Where the Memories Lie

 

 

‘Because I think it’s impossible. And if you were reincarnated as someone else or something else, how would you even know you used to be someone else in the first place?’

 

‘Huh?’ She frowned.

 

I shrugged. I didn’t know what I meant, either, but I knew she wouldn’t let it lie until we’d talked about it. ‘If you came back as a tree, for example, trees don’t have brains, do they? So they won’t remember they used to be you before, so how would you actually know you were reincarnated? If you were a tree. Or something equally brainless.’

 

She ignored me and drew her knees up to her chest. ‘I’ve been thinking about it a lot, though,’ she carried on. ‘And I think it’s a really nice idea. Poppy could really be someone we know, couldn’t she? She could actually be Granny Tate. I mean, how do you know her spirit didn’t come back inside Poppy when she died?’

 

I bit back a remark about how crazy that sounded. But if Anna wanted to believe in reincarnation, maybe it was a good thing. Anything that helped her get over Tom’s death was a good thing, especially since Ethan and I would now have to break the even worse news about the skeleton being Katie. Anyway, Poppy hadn’t even been born when Eve died.

 

‘Yes, maybe she is,’ I agreed, hoping to make her feel better about things.

 

199

 

Sibel Hodge

 

‘Which means that Granddad could come back as something else or someone else, too. Which means he’s not really dead, is he?

 

He’s just kind of . . . in limbo, waiting to return.’

 

‘Well, when you look at it like that, I suppose so, yes.’ I tried to raise a smile in agreement.

 

‘And the people on death row, they’ll come back as something else, won’t they?’

 

‘Hopefully not as psychotic murderers again,’ I said.

 

‘They’d have to come back as an animal or an insect if they’d done something wrong, because I think the Buddhists believe that only people who do good things come back as humans. If you com-mitted a crime then you’d come back as, like, a goat or a snail, or a mosquito or something. I’m not a hundred per cent sure, though.

 

I need to do some more research.’

 

‘Oh, well, that makes sense. Karma and all that. Who wants to be a mosquito?’

 

‘So, say for example, you got pregnant again right now, my baby brother or sister could actually be Granddad. It’s weird, when you think about it, isn’t it?’

 

According to what she’d just said, Tom would more likely come back as an ant or a flea, I thought.

 

She grabbed the laptop from the floor and opened it. ‘I’m going to google it some more.’

 

I kissed the top of her head, thankful the conversation was over and worrying about how to broach the next one.

 

As I put the bowl and glass in the dishwasher my gaze strayed to the garage again. What had really happened here twenty-five years ago?

 

I tried Ethan’s mobile phone but it was still switched off. He’d done this every day since Tom’s death but he was usually back when I got home from work so I was starting to get worried.

 

200

 

Where the Memories Lie I went into my bedroom, shut the door and phoned Nadia, but I didn’t even have to ask her the question because as soon as she heard my voice, she said, ‘He’s here.’

 

‘Oh.’ I tried to hide the disappointment that my husband had turned to Nadia for comfort rather than me. I felt excluded. But then I told myself I was being petty and ridiculous. If he needed to talk to his sister to help him cope, who was I to stop him? Still, what about me? I needed comforting, too. I was being left to answer Anna’s questions and deal with the police and my own conflicting feelings about what had really happened to Katie while he just distanced himself from me. From us.

 

‘Do you want to talk to him?’

 

‘Yes, please, if it’s not too much trouble.’ I really tried not to sound snarky, but it didn’t work.