Starla’s heart shot from the pit of her stomach to the base of her throat, choking her. She had two choices: follow him or run and never come back. Helplessly, she chose to follow him, noting that the conversation in the front picked back up at their brief appearance. Ugh. Shoot me now.
Brian waited until she’d entered the room and shut the door behind them. She positively shook with her heartbeat now and, frustratingly, her earlier tears had yet to dry. Sighing, he took up his usual position, whether he was bullshitting with his employees or chewing their asses out—or hearing confessions of unrequited love, apparently: leaning against the front of his desk. She chose to remain standing close to the door. Easier to run that way.
“I do get it,” he said at last, just when she thought she might start screaming if only to fill the intolerable silence between them. He opened his mouth to go on.
“Wait,” she put in quickly. “Let me get this out first. There is no way, no fucking way on this planet that I would try to interfere with what you have. That isn’t what this is about. I want you to know that. In fact, I could never show my face again if I thought you—”
“I already know that. If you didn’t feel that way, you would’ve already tried to interfere with it. I know that besides whatever else goes on in your head, you’re a damn good person. One of the best.”
“No,” she said miserably, “I’m not. Candace would hate me. She’s…she’s like my little sister.”
“I don’t think Candace is capable of hating anybody. Especially her big sister. Now let me go on.” She hated that she noticed the way his broad shoulders expanded when he drew a deep breath. “Like I said, I get it. Star—I’m only going to say this once, and I don’t know if it’ll make things better or worse. But I can’t see how they could get much worse. So here goes. I’d be lying through my teeth if I told you the thought of you and me had never crossed my mind before Candace came along. You are beautiful. You’re hilarious and you’re crazy talented. We understand each other in a way I don’t think anyone else could. I realize that, and I cherish it.”
“Thank you,” she told him softly. “I do too.”
“The last thing I want to do is lose it. Which is probably why I never made a move back then, because I was such a fuckup myself that I didn’t want to fuck us up. I care about you so much. But she came along and…” He trailed off, and Starla was both warmed by the light in his eyes and heartbroken by it. Ever since they’d sat in a bar one night a lifetime ago while he’d been drowning his sorrows over Candace during their rocky inception, she’d seen that light. She’d known then he was gone.
“I know,” she said. “You don’t have to explain.”
“She’s it for me,” he finished simply. “She was the go-for-broke one I couldn’t do without.”
“I know,” she repeated. “And that’s seriously awesome. You guys are magic together. I see it. Happiness is all I’ve ever wanted for you. You deserve it. At the same time, though, it hurts. It hurts a lot.” And what he’d said was accurate—she didn’t know if the pain was made better or worse by knowing that she might’ve had a shot if she’d only spoken up. “It’s not getting better for me. Imagine seeing Candace with someone else day after day after day.”
“I’d kill someone,” he said grimly. “But you can’t say that you feel about me the same way—”
“Don’t,” she warned him. “Don’t you dare assume you know how this feels. Don’t. You have no idea.”
He simply stared at her for a moment. She bravely held his gaze until he dropped it to the floor near her shoes. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I don’t either. So I said ‘I quit.’ Make sense now? Best to let it go. There isn’t a solution.”
“If I can come up with one, would you consider it?”
“Like what?”
“I have an idea. Let me think on it.”
She shrugged. “I’m open to anything, I guess. I don’t want to leave. I just feel like I don’t have a choice.”
“You know my highest wish for you is that you’ll find what I have. You deserve it.”
She waved that off. “No one can put up with my crazy for long.”
“Hey,” Brian said seriously. “Ghost found someone to put up with him. You should be a cakewalk. Just stop with these assholes who don’t know shit about how to treat you, or even realize what they have in you. Whatever you’re looking for, you won’t find it there.”