He pulls away from me and his absence is cold.
“What’s going on, Calla?” he asks, his back to me as he sits on the side of the bed. “What do you know?”
I’m a terrible liar, so I decide not to try.
The consequences can be damned.
“I know that everyone wants an answer from me. I know I’m here for a reason.”
Dare looks at me over his shoulder, and his expression is so vulnerable.
“I’m tired of feeling crazy,” I tell him. “Is that the answer? Is that what everyone is waiting for? For me to admit that I’m crazy?”
He shakes his head and sighs.
“Are you lying to me?” I demand and he pushes my hair back with his fingers.
“No.”
“A secret is the same thing as a lie,” I tell him.
He looks away, because he knows.
Chapter 27
Day by day, I’m more and more convinced that I’m slipping away from sanity.
Day by day, Sabine convinces me that I’m not.
“Close your eyes,” Sabine directs me, so I do. She takes my hand and hers is dry, it’s small and twisted and I absorb her warmth.
“Picture the place where you saw Olivia,” she tells me, so I do.
I hear the ocean, I see the pictures of Dare, I see her filmy nightgown, her soft heart-shaped face. I hear the accusation in her voice.
“Bring him to me,” she directs me.
“Where are you?” I ask.
“I’m nearby,” she answers mysteriously.
“Can you tell me?”
She shakes her head and her face is so very sad.
“No. You must figure it out.”
I feel helpless and scared, and that feeling builds and builds.
“I can’t figure it out,” I tell her desperately. “That’s the problem. You’re dead. I don’t know where you are.”
“You can,” she assures me. “You must. Energy cannot be destroyed. I’m everywhere.”
I squeeze my eyes closed and when I do, the images shimmer and change.
I’m getting into a car.
Finn is with me, and my father, too.
“If I’m going, I’m driving,” I tell them.
And I drive down the mountain.
And my mother, My mother,
My mother.
The night is dark, the ground is cold.
The words whisper and morph and I’m confused.
I look at Olivia.
“That isn’t what happened.”
She nods and she’s sad and her eyes become headlights.
I startle, and my eyes open.
Sabine is waiting for me, waiting for answers.
All I have are questions,
And confusion,
And lies.
It didn’t happen that way.
Sabine is still waiting, her eyes dark.
“Did you see Olivia?”
I nod. Because I did see her.
“What was around her? The sea? Was there anything else?”
I shake my head.
“No. She was just standing in front of me.”
Sabine clucks, and she’s patient. “You must open your mind, Calla. Let it come.”
I tried. But when I do, nonsense comes.
Lies.
But I nod, because what else can I do?
They need me to figure this out.
Olivia is lost.
And so am I.
This can’t be real.
Dreams aren’t real.
“Your dreams are,” Sabine tells me. “Dreams are your mind’s way of leading you to the light. Follow it, Calla.”
The only thing I follow is Dare. He comes to get me and we walk the halls, and we stroll through the gardens and we make our way to our spot.
The secret garden,
Our place.
The angels stare at us with empty eyes, and I sag into Dare.
He’s so warm,
So strong, so strong,
So real.
“Is this happening?” I ask him. “Because sometimes, I can’t tell the difference.”
He tilts my head back with his thumb, lifting my face to the sky. His eyes claim me, stroke me, ignite me.
I fold into his palms,
And he holds me up.
“I’m real,” he says into my hair. “You’re real.”
We’re standing in the sun,
There’s no reason to be afraid.
Right?
Dare kisses me and his lips are sunlight. He touches me and his fingers are the moon. It’s night somewhere, and by night we are free.
We come together like the stars, Beneath the shelter of the gazebo.
Away from sight,
Away from everything.