‘It is a fair question though, isn’t it? Are you going to tell me you didn’t throw a heap of your own money into this place just to make yourself feel better?’
I sit back against the backrest and stare at him. I think of the thousands of hours I’ve invested in this community in the period Leo has forgotten. This has become my life’s work, and that work has benefited hundreds of people, including the community Leo loves. And all of it – every minute of every hour and every tear I’ve shed when I’ve failed and every drop of sweat I’ve expended – all of it was inspired by Leo, and that brutal wake-up call I’d had that first night he brought me here. I am so incensed at his attitude that I can’t bring myself to speak.
‘Well?’ he prompts.
‘If you’re going to be a bastard, Leo, you can show yourself around the place,’ I snap at him, and rise. ‘I have plenty of work to do. The buildings are all wheelchair accessible, give me a call when you’re done.’
‘Why are you getting so defensive? Can’t I even talk to you about this? I’m not saying you haven’t done good work here – I’m just trying to understand why.’
‘What would you have me do, Leo? You brought me here for perspective. Do you remember what this place was like? Every damned day Andrew and his team worked here there was some vital need they couldn’t afford to meet.’
‘So explain it to me.’ I soften a little at the pleading edge to his voice. I don’t sit back down, but I do slide my hands into the pockets of my jeans and meet his gaze again. ‘What happened?’
‘You insisted I help set up.’ This new facility has a permanent martial arts studio with proper flooring, but back in those days space was at a premium so safety mats had to be packed down after every class to expose the basketball court. The mats were surprisingly heavy and unyielding, and I’d been covered in sweat by the time we finished.
That night was the pivotal point in my life. Drew had set up an anti-truancy programme with the local high schools – by attending school consistently, kids could earn a pass to fitness classes and a meal afterwards. Leo explained the purpose of the programme as I watched the karate class, then while he helped instruct the kids I moved into the cafeteria and got chatting to some of the basketball students while they ate spaghetti.
If I live to be a hundred years old, I’ll still remember the way I felt talking to those kids that night. I didn’t go looking for their darkest secrets, but even in the course of small talk with them, I caught my first glimpse into lives marked by struggle and disadvantage. I am wiser now – I understand that these are basic aspects of human existence – but at that stage in my life I had no concept of how other people lived or the challenges they faced.
There was no way I could walk away and go back to my old life after that night. I’d always figured that was why Leo brought me there in the first place.
‘You helped set up for the karate class?’ Leo prompts now, dragging me back to the present.
I nod. ‘I asked Drew why he didn’t just hire another room for the martial arts classes, some place he could leave set up all the time. He quite patiently explained that other than a tiny government grant, the whole place was funded by the local community and the budget only just covered the rent and staff salaries. To me it didn’t make sense that Andrew wasted so much of his time trying to raise money from a community that had so little. That’s what started it all.’
‘So you gave him money?’ Leo surmises, and I frown at the distaste in his tone.
‘Don’t say it like that, you make it sound sordid. Anyway, would it have been a problem if I did?’
‘I just know how this works. People like you––’
‘People like me? We’re back to that?’ I gasp, and I throw my hands in the air. ‘You still have no idea what kind of person I am.’
‘I’m just trying to understand if what I’m seeing here is the wealthy white person coming into our community and telling us how to fix it,’ Leo says tightly.
I’m done with this – the pinch of disappointment in my chest has twisted so tight that I feel like I’m going to snap. I thought I’d show Leo around the new centre and watch him explore it with joy and excitement, and I’d get the added bonus of pride in his eyes when he looked at me. It didn’t occur to me for a second that he’d be somehow offended by it.
He has never given me any indication that he wasn’t on board with the work for the Foundation, but I pause and reflect on his attitude over these last few years. He certainly had moments of enthusiasm, especially when the new gym was taking shape. Recently, he’s been more distant, but I’d only thought about that in the context of his work, not mine. Could he have been resentful all along?