“Who are you working for?” he shot back.
She faltered. Her stomach hurt. “Nobody. This mission is all mine.”
“Why?”
She had to tell him the truth for Logan’s sake. “I figured that Ivan would leave me alone after I mated your father.”
Zane’s chin lowered. “He didn’t?”
“No.” She took a deep breath and put her shoulders back. “Ivan killed your dad.”
Zane stepped back. “Excuse me?”
“Ivan is the demon who killed your father.” Her heart hurt now.
“But, but you said Uncle Suri killed the man who murdered Dad.” Zane flattened his hand on the wall as if needing support.
She clasped her hands together, trying not to throw up. “I know.”
“You lied?” Shock glimmered in Zane’s eyes.
“Yes.”
“Why?” he shouted.
Her head jerked. “Why?” she shouted back. “Are you kidding me? You were barely a teen, while Sam and Logan were even younger. If one of you, and I mean just one of you, knew your father’s killer was alive, you would’ve been obsessed with finding him.”
“Damn straight,” Zane bellowed.
“You would’ve been killed,” she said, her voice softening.
Zane swept out an arm. “So you waited until now, until we were all safe, to go after the bastard yourself?”
“Yes.”
Breath burst from his lungs. “By robbing banks and blowing up mines?”
“For starters.”
“Are you crazy?”
She lifted a shoulder, trying not to cry. “Maybe a little.”
Zane shook his head and huffed out a sound of complete denial. “Who are you?”
She was still trying to figure that out. “Zane, I know I let you down, and I’m so sorry. But I’m trying to make it right. I’m trying to fix things.”
“I don’t understand.”
She bent slightly at the waist because her chest hurt so badly. “When Dane died, I didn’t know what to do. Ivan was still after me, and as you know, we demons weren’t aligned with the Realm, so I didn’t know Dage would help. I was so weak. I’m so sorry. You’ll never know how sorry I am.” Tears spilled out over her eyelids and cooled her face.
Zane frowned. “What are you talking about?”
She threw up her hands, finally speaking the whole truth. “I can’t attack minds, and I can’t teleport. I desperately wanted to fight Ivan, but I couldn’t leave you boys alone if I lost. More than that, I couldn’t protect you by myself. I’m so sorry. So sorry I had to take us back to Suri for protection. Everything that happened, all that you’ve been through, is my fault.” The guilt almost swallowed her whole, every night.
He frowned down at her. “No, it isn’t.”
“Do you think I don’t know?” she yelled. “About how hard he trained you? About your being forced to become a soldier, to fight and kill? I know all of it.”
Zane settled his stance, back in control. “I’m a soldier, Mom. Even if we’d stayed in Africa, even if Dad had lived, I’d be right here now.”
She shook her head. “I couldn’t protect you.” A tear fell from her face to plop on her shirt.
“You protected all of us.” He reached her in one long stride and gripped her hands. “We’re strong, and we’re safe. Going back to Suri was the only way you could keep us safe.” Releasing her, he gently wiped the tears from her face. “Stop torturing yourself. We all did our best, and I love you.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Yeah, I do.” He smiled. “Let this go. Trust me.”
She wiped her eyes, finally releasing some of the burden. “I love you, too.”
He tugged her close for a hug, as always, holding her like she was made of glass. “I didn’t know you felt like this, and I should have. I’m sorry.”
She sniffed against his chest. “This is all my fault.”