, I’m so very sorry,” she said as I sank into a chair, “but you need to know that another video has just been released. It appears to be the same man, same room.”
Kane cursed and turned to face the other way. I couldn’t blame him. I wouldn’t have been able to look at me either. I didn’t even flinch when he punched the wall.
I held out my hand, and Katrina stepped closer, placing her phone in my palm. The video was already cued. All I had to do was tap the button. I took a deep breath and did.
It was me again, totally naked sitting on the same bed with the same footballs in the background. I was giving Brett, the football player, head. Again, he was only visible from the neck down, but my entire profile was on view for the world to see.
“Oh, Eliana, you’re so good. Don’t stop. It’s incredible.”
I remembered his voice. I remembered how it felt to have someone so handsome and popular pay attention to me. I remembered how hard I’d tried to please him.
And there I was, trying to please him, although to someone who wasn’t inside my head at that time, I only looked like another girl gone wild.
I handed the phone back, unable to watch anymore. Katrina sat down beside me. “I’m so sorry.”
Licking my dry lips, I finally found my voice. Maybe it was because she was a virtual stranger, I found it easier to talk to her.
“I’ve only been with three men in my life. My high school boyfriend, Kane, and…” I nodded toward the phone, “him. We dated for a short time my senior year of college. I…”
The horror of what just happened strangled me, closing my throat in a death grip. My life as I’d known it was over. No matter how good I’d been in the past or how good I planned to be in the future, today would define me in a way I could never defend.
Then Kane was there, cupping the sides of my face in his strong hands, forcing me to look up at him. “Baby, breathe. I need you to breathe.”
I tried to inhale, but my lungs wouldn’t inflate, not even a sip of precious air.
“Look at me. See me, Eliana. I’m here. I’m not leaving. We’ll get through this, I promise.”
His beautiful green eyes became my focal point, and in their depths, I attempted to draw strength. As he continued to talk, my lungs loosened and blessed oxygen began to seep through.
“Why did this happen?” I asked, the thoughts finally finding a voice.
As if waking from a deep sleep, feeling began to return to my limbs, and my entire body began to hurt. At the same time, I felt a deep exhaustion climbing through my nervous system.
“I don’t know, but we’ll find out. Right now, let’s focus on what you can control. Your breath, baby. Breathe.”
I closed my eyes and breathed in. Maybe this was a dream. No, a nightmare. Both. I kept my eyes closed, unwilling to allow the light of day inside my head to sort everything out.
Katrina took my hand and squeezed. “Kane is right. Focus on what you can control right now.”
Opening my eyes, I looked over at her and my vision blurred as I saw the compassion on her kind face.
“Please tell me this is a dream,” I said, clinging to hope. Her face fell, giving me my answer.
“What can I do for you?” she asked. “Can I get you something to drink?”
Without giving me time to answer, she stood and headed to the beverage bar and was back with another tea. Kane took it from her and twisted off the lid before putting up to my lips.