She was the woman in my dream. I knew the curve of her cheek, the feel of her hair, and the taste of her kiss. I had absolutely no doubt of it now. And I would do anything to make that sweet vision come true.
My emotions were out of control with Ana in a way they had never been with the other two girls. Loving them had felt easy. But with Ana, it was complicated. Difficult. Even as a young boy, I’d cried when she left me. It seemed she’d always been able to wrest emotional responses from me. As I watched her leave, I was acutely aware of the staccato tempo of my pulse.
She was all I could see. All I could think of. I didn’t know what to label my feelings. Love felt not quite right. Not quite enough. I needed Ana’s help to define us. What we were, what we could be, was too big, too significant a thing to attempt to identify it on my own.
When I joined her outside, I was astonished to see the thick snow and ice all around the temple had melted. It had happened before. I remembered it now, but at the time I’d thought it was due to the fire or the power of the goddess. Now I knew it had been caused by something else. Steam shot up from the ground and the land blossomed with new life. Like with the tree in Shangri-La, the change in the landscape was the direct result of our kiss.
As I was marveling at the effect of our passionate embrace, she said, “There is a darkness that eats away at me in my weaker moments. I will not have you see it, Sohan.”
Frowning and wishing she could trust me, I said, “There is nothing you can show me that I would find ugly, Ana.”
I stepped closer, wanting to be near her. She’d wrapped her arms around her middle as if protecting herself. The fire and the wrath and the passion were spent, and what was left was something woeful and desperate and fragile. Hesitantly, I cupped my hands around her arms, pulling her back into my chest and giving her plenty of room to escape should she choose to leave.
Ana leaned her head against me and I slowly ran my lips down the side of her creamy neck. My hands slid down her arms and encircled hers. A bright warmth, languid and peaceful, hummed along my skin. I tried to turn her toward me, wanting to show her a different side, not a man lost to appetite but one who could be considerate and doting. Her body stiffened and she raised her head. Immediately, I let go. I noticed the slump in her shoulders. Talk to me, I begged her. If she heard me, she didn’t respond.
The atmosphere of the area surrounding the temple became hushed, and I realized how cold it was in the air. It wouldn’t be long before the area was once again covered by snow and ice. My breath fogged and I saw the telltale cloud of her own puffing around her head as she exhaled. Still, she didn’t look at me. “Since I technically beat you, I think you should tell me where you got those swords.” I winced as I said it, knowing it was the wrong thing to say, but trying to lighten the mood.
“I lied,” she answered quietly. “Well, not really. They were given to me by a warlord when I defeated him in battle. They are part of my collection.”
“So, you zapped home while I was waiting for you?”
“I do not know zapped, but if you are asking if I left, the answer is no. I summoned them.”
“You can do that without disappearing?” I asked.
“I did the same thing when I produced a shard of the truth stone to put in the Grove of Dreams. My powers have grown,” she answered sadly, almost as if she despaired to think of it. “It’s like using my abilities without the gifts being nearby. Even when you separate yourself from me by centuries and a distance that would take months to cross on horseback, I can still access and use the Damon Amulet.”
Not knowing what to say about that, I asked a different question. “Why did you call me Kishan before? Of all the insulting things you said to me, I think that one was the worst. And while I’m on the subject, why were you shamelessly throwing yourself at the old me?”
She turned to look at me, a wry smile tickling the edges of her mouth, and sighed. “I only call you Kishan when you anger me. As for your other self, the old you sees only me. True, he is likely infatuated with the goddess, but he doesn’t know the vile things that lie in my past. He simply sees a woman he’s attracted to. You, on the other hand, know everything. It is…easier to say the things I wish to say to him.”
I twisted my mouth. “So…you’re saying you wanted to flirt with me?”
“What does flirt mean?”
“It means to seduce with words. To tease in a romantic way.”
“It is not a natural thing for me to speak with men in such a way. You are the exception. The old you, I mean.”
Grinning lopsidedly, I said, “I wouldn’t mind if you practiced your flirting on this version of me.” I held out my hand and she placed hers in it. Drawing her closer, I said, “I was jealous of him, you know.”
Cocking her head, she scoffed. “Jealous of yourself?”
“I didn’t like you showering him with attention.”
Cupping her chin, I was about to lower my head for a kiss when she touched her hands to my mouth to stop me. In that moment, she looked small, which was quite a feat for the statuesque goddess. “I am afraid, Sohan,” she murmured.
“Afraid of me?” I asked.
“Yes…no, not exactly. I know you do not mean to hurt me.”
“I won’t hurt you, Ana.” As I said it, I took in her swollen lips, bruised from my kisses, and the puffiness on one of her cheeks from our fight. Disgusted with myself, I moved away. “At least it wasn’t my intention.” Who am I kidding? I had already hurt her. Yesubai was dead because of me, and I’d abandoned Kelsey when she asked me to help her in Kishkindha. She could have died, many times over. “Maybe it’s for the best that we keep our relationship simple,” I said.
Her hand on my arm stopped me. “Our relationship will never be simple, Sohan. Nor do I want it to be. It is just that I…I need to come to terms with my past, and I do not wish to step wrongly where you are concerned. There is much to lose should we run headlong into battle.”
“And by battle I’m assuming you mean a romance?” I glanced at her over my shoulder.
She nodded.
“But it is something you want to pursue?”
“I do,” she answered quietly, stepping around me.
I took hold of a strand of her hair and twisted it between my fingers. “Okay,” I said. “Then what do you foresee that might cause us to lose this battle?”
“First, there is me. As you know I am more prone to cuff a man than kiss him. I was not always this way, but it is ingrained in me now. I fear it is a practice that will be difficult for me to overcome.”
I smiled and rubbed my jaw. “Yes, I’d say I’m intimately aware of that tendency. Fortunately, I heal quickly. I think we can work through that problem, providing you are at least somewhat interested in kissing.”
Her gaze lifted to my mouth. “Kissing you is something I’ve pondered often, Sohan. So often, in fact, it takes over my mind at the most inopportune moments.” My pulse leapt at her words. “Like flirting,” she went on, “it is a skill I want to hone. Perhaps, once I am well versed in it, kissing will no longer occupy my thoughts to such a degree.”
For a moment, I forgot to breathe. “Good,” I stammered and swallowed. My neck felt tight and the cold air around the temple suddenly became warm. “Is there anything else on your list of concerns?”
“There is also the fact that tigers do not mate for life,” she said plainly.
“But goddesses do?” I asked.
She nodded, biting her lip.
Much as my younger self did, I took her hand, lifting her fingers to my lips, and kissed them lightly. “Ana, as much as you like to remind me of my animal nature and as much as I relish that aspect of myself, I am also a man. I am not a slave to instinct. That I have resisted your charms as long as I have should be a sign of my fidelity. I was not unfaithful to Kelsey. Nor was I untrue to Yesubai. If we forge ahead in this new…alliance, I will remain steadfast. You would already know this about me if you shared my thoughts openly.”