“I haven’t nailed a hundred women, Star, and I never once judged you, so don’t take it out on me.”
“See, I know that. You should be even worse because you obviously put a lot of meaning into sex, and I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. I felt the meaning you put into it. I know it’s not all fun for you. I know you’re looking for something more. I can feel it. What I don’t know is why you feel the need to throw your list of conquests in my face like you want it to hurt me. It doesn’t, at least not in the way you think. And, yeah, I challenged you to do it, but I get the feeling you’ve been waiting for the chance. Why?”
To his astonishment, her eyes filled with tears. “Because you can’t fall for me.” She watched him as he climbed from the bed, watched in some kind of wretched, yearning despair as he moved closer to her, even fought him for half a second when he reached her. “I won’t let you.”
But she melted into his arms all the same, warm and soft and damp where her tearstained cheek met his naked chest. Breaking down after having tried to stay strong for too long; Jesus, he knew the feeling. And he had only two words for her. “Watch me.”
***
She wanted to die, or drop through the floor, or somehow disappear forever, but it wasn’t to be. The shame didn’t originate from her past, but from how she’d aimed every word at him like a dagger when he’d done absolutely nothing since she’d met him but be kind to her. If he had any sense at all behind those killer blue eyes, he would kick her out on her ass, and she would deserve it. She should throw herself down on her knees in front of him and beg him to love her forever, but it was because he meant so much to her that she didn’t. She was no good for him or his kids, despite everything she’d thought earlier tonight at the pizza place. A role model to young girls? What a fucking laugh. She was rotten.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, clutching him tight so he wouldn’t try to make her look at him right now, as he was fond of doing. “I’m so sorry.”
Jared’s big hand stroked soothingly down her hair. “Shh. It’s all right, baby.”
“That was all a long time ago. Believe it or not, I used to be more fucked-up than I am now.”
“Then I only wish we could have found each other sooner.”
She chuckled sadly. “You would have been married.”
“Hmm.” His lips pressed into the top of her head, and finally she was able to relax her grip on him a bit. Her fingernails must have been biting half-moons into his back, but he hadn’t complained. “Our timing sucks all around, doesn’t it?”
“Honestly? I don’t know how I could get through this without you. So our timing couldn’t be more perfect, as far as I’m concerned.”
“When you put it that way, yeah, you’re absolutely right. I’m glad I could be around to help.”
She lifted her head and looked up at him for what she had to say next. “I want you to know I’m clean. I’m not going to say I’ve been safe every time, but I’ve gotten the all-clear since all that, and I’ve been safe ever since.”
“I haven’t been with anyone since my ex. Pretty sure you already knew that, but, you know, there it is.”
“Shelly seems nice. I guess I didn’t expect that. Exes are supposed to be evil, malicious bitches.”
He chuckled. “She’s very nice. For so long I wondered what the hell was wrong with me that I couldn’t get along with someone as good as she is.”
Wow, didn’t that hit close to home at the moment. “I would think the same of you. I’m so sorry for…just now.”
“Stop apologizing. I think you have some things to work through, more things than you realize. But it’s all right, I imagine everyone does, even me.”
“Any deep, dark secrets you’d like to share so maybe I don’t feel like such an idiot?”
“You already know my deepest, darkest secret, but then so does the whole damn town.”
She supposed he meant that he allowed his marriage to derail over Macy. Maybe that should bother her more than it did, but considering their other problems, Macy seemed like a nonissue. He went on, playing with a pink strand of her hair. “Imagine walking around here knowing that. I got so sick of the gossip, I wanted to move away, but I’m stuck. I love this house, this place, I love that my girls are growing up around family and friends. Leaving here would mean leaving them since Shelly has primary custody, and I would never try to fight that or put them in a position where they had to choose between us.” Those incredible eyes strayed from his fingers’ preoccupation with her hair to return to her gaze, and the intensity there took her breath away. “I do have one confession.”