Unbreak My Heart (Rough Riders Legacy #1)

“I definitely think they’d be shocked if I told them now.” He stared at a spot across the room. “But there’s always that part of me that isn’t sure if they’d believe me, so…”

“What about your mother? How much of this did she know?”

“No idea. Could be when she found out, she stopped it. Could be she knew from the start and ignored it. Could be she’d sacrificed me, knowing he had those…tendencies and then he wouldn’t go out into the community to pick a random kid and end up in jail.”

“Did she treat you differently after your dad stopped…?”

He shook his head. “When I looked back at some of this stuff and tried to, I don’t know, break it down, it becomes obvious. She was always about pleasing her husband. Everything she did was for him. I overheard her talking one time, about how she hadn’t wanted more kids after me, that’s why there’s a gap between me’n Chet. Makes me think she knew what he was doing to me. And after an accidental second pregnancy she got knocked up again a third time with Remy—to protect them both.”

“She should’ve been protecting you.”

“Well, she didn’t. I was already soiled goods so why not let him continue doing what he would be compelled to do anyway. And this is gonna sound sick as fuck, but she…she has the look, the body and the build of a prepubescent boy.”

My head was spinning with all of this.

“If your next question is whether I plan to talk to my father or confront him or whatever, the answer is no.”

“Why not?”

“He’s in a nursing home in poor health. I haven’t seen him or Mom in years. And with all that born-again stuff…”

“That’s ten kinds of fucked up, Dad.”

“Yep. It’s also why it’d be pointless to address now.” He closed his eyes. “I’ve seen the scenario a hundred times. I ask Dad why he did it, if he’s even sorry he did it, and he doesn’t answer. Instead Mom jumps in and reminds me that was a long time ago, he’s asked God for forgiveness. Dad’s accepted his past as a sinner and found redemption. He’s been on a righteous path for years, so my issue with the past is just that; my issue. And maybe I should get right with God so I can move on too.”

The odd thing was I saw that scene exactly as he’d depicted it, so I understood. Because in some ways…it was the same type of situation between him and me. Not the abuse, but the opposite; the complete detachment.

“Besides, as soon as you graduated I left Wyoming for Nebraska and I haven’t been back. Haven’t seen my brothers since you graduated from boot camp. Being away from there…it’s been good for me. I don’t see how going back would do anything but set me back. My counselor—”

“Wait. You’re seeing a counselor?”

He blushed. “Weird, huh? But yeah. I met this woman and I really liked her. It was embarrassing to admit I didn’t know how to be with her, because I hadn’t done any of the normal…ah, dating stuff since I started driving trucks. She told me to deal with my issues because I’d been living half a life.” He looked at me again. “That’s when all this came crashing down. I checked into an addiction clinic in Omaha. Official diagnosis was exhaustion. My addiction was to work.”

“When did that happen?” I demanded.

“Three years ago. It’s taken me a while to come to terms with all of this, son. And I…hope you understand why I couldn’t make the trip to see you when you were in Wyoming.”

“I get it.”

“There is another part to this. I’m gonna hit the can first.” He stood and lumbered away from the table.

I took my phone out to see if Sierra had tried to contact me. Two text messages sent an hour ago.

SM: At least I have a third row seat to witness the wedding of the year – eye roll. Mom is acting strangely calm, so I’m assuming she popped valium before she arrived in her limo.

SM: What is up with all the pastel-colored golf shirts? And plaid shorts? Do these dudes’ wives purposely dress them like that in some kind of ugliest outfit contest? Anyway, four geezers were checking out my ass and I wished you were here, going all growly, sexy caveman on them, letting them know who that ass really belongs to. My everything belongs to you. I miss you and I hope things are going well. Call me NO MATTER WHAT TIME YOU GET DONE. I need to hear your voice, Boone. Love you.

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and closed my eyes. I knew it defined selfish, but I wanted her here, waiting in the room for me. I’d need her. I don’t think she grasped how much I needed her.

I wondered how long it’d take Dad to get back into the swing of conversation after this break.

He launched in immediately after he returned to the table. “I already told you I was a shitty father. Not that it’s news to you. What probably is news though is that it was intentional.”