Outside, the wind howled through the hibernating trees, warning of a coming storm. If I was lucky, it meant Nolan’s flight would be canceled, and he’d be stranded in Northbridge for a few more days.
By slow degrees, my exhaustion from everything that had happened today became too powerful for me to hold back, and I drifted off to sleep.
—
When I woke up, the early morning rays of sunlight poked through the gaps in the curtains. Last night’s storm had long since moved on. That was the first thing I noticed. The second was that Nolan’s arms were no longer wrapped around me and my head was no longer on his chest.
Even before I reached out to his side of the bed and touched the empty sheets, an ache filled every space in my body. My fingers searched for a sign that he had recently been here, but the warmth from his body had long since faded. I didn’t have to leave my room to know that he was on his flight back to L.A.
Blinking away the tears, I hugged his pillow and inhaled his scent still clinging to it. But this failed to dull the ache. If anything, it only intensified it. As did the knowledge that eventually the scent would disappear, like the warmth on his side. And then I’d be left with nothing to remember him.
Clearly a glutton for punishment, I relived the memory of last night, of the last time I would make love with him.
And I relived the memory of his lips against my forget-me-not tattoo. When I’d gotten it, I’d half hoped the old belief was true and that my lover would never forget me. But back then, Nolan hadn’t been my lover. Whether the belief was true or not hadn’t mattered. Now it mattered more than I cared to admit. I never wanted Nolan to forget what I meant to him, but that was nothing more than a foolish wish. The wish of someone who deep down wanted to believe in happily-ever-afters.
As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t stay in bed all day and dwell on those last moments. I had to go to work. I had to move on.
If I was lucky, no one at the sports center paid attention to the fan sites. But based on the reaction I’d seen when Nolan showed up there, I doubted I would get that lucky.
Still a little sore from yesterday’s attack, and maybe a little apprehensive of being stalked while running again, I decided to skip my run this morning. I grabbed my work clothes and hopped in the shower.
After I finished getting ready, I entered the tiny kitchen to make a quick breakfast. At the sight of the folded piece of paper on the table, my heart tripped over itself to read it.
Forget-Me-Not,
You looked so peaceful when I left this morning, I couldn’t bear waking you up to say goodbye. While I regret everything in the past twenty-four hours that has done nothing but hurt you, I don’t regret a single second I’ve spent with you.
I’ll never stop loving you.
Stay safe.
Nolan
My breath sucked at his second-to-last line, my vision growing blurry. I’d never told him I loved him, and he’d never said it to me either. Yes, he’d told me I was his heart and soul, but neither of us had actually laid out what that meant.
Not that it mattered anymore. It was time for me to move on. For us both to move on.
But even after acknowledging that, I couldn’t find it in me to throw away the letter. Instead, I refolded it and hid it in my underwear drawer. If I ever had the courage to open my heart to another guy, I’d make sure he never saw the letter. But for now, it and the memories from the past few weeks Nolan and I had spent together were all I had left of him.
And I already knew it wouldn’t be enough.
Chapter 37
Hailey
I hurried along the recently cleared path to the sports center. The brisk wind nipped my exposed skin and found its way through my winter coat and jeans.
“Hey, you’re early,” Chris called out behind me. I turned to him, giving him a beat to catch up with me.
“I figured now that I’m healed, I should register for the self-defense class for this weekend, if there’s still room. Though I think by now I’ve had my lifetime quota for attacks.”
He winced at the truth of it, even though he didn’t know about the latest one. The police hadn’t yet identified the body and hadn’t yet disclosed to the media the connection between the attack in Westgate and the man’s death. They wanted to rule out first if he had been working with an accomplice the night he attacked me in Westgate—a detail I’d neglected to tell Nolan, since he already had enough to worry about with recording the band’s upcoming album. As it was, I still had no idea why I had been in Westgate and why the guy had tried to kill me.
“I don’t think that makes a difference, Hailey,” Chris told me.
I shrugged. “A girl can always hope.”
“Well, ya know, when in doubt, go for the nuts. That will buy you time.” He flashed me a pained look to prove his point and opened the door for me.
Blondes #1 and #2 must have sensed his presence. We’d barely stepped into the building before they converged on us.
Expecting them to do their usual flirting with Chris, I walked toward the registration desk to check on the class.