From the moment I came out of the restroom, it was like we were three pairs of strangers at the lake who just happened to put their blankets near one another.
Kendall and James went swimming together, and I watched them sit on the edge of the dock. Their heads close, their mouths moving. From that distance, it looked like James could have been desperately in love with Kendall or completely ambivalent toward her. But Kendall’s body language was large enough to be read from where I sat. She wanted everything he had to offer, and probably a lot of things he didn’t.
Eliza and Max went for a walk to the creek. I didn’t know who had suggested it, only that they were gone when I returned, and that I was glad they were gone. Also, that I felt sad to be glad.
Camden and I lay on our backs, our heads touching, him reading my borrowed copy of Time Enough and me reading Planet Jasmine. Every once in a while, one of us made a joke about what was happening in our story.
“Uh-oh, Marr,” I’d say. “Keep it in your pants.”
In this way, the reality we shared right then was the one that mattered, the Silver Arrow reality we knew would have a happy ending even if it took us a while to get there.
Eventually, it was time for me to leave so I could pick up Danielle.
Kendall was out on the raft with James, so Camden walked me to my car, hobbling in his bare feet over the hot pavement of the parking lot. We kissed good-bye briefly, only halfway on the lips.
“Do you regret letting us steal you?” he asked as he opened my door for me.
“Never,” I said.
But it wasn’t until I was driving away from the lake that I realized I’d actually meant it.
17
“Why are we going to Millie’s?” asked Dani from the backseat, twirling a pink-and-yellow lanyard she’d made that day.
“Don’t you want to see Daddy? He’ll let you pick out some stickers.”
We rarely brought Dani to the store. All she wanted was to take stuff home. But I needed to get the paint set back on the shelf before closing time.
“Hey!” said Richard when we walked in. “What a surprise!”
He came around the counter and scooped up Dani. I looked at the pile of receipts and noticed there were more than usual. It must have gotten busy after I left.
“She wanted to come see you,” I said.
“No, I didn’t,” said Dani.
“Well, it seemed like she did. And I think I left my book here.”
Richard nodded, more preoccupied with the lanyard Dani was shoving in his face.
“I made it all by myself!” she said. “With my counselor! And a C.I.T.! It’s for Mommy on her first day of work.”
“She’ll love it,” said Richard. “Want some stickers? I got new ones.”
He put her down in front of the sticker rolls and put his head close to hers, showing her the options.
I took this moment to step into the paint aisle and dig the set out of my bag, stick it back into the empty space on the shelf like it was the final piece of a puzzle. I wished I wasn’t so good at arranging the displays. Richard would have noticed it was missing when he was doing his end-of-the-day rounds.
I took a deep breath and turned away from the paints. Dani was watching me over her shoulder as Richard was putting some sticker sheets into a paper bag for her.
Here I was, right back on the track of the day. Back in the store, tasked with a few hours to keep Dani entertained. It was easy to feel like the hours at the lake, the messy intensity of it, had all been a dream I’d come up with while stuck at the counter, waiting for the front door to ding open.
Mom had said she’d be home at six thirty but it was past seven with no sign of her. Richard and I sat at the table, watching our tortellini get cold. Dani had already eaten and retreated to her room.
“This isn’t going to work,” I said. He knew I meant trying to eat together as a family.
“Traffic,” was all he could respond, then took a forkful of pasta. “It’s ridiculous for us to wait. I’m digging in.”
“Maybe from now on Dani and I should eat together, then you can wait and eat with Mom.”
Richard raised his eyebrows. “I can eat with Mom?”
“Why, don’t you want to eat dinner with your wife?”
He speared another tortellini, not meeting my glance. “Of course I do. I don’t know what I meant by that.”
I started eating, too. After a minute or two of silence, I finally paused and said, “Thanks for today.”
Richard smiled. “I’d say anytime, but I can’t, really.”
“I know.”
“I’m glad you had fun.”
I hadn’t said I’d had fun. But why wouldn’t he assume that? Who wouldn’t have fun on a perfect summer day with a boy she’s just realized she’s in love with? That would be me.
“I know the store got busy,” I said. “I hope you were okay.”
He shrugged. “It’s good that it got busy.”
We finished our pasta and I stood up, took Richard’s bowl to the sink for him.