‘Teresa,’ I said suddenly, ‘Can you go in and see if my parents are in there?’
She smiled at me and disappeared into the church. I walked up into the lobby too, but as soon as I was inside, a burst of anxiety hit me and immediately I walked back down the stairs onto the footpath again.
‘Molly,’ Teresa said softly, from the top of the stairs. When I looked up at her, she shook her head.
‘They’re coming,’ I said. ‘I’ll give them a few more minutes. What time is it?’
‘It’s five past four, Molly,’ Anne said quietly.
I closed my eyes and pictured the aisle, and imagined Leo waiting at the end, and I wanted desperately to go to him and start our life together. But the thought of walking into that church alone and giving up on my parents was unbearable.
‘My mum isn’t even in there?’ I whispered. I couldn’t cry – I wouldn’t cry.
‘I’m so sorry, Molly.’
‘I’ll just give them five more minutes,’ I said suddenly, and I stood there on the footpath clutching my bouquet as I imagined how relieved I’d feel when their car pulled into the street. I heard movement on the stairs behind me and when I turned around, Leo was there. He was wearing the dark charcoal suit we’d picked out together, with an ivory tie the same shade as my dress. Because he dressed so casually most of the time, I was always startled by how handsome he looked in a suit.
‘You’re not supposed to see me,’ I said stiffly. He caught me in his arms, but I tried to hold my face away from him so I wouldn’t smudge my make-up all over him.
‘They aren’t coming, Molly.’
‘But… I don’t have any family here,’ I whispered, and I suddenly felt all panicky – how could this be my wedding day?
‘You do,’ Leo said firmly. ‘You’re my family. And my family is yours now. And…’
He released me and he pulled back his sleeve and showed me the tattoo he’d had made for Declan. ‘And your brother is with us, love. Somehow, he’s here today, watching you – cheering us on.’
‘I know,’ I said, and I clenched my jaw. Think happy thoughts, Mum used to say, just hold the big feelings in until you’re in private. ‘They should be here, Leo.’
‘I’m sorry, honey.’
‘Dad’s supposed to walk me down the aisle.’
‘Molly,’ Leo said slowly, pleadingly. ‘You don’t need Laith to give you away, sweetheart. You were never his to give.’
Leo looked so worried, and I thought about how excited he’d been that morning and how this moment of tension did not belong in our special day. I knew, with one hundred per cent certainty, that I was making the right choice and marrying the right man. I drew in a slow breath to fortify myself and press away the last of the urge to cry.
‘Are we still doing this, Molly?’ Leo asked me gently.
‘We are,’ I said, and after a few more deep breaths, I flashed him my most brilliant smile. ‘Of course we are.’
‘Then let’s go,’ he said, and he extended his elbow towards me.
‘You’re going to walk me down the aisle?’
He smiled at me. ‘This day is about us, so let’s do it our way.’
28
Leo – August 2015
I am adjusting gradually to the bombshells Molly has dropped on me in the last week – a second wave of shocks after the initial shock of her presence in my life. There are so many parallels between my present situation and those moments back in Rome – I was initially sceptical that we were together, but I quickly realised that on some level, I knew it to be true.
Already I feel the same way about the separation. Looking back, I can see that there were signs all along in this last month that something wasn’t quite right between Molly and me. Now that I understand it better, I intend to do something about it. Failure is not an option here – the only thing I am still struggling to believe is how I could ever have considered giving up on us.
I text Molly and ask her to skip our usual afternoon together the day after her scan, and instead, I ask her to dress up and come out for dinner and to bring our wedding album. When the van arrives in the laneway behind our house, I watch her walk from the courtyard into the laneway. She is wearing a stunning purple dress and pearl jewellery, with just the right amount of make-up. Her hair is rolled up tightly and pinned at her neck. She looks classy and polished and she’s mine.
I imagine myself running to Molly and wrapping my arms around her, and as I do so, I am achingly aware the skills involved in that movement are as much a mystery to me now as the ability to fly is.