I have lost that, I realise, and this revelation is like a punch to my gut.
There is a chance that I will never again be able to stand to kiss her, or God – even to lie on top of her in bed while we make love, or to help her reach the jam on the top shelf of the pantry. That’s all gone, for now at least, and it’s my fault. I chose to go to Syria, and according to Brad, I designed that assignment and I even convinced Kisani to let me do it. And now I can’t sweep my wife off her feet to ravish her in the way that she loves to be ravished – the way she deserves to be ravished.
‘Hi,’ she says. I try to pull my thoughts back down out of orbit and focus on the other vital part of my life that I’m at serious risk of losing: Molly.
‘You look amazing,’ I whisper. She gives me a surprised smile, and thanks me demurely. ‘But where’s the wedding album?’
Molly hesitates and looks back to the terrace behind her. ‘I already locked up…’
‘Could you go back?’
‘Really, Leo – there are so many locks on the door…’
I had particularly wanted to look through the photos with her over dinner, but she obviously has no intention of going back inside and I have no intention of starting the night by making her cranky.
‘Maybe we can come back here after dinner then and look through it together?’
‘If you want to.’
Molly clips her seatbelt as the driver closes the door behind her and I lift the bouquet of flowers we picked up on the drive over.
‘What’s this?’ she asks suspiciously, and I present them to her with as much of a flourish as I can manage given that I’m literally stuck on my arse in a chair that’s strapped to the ground.
‘Beautiful flowers, for my beautiful wife.’
‘Right,’ she says, but the suspicion lingers in her voice until she takes the flowers and lifts them to her face. She inhales the scent, and when she lowers them away again, there’s just the faintest hint of a smile left behind.
‘There she is,’ I murmur.
‘There who is?’
‘There’s the Molly I remember; the one who could light up the whole world with a smile.’
She rolls her eyes and sits the flowers down onto the seat beside her, and while she’s distracted, I blow out the last of my breath and push all thoughts of my useless legs to the back of my mind. I will not let self-pity ruin this night. It is too important to me – and to us.
‘So where are you taking me? And while I’m asking questions, I should quickly check – who are you and what you have you done with my husband?’
‘Our destination tonight is…’ I trail off dramatically and then I wink at her, ‘a surprise.’
‘Not fair, Leo,’ she complains, but she’s laughing.
‘Also – it’s a mystery.’
‘Well, you are the writer and I hate to pick you up on this but mystery and surprise, don’t they basically mean the same thing?’
‘Not at all. It’s a surprise because you don’t know where we’re going. And it’s a mystery because I don’t exactly know why.’
‘Aren’t you a bundle of confusing lines tonight? I can’t wait to see what you’ve got in store.’
I watch her face as the van makes its way down into Sydney’s city centre. She’s looking out the window, and the warm afternoon sunlight flickers across her face at times when it manages to get past the increasingly tall buildings otherwise blocking it. I think I can pinpoint the exact minute she realises where we are going and I’m pleased with her reaction. Her eyebrows lift with the corners of her lips.
‘Figured it out?’ I prompt, and she glances back at me.
‘Maybe.’
‘What a coy response.’
‘I’m pretty sure I know where and why.’
‘I hope so,’ I say wryly. I’ve picked a bar that I can remember visiting, but I don’t know what we were doing there. I only know that while I was there, I felt a pull towards Molly that was deeper and more intense than anything else I’ve ever felt in my life. I assume it was some kind of milestone moment for us, and I can’t wait to find out what it was.
‘So, tell me again why you picked “wherever” it is we’re going?’ she prompts.
‘I’ve been trying to think of somewhere romantic to take you and I just kept picturing this place. I can’t remember why it’s special, mind you, which is where you and your fully functional brain will hopefully fill in the blanks.’
The van stops and Molly leans forward to look out the window. She sits back and frowns.
‘Leo, where the hell are we?’
‘I thought you’d figured it out?’
‘No, I thought you were taking us to the hotel on the next block, which is where we had our reception. And spent our wedding night, actually. So what’s this place? It looks like a bar.’
‘It is a bar.’ And a very upmarket one at that, which is why I assumed she had introduced me to it. ‘Haven’t we been here before?’