How could I have ever blamed him?
He cleared his throat, though everything coming from him was still craggy and pitted with grief. “They took Brendon by C-section. He was born at 6:12 this morning. He had no issues other than mild fetal distress, probably brought on by Kenzie’s trauma. They delivered him and transitioned her straight into surgery to repair her abdominal wall.”
His bottom lip trembled. “Inch lower, and they’d both be dead.”
My eyes dropped closed again. Thinking if I closed them long enough, it might set time in rewind. Take me back to where it all started. To that one decision I’d made.
One mistake.
All it took was one mistake for the world to fall down around you.
One mistake to set you on a collision course with yourself.
Knew it all along.
Kenz didn’t belong in my world, hard as I’d tried to keep her there.
Doug leaned forward. Anger eclipsed the sorrow and exhaustion that’d sagged his shoulders just a minute before. He rammed his index finger into the table. “One inch, Lyrik…one inch and you would’ve killed my baby and yours.”
I couldn’t even respond, because what was I going to say?
Knew I was to blame.
Guilt swallowed me like a ship going down in the middle of an icy ocean.
A shiver slicked down my spine.
He flipped open the folder sitting on the table.
I tried to breathe.
To sit still and accept my punishment when I somehow realized the executioner had come to collect.
I blinked long, focus blurry yet somehow excruciatingly clear.
On the top was a sheet where my charges were listed, and he pushed it across the table toward me.
Possession of cocaine and heroin with intent to distribute. Two counts of reckless endangerment.
I gave him a slight nod of understanding.
He pulled out a short stack of papers clipped together at the top, hand shaking when he slid it my way.
It was a plea bargain.
What the fuck?
My attention jerked up to meet the weariness lining his face.
“What, you’re my attorney now?” Didn’t mean it to sound so bitter.
“Just want the best for all parties involved.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He hefted a shoulder. “Read it.”
I lifted my shackled wrists to the table, metal clanging as I pulled the papers closer so I could see the details.
The bitter fucking details.
I got a free pass.
No doubt, there were all kinds of strings being pulled, and it was Doug who held them like a puppeteer.
I could walk as long as I signed away my parental rights.
As long as I agreed to never see Kenzie again.
Didn’t even know if this shit was legal.
I shook my head. Blinking. Unseeing.
“You want me to walk away from them.” It wasn’t a question.
He kept his voice even. “I just want the best for them.”
On a heavy exhale, he shifted, dug into the inside pocket of his jacket, and pulled out an envelope. “Can’t have this on record, but sign and it’s yours. It’s all the money I have to give. You walk away and I promise I’ll take care of them. I’ll make sure they have the kind of life you could never give them. Or you can sit and rot in jail for the next five to ten years and you won’t have her anyway. Your choice.”
Your choice? There was no fucking choice. Either way, I’d lost my family.
Ruined it all.
He set the thin envelope next to the agreement.
Overwhelming grief formed in every cell of my being. But I pushed it down, and instead let each inch of me harden to the point of pain. Brittle and broken and harsh. I welcomed it. Could feel the grit of my teeth. “And Baz?”
“Your friend’s going to jail one way or the other. Got him down to a couple of years, and he’ll probably be out in less than a year if he keeps his nose clean on the inside.”
I ran my finger under the open edge of the envelope, lifting it enough so I could peek inside. Not that I gave a shit what the number read.
One hundred thousand dollars.
No doubt, this was their entire life savings.
“Need to talk to Baz…” I swallowed over the razors in my throat. “And I want to tell Kenzie myself.”
He hesitated, and I shook my head. “Won’t do it any other way.”
It seemed in reluctance, but finally he nodded. Quickly, I scanned through the agreement then scribbled my name on the line, not giving two fucks if I was unknowingly signing away my life. I’d just paid for the one thing I wanted.
One minute with Kenzie.
One minute with my son.
I picked up the envelope and shot Doug a grin.
He dropped his gaze.
Like he couldn’t stand to look at me.
Seemed about right, because I couldn’t stand myself.
“You expect somethin’ different?” I asked, that bitterness baring its teeth.
He looked up and met my stare straight on. “Yeah…guess maybe I did.”
“Last thing I meant was to sell you out, leave you in this hole by yourself when I belong here, too, but this is the one thing I need.”