Trouble is a Friend of Mine

‘Do you mean did we kiss? And make up?’ Digby said.

Henry and Digby hugged and made moany and kissy noises to each other to mock me.

‘Oh, Henry, it’s not wrong to feel.’

‘Aw, Digby, my pal, how I’ve missed you.’

‘Guys are weird,’ I said.

‘Girls are weird. Not everything’s got to be a big drama, you know,’ Digby said.

‘Yo. Big drama looking this way right now.’ Henry pointed with his chin.

Musgrave was in line with a salad and a bottle of water, glaring at us.

‘Check it out. He’s amping himself up,’ Digby said.

From across the cafeteria, I could see Musgrave’s face getting redder and puffier as he stared at us.

‘He’s dying to come over here.’ Digby waved at Musgrave. ‘Look at him fighting it. He’s so crabby. I bet it’s the diet. Just have a hot dog and chill, Musgrave.’

‘Cool it, dude. He’s one of my assistant coaches,’ Henry said.

‘Think he’ll give me a break, then?’ Digby said.

‘Doubt it. He and Coach gave me the whole “bad influence” talk the other day and I couldn’t really defend you, seeing as how I’d just asked for the name of a good criminal defense lawyer,’ Henry said.

Musgrave paid and approached our table, clearly about to start another cafeteria fight with us.

‘Here we go,’ Digby said.

‘Mr Petropoulos, I see you didn’t understand the thrust of our last conversation,’ Musgrave said.

‘Uh … no, sir, I got it,’ Henry said.

‘Henry!’ Sloane, back at her table, was tapping her foot, waiting for Henry to heel.

‘May I be excused?’ Henry said.

‘I think you’d better go,’ Musgrave said.

‘Hey, good thinking with the fire extinguisher.’ Henry thumped me on the back so hard, I burped. Having established me firmly in bro territory, Henry jogged off to Sloane.

‘Something about you ain’t right,’ Musgrave said to Digby. ‘I can spot a criminal in the making a mile away. I see you, kid. I see you. And you …’ He turned to me. ‘How’s that independent study coming?’

‘We’re working on it right now.’ I was getting better at lying. Maybe Mom was right: Digby was turning me into a juvenile delinquent.

‘Oh, yeah? Let me hear what you’ve done so far,’ Musgrave said.

I’d congratulated myself too soon. I had nothing.

‘Wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise.’ Digby’s extra-polite grin looked even ruder than if he just sat there flipping Musgrave off.

Worryingly, Musgrave smiled. ‘Those are nice bright teeth, Mr Digby. They show off that green gum in your mouth nicely. Of course, you know chewing gum’s a Level I violation of the school’s code of conduct. Three lunchtime detentions. Starting today. Follow me.’ Musgrave wiggled his finger at Digby.

‘That’ll have to wait.’ It was Officer Holloway. Officer Cooper was with her, hanging back a little. They were in street clothes with neck-badges on. ‘C’mon, kids. We need to talk.’

‘Oh, yeah? You have permission to be on school grounds?’ Musgrave said.

‘Who are you?’ Holloway said.

‘I’m the school resources officer.’ Musgrave must’ve heard himself, though, because he immediately relented. ‘Fine. Three detentions starting tomorrow.’ Musgrave lunged at Digby’s face. Impressively, Digby didn’t flinch.

Holloway didn’t like the way Musgrave was bullying Digby, though. ‘Detention? What for?’

‘Chewing gum on school grounds,’ Musgrave said.

‘Gum? Open your mouth, Philip,’ Holloway said.

Digby did. Of course the gum was gone, long since swallowed.

‘I don’t see any gum. And I don’t like how you physically interacted with this student.’ Holloway asked Digby, ‘Do we need to talk about harassment charges?’

Digby took his time. ‘Nah … Harlan’s just old-school. Right, Harlan? Good-bye, Harlan …’

To his credit, Musgrave knew when he was beaten. He slunk off.

‘Okay, that was cool. Like in Jurassic Park when the velociraptor’s about to get them but the T-Rex jumps in and chomps the velociraptor in half,’ Digby said.

‘Every time I see you, kid, you’re getting cornered. What’re you going to do when I take a day off?’ Holloway said.

‘Like that would ever happen,’ Cooper said. ‘How are you, Zoe?’

‘Fine,’ I said.

‘Good, good.’ Cooper smiled like we shared a private joke. If we did, I didn’t get it.

Holloway had us follow her. With Cooper taking up the rear, it looked like we were being perp-walked out of the cafeteria. Everyone watched and whispered. I felt new rumors forming.

We went into an empty classroom.

‘So, your friend Henry’s lawyer called the DA and the DA, in his infinite wisdom, decided this isn’t going to work,’ Holloway said. ‘The video evidence against Schell got excluded. The whole case folded.’

‘What does that mean?’ I said.

‘The vandalism violation’s been voided. Your record’s clean,’ Holloway said.

‘Should we worry about Schell coming after us?’ I said.