Trouble is a Friend of Mine

‘Why doesn’t she just come and see for herself?’ I said.

‘Sloane would never do anything that desperate.’

‘Right, because this is not at all desperate.’

‘You know, if you keep questioning the rules of their games, these girls aren’t ever going to invite you to play with them.’

‘I’ll try to get over my disappointment,’ I said. ‘These girls are out of control.’

‘You think the girls in private school are going to be any different?’

‘Stop trying to make me feel bad about Prentiss. Anyway, I might not even be able to go now anyway, thanks to you.’

‘You know, Princeton, one day, you’ll figure out that where you go to school doesn’t determine what you actually learn.’

‘No offense … I think you’re, like, life smart and everything, but I don’t think I should be taking academic advice from you,’ I said. ‘Being that you’re generally not pro-school.’

‘I’m a straight-A student,’ Digby said.

‘How? You never go.’

‘Look. A miserable senior year to maybe get in to Princeton? It’s not a fair trade. Your father’s only asking you to make that trade because he was miserable when he was your age. He thinks misery’s normal.’

‘Well, it paid off, because he went to Princeton and now he’s a success machine,’ I said. ‘“Success machine” … his words, not mine.’

‘You can become the kind of person who says stuff like “success machine” if that’s really your life goal,’ he said. ‘Even if you start in regular old public school. There’s more than one way to make that duck quack.’

‘Please-Call-Me-Steve better update his resume, because you’d make an outstanding guidance counselor,’ I said.

‘Me, a guidance counselor? Yuck … No. Can’t stand kids. Why d’you think I skip school so much?’

‘Uh, yeah … sarcasm.’

Henry ran up the bleachers to us.

‘You two are, like, two overheard anti-social comments away from having all ten warning signs for school violence.’ Henry pointed at my all-black clothes and Digby’s usual black suit. ‘You’re supposed to wear school colors. It’s kind of tradition.’

Oh, yeah. Everyone else was wearing purple and gold. ‘I don’t get it. It’s just practice.’

‘We are true to our school in this town,’ Henry said. ‘So why are you here? You like sports now?’

‘We’re going to score some stuff,’ Digby said.

Near the boys’ locker rooms, a steady stream of smoke escaped from a small window in the equipment shed.

‘Dude. Be careful. Someone got stabbed in there this summer,’ Henry said.

‘Yeah, I heard. Could get hectic. That’s why you’re coming with us,’ Digby said.

‘What difference can I make?’ Henry said.

‘Two people are whatever, but three’s basically a gang. Plus … football.’ Digby flexed his biceps.

‘Coach is on us about representing the school. We’re not even supposed to jaywalk in our uniforms. He’d cut me from the team if I got caught with drugs.’

‘Yeah … let’s clarify that.’ I got nervous. ‘This isn’t like with the breakin, where we’re going to accidentally on purpose get caught with heroin down my pants, is it? Because if it is, then I’m out.’

‘Nice, Petropolous. You see how negativity is contagious? No one’s getting caught. We’re getting rid of the drugs right away,’ Digby said. ‘And, Henry, I watched the backup QB take a marker and write a giant L on his left hand and an R on his right hand to keep them straight. You’re not getting cut from the team any time soon. But if the uniform bothers you, take off your jersey and wear my jacket instead.’

‘Dude. I don’t think I could even get my arm in that,’ Henry said.

‘Nah, you’ll fit.’ Digby took off his jacket. ‘It’s like the traveling pants. It fits everyone with a pure heart. Isn’t that how it works, Princeton?’

I rolled my eyes, but yeah, I’d read that book. No, the pants didn’t work that way. I mean, they fit Effie, and she was a brat.

‘You should’ve just worn your jersey inside out. You look ridiculous,’ I said.

He did. Even shirtless, he couldn’t button the jacket. The sleeves ended above his wrists and the jacket’s hem was above his shorts’ waistband.

‘I like it. I look like the Hulk,’ Henry said.

‘You look like a stripper. Not the expensive kind, either.’ I also thought, Who knew a sixteen-year-old boy who wasn’t a werewolf fighting sparkly vampires could have a six-pack of abs?

‘What would you know about strippers, Princeton?’ Digby said.

‘Tell me you’re seeing this,’ I said.

‘I like it. It’s seriously like the traveling pants,’ Digby said.

We got to the door of the equipment shed.

‘Okay, now what?’ Henry said.

‘First, Princeton will give me twenty bucks.’ I slapped a twenty into Digby’s hand even though I knew it was a Bad Idea. ‘Then we’ll go in and buy the stuff. While we’re there, I’ll just ask about the banana sticker.’

‘Just ask?’ I said.