Jesus.
I guessed that was my answer, because Kenzie was holding herself like she was holding it.
And I was kind of in shock. Had no clue what I’d gotten myself into. How to manage the shift from five minutes ago to now.
But there was one thing I knew.
I moved to her, climbed to my feet while picking her up at the same time, one arm under her back and the other under her knees. I carried her to my bed and lay down with her curled up against me, whispered at her head. “I’m in this with you, Kenz. We can do this.”
Gaze intense, she inched back so she could see my face. “I know we can, Lyrik. But I need to know if you want to.”
A soft smile pulled all around my mouth. Maybe there should have been hesitation. There wasn’t. “Yeah, I do.”
She chewed at her bottom lip, hard…hard like it was difficult for her to say. “We have to stop.”
I knew exactly what she was saying. What she was implying. Leaving the mess behind that was close to consuming me, the constant parties and drugs and endless nights.
“I know. I will.” I kissed across her knuckles. “I promise.”
A fresh round of tears slipped from her eyes, but these weren’t so sad. “Tell me you love me.”
I brushed the hair back from her face so I could see those brown eyes. Big and wide and full of trust. I gave her the complete and utter truth.
“You sing my soul.”
I lay curled on the cold linoleum floor. Naked. Shaking. Freezing cold and sweating all the same.
I lurched, just making it back onto my knees to puke some more.
Everything hurt.
But they were worth it.
“What the fuck, man, you can’t just leave.”
Ash was on my heels, chasing me from room to room while I packed my things, like it was going to alter my decision.
I hoisted my guitar case to the table and lay my baby in the velvet. I snapped it closed. “Yes, I can.”
“What about the band?”
A nagging ache tugged somewhere deep in my chest. It was from that place where I’d grown up dreaming about me and the rest of the guys making it big. Dreams of playing the music I loved widespread enough that someone else might love it, too. It was all mixed up with my loyalty to the guys, my friends that had always been more like family than anything else.
But none of that mattered now. I glanced at Ash who was fisting his hair like it might wake him up from a nightmare.
I gave him a shrug that was somehow loaded with guilt. “You know I can’t go on livin’ this life and have a family. Two just don’t mix.”
“Why not? I mean, come on. You’re just going to up and leave us hanging…after everything? We’re so close, man. So fucking close I can taste it, and we can’t do it without you.”
I hefted the case from the table. “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to.”
It was always a little bit awkward pulling up in front of the house of a guy you knew hated your guts.
For the last two months, I’d chilled at my parents’ place, working my ass off at the shop where I’d gotten a job. I loved cars and bikes about as much as I loved my guitar, so it really wasn’t all that bad of a gig. I’d saved every damn penny I’d earned except for the bit I gave my mom to cover my stay, scrimping enough together for the deposit and the first and last month’s rent on a tiny one-bedroom apartment.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been all that surprised when we found out Kenzie had pretty much gotten pregnant straight off. Could I really have expected anything else? But I guess when you’re living in a haze day after day, you remain out of touch of reality, little thought given to repercussions and results.
But honestly, I couldn’t say I regretted it or wished I could change it, even if ours wasn’t the most ideal situation in the world. She made me fucking happy and I knew I made her that way, too.
I clicked open my door and she came running out. She was just now showing, her tiny frame giving way to her five-month bump.
After tonight she’d be going home with me. She was eighteen and finally mine.
Not that her parents hadn’t thrown up all kinds of roadblocks, trying to keep us apart.
Maybe they wanted to see if I’d stick around.
Maybe they wanted to see if she’d change her mind.
But my dedication had never wavered or faltered in that time, even when I’d been threatened with arrest and a record tied to my name. Of course, that’s all any of it had turned out to be.
Threats.
She threw herself in my arms, and I lifted her, swinging her around. “Happy Birthday, Kenz.”
“Best birthday ever,” she squealed through her excitement.
Yeah. She most definitely had not changed her mind.
Laughing, I set her down, wrapped my hand up in hers. “You’re really gonna put me through this, huh?”
She stepped out in front of me, still holding my hand, grinning as she walked backward and led me up the walk. “How are they supposed to fall in love with you if they don’t know you?”