It’s funny how something as superficial as clothes used to make me happy. Actually, it’s not funny at all and just sad. Sad that a girl who worked hard as a paralegal, needed her boyfriend to sign for a car loan since her own credit was shot. A consequence of blowing every paycheck on fancy shoes and designer suits, suits that were donated to goodwill after the fire.
I sometimes wonder what Danny saw in me. I get I was a pretty girl, sexy even, sitting at the bar sipping a cosmopolitan. I had seen him a couple of times, always sitting alone at the other end of the bar. He always chose the most well-polished women to take home with him. Then one night he chose me.
I know the look I was selling that particular evening, the sexy career girl look, and Danny bought right into it. I just never understood why he didn’t demand a refund after a while.
I stared back at the clothes, the two sides of the closet, neither of them appealed to me today. I decided I needed to make peace with who I was now and stop hiding from it. I could lay my past to rest and embrace the journey of this new version of myself. A journey that Jack put me on the path to.
Maybe I could like the new me. They say what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, maybe the girl I hid from was a stronger person than the girl I missed. Maybe she was only weak when it came to resisting the big bad biker. The Bulldog. It was uncanny, the connection I felt towards him, and the more I fought it the stronger the connection became. I was torn between letting myself go, and giving into the temptation that was Jack and running scared. One should be afraid of him of the feelings he evokes with just a glance or a crass word but not me. I wanted more. I was curious about him and even more curious to test my own limits.
I grabbed a pair of jeans from one side of the closet and a baggy sweatshirt from the other side. I quickly dressed, even put on some makeup but didn’t bother doing my hair. I piled my hair on top of my head in a messy bun and bent down to pull on my Ugg boots.
I peered at myself in the mirror; a mixture of both Reina’s reflected at me and I knew it was time to find a happy medium. I’d start by finding clothes that fit me. I would not be a label whore anymore, that was a shallow part of the old me I didn’t miss, didn’t even like. But I wasn’t going to wear men’s sweats anymore either.
I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the stash of money I kept in an old coffee can above the sink and shoved the cash into my purse. I slipped on my leather jacket and started the first day of my life by riding the subway and hitting the mall.
I forgot how fun shopping could be, or how good it felt to try on a pair of jeans that fit perfectly. In an hours span I had an extensive collection of jeans and two pairs of faux leather tights that I simply loved. I grabbed onto one of racks, stretching my leg as I tried to rub the numbness away. I always felt the tingling sensation up my leg, but some days were worse than others. I was learning to live with it, and not let it drag me down. I filtered through the racks of tops, looking for my size when I felt someone staring at me.
I lifted my head and saw dark eyes piercing me, staring right through me. Dark eyes that belonged to Jack. I knew I should’ve looked away but I couldn’t, the way he stared at me, so primal, so lethal, it was mesmerizing—I became a prisoner under his gaze.
He looked out of place, dressed all in black, from his jeans to the Henley that stretched over his muscular chest. His leather jacket was missing making him look a little less intimidating. It gave me the first glimpse of how magnificent his upper body was. He had broad shoulders and a trim waist. His shirt sculpted his pecs, giving me the slightest indication of what I had missed out on seeing last night. His biceps were huge, straining against the fabric of his fitted shirt.
The curtain of the dressing room behind him pushed aside and a woman emerged, running around Jack and throwing herself into his arms. He stumbled back surprised, and smiled. Jack’s smile was amazing. It was like nothing I had ever been on the receiving end of. The few times his lips quirked for me was to provoke me, I had never seen him genuinely smile. He wrapped his arms around her, shopping bags and all, returning the embrace.
She pressed a smacking kiss to his cheek and pulled back, taking some of the bags from his hands. His eyes found mine again and his smile faltered, making it clear I wasn’t deserving of that piece of him. I should have turned around and walked away, sparing myself the beauty that possessively laced her arm through Jack’s. She was stunning, petite, with wavy brown hair mixed with subtle blonde highlights. Her eyes were dark, almost black, and her eyelashes might have been the longest ones I’d ever seen. It was hard not to stare at her. She was beautiful.
Her eyes stared at me curiously before looking back to Jack’s. I quickly diverted my gaze back to the rack.
“Who is that Daddy?”
Daddy?
Oh my God. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, when I thought I’d seen enough of Jack’s shady life, I learned his girlfriend called him Daddy. Disgusting. Weird. Downright wrong.