Anthony’s voice retaliated against Reina’s.
In the distance I heard a familiar voice scream out, and it took a moment for me to acknowledge I was the one screaming. My screams echoed against the walls and I struggled to follow the muffled sound.
Let me repent, I pleaded to my maker.
I slammed the bat against the table over and over again, my voice becoming more pronounced through the fog. Reina’s voice faded away, Anthony’s did too, and I was left with my own cries, clear as the light of day, begging for mercy.
“Release me and let me repent,” I cried, as I dropped the bat and fell into the chair at the head of the table. I covered my face with my hands and rocked forward, gasping for air.
“Jack…” Blackie cautioned, startling me. I lifted my head from my hands and stared at him with remorse. “Brother, what’re you doing?” He threaded carefully, bending down to pick up the bat and place it on the table.
“Wishing for sunshine,” I answered simply.
I lifted my gaze to the table, leaned forward and ran my hands along the freshly splintered wood—a result of my own hand. I stared at the gash I put into the table I fought so hard to hold on to. Damaged it was just like the man that sat at the head of it. We were both ruined.
“I’ll get one of the guys to sand it down,” he offered.
Of course he would, it’s what he did, time after time. I had no doubt he’d have this mess cleaned up, making it like it never happened and I’d go back to living life on pause, waiting for the darkness to come. It’ll come. It always does.
I gripped the edge of the table, using it for leverage as I stood on my wobbly legs, holding on until I could control my balance. I turned toward Blackie and spotted Bianci standing in the doorway, concern and shock painting his features.
“Didn’t know I was crazy did you, Bianci?” I laughed bitterly, as exhaustion weighed heavily on me. I ran my fingers through my hair as I stumbled through the room. Anthony moved to grab my arm but I moved out of his reach.
“You wanted to know if Reina was involved in this shit,” I accused.
“For your own sake,” he quickly replied.
“She’s not,” I clipped. “I didn’t even have to coax it out of her, she handed me her truth. She found Danny and instead of getting the fuck out of there she lay down beside him on the floor and wrapped her arms around him, hanging on to him until the bitter end. I don’t know what she knows about Danny’s life with the bureau or if she even knew he was involved with the likes of Jimmy and the G-Man but she doesn’t know I’m his brother. She’s not playing me and she’s not fucking lying,” I said, gripping the door knob as I turned and looked over my shoulder at the two men that stared at me blankly. “I’m the only one fucking running lies and playing games,” I declared, grimly.
It was ironic that I was defending Reina’s honor and credibility to them when I was the one doing all the two-timing, letting her believe I was just some stranger that was attracted to her when all the while I had a fucking file tucked in my nightstand, containing all I needed to know about the woman that had gotten under my skin.
“What are you even doing with her if it’s not about Danny?” Blackie asked.
I lifted my eyes to my brother’s and gave him my own truth, the one he knew long before I did. I was losing control, slipping deeper and deeper into Reina.
“I don’t know anymore,” I admitted, turning to Anthony. “Now, you asked me to find out if she was connected and I’m giving you my word she’s not. This shit with Reina, it dies now, not going to have either of you filling my head with shit I don’t need,” I stated. “You got a meeting to set up,” I added, piercing Bianci with a stare before diverting my eyes back to Blackie. “And you’ve got a table that needs fixing before we go sell our souls to a bunch of drug dealers.”
I stepped outside the door, leaving the both of them standing in the wake of my destruction.
“Jack goes off the deep end it’s your ass I’m hunting for, Bianci,” I heard Blackie warn as I walked away.
Too late, brother.
Way too late.
I needed to rest both my body and my mind and then it would go back to normal. Or at least the only normal I knew—the one that kept me on pause. My maker would be back, dangling sunshine in my face, pulling me back into the darkness. It was a dance we mastered, one he led. A game of Russian roulette, sometimes I wish I had pulled the trigger.
I opened the door to my room at the compound and kicked off my boots before dropping onto the edge of the bed. I reached over and opened the drawer to my nightstand and pulled out the manila envelope I had containing Reina’s secrets, all her scars, the ones I hired someone to dig up and tell me.
You want more from me? You want my scars? You got to earn them.
I ripped the envelope in half and tossed it in the wastebasket beside the bed.
I gave you one of my scars.