I look at Ava. She looks at me. ‘The medication she’s on screwed with her pill.’
Sam is silent for a few uncomfortable seconds, looking between us. And then he falls apart, hands on his knees and everything. ‘Fuck, Jesse. Say hello to karma.’
My situation makes me the laughing stock of the whole group, including my wife, who reaches for my face and gives it a sarcastic pat. ‘Poor baby.’
‘Be quiet. I’ve got my head around it now.’
‘Head around what?’ Kate asks, handing Betty to a laughing Sam.
He just can’t contain himself, jerking his girl in his arms as he wipes at his eyes. ‘Raya’s pregnant,’ he tells her.
‘Oh God, you guys!’ Kate gushes.
‘And so is Ava.’
‘What the fuck?’ She swings around, blue eyes wide, her red hair whipping her face.
‘See.’ Ava chucks a heavy hand in the air. ‘This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell anyone today. Now I feel like I’ve stolen two lots of thunder.’
Raya muscles me out of the way and puts a comforting arm around Ava’s waist. ‘Are you kidding me? I can’t wait to be expecting with you. You’re a pro. I’m gonna need all the help I can get.’
I could kiss the woman. She couldn’t have said a nicer thing at a better time. ‘We’ll be the baby club!’ Kate sings, delighted.
‘We haven’t told the twins yet.’ That worry I don’t like passes over Ava’s face. Everyone looks across to the drinks table, where Jacob is cracking the caps off bottles of beer for the men, and Georgia and Maddie are still happily pouring punch. ‘Does Georgia know?’ I ask.
‘Yes.’ Raya beams. ‘She’s more excited than Drew.’
‘Here’s to babies,’ Sam whisper-hisses, raising his glass as he bends towards us.
‘To babies,’ we all chant quietly, leaning into our little circle and laughing.
*
Good food, good company, amazing venue, superb occasion. It’s been a fucking brilliant day, everyone together, and after Drew and Raya have had their first dance to Eric Clapton’s ‘Wonderful Tonight’, the other guests are invited onto the floor to join them. I look across the table to Ava, her attention split between the happy couple and Betty sleeping in Kate’s arms. It’s how she’s been all day, distracted. She’s imagining our family with one more person. I am, too.
The song fades, and another begins. My heart skips too many beats as Ava darts her eyes across to me, and I wonder if this is a purposeful move on Drew’s part. I shoot him a look on the dance floor, his expression telling me everything. My eyes thank him as I slowly return my gaze to my wife, my heart booming nervously.
I smile when I find her still watching me, and I nod mildly, telling her that the recognition happening in her head is right.
I rise to my feet and walk slowly around the table, holding out my hand to Ava as ‘Chasing Cars’ plays. ‘If you have no better offers.’ I raise a cocky eyebrow, blinded by her shy smile as she gets to her feet.
‘Never will.’
I walk her onto the floor, nodding at Drew to tell him today is a job well done as I pull Ava into my chest, one arm around her shoulders, my spare hand resting on her waist. ‘Hey, Mummy,’ I whisper down at her, starting to slowly sway us.
‘Hey, Daddy.’
I feel an overwhelming sense of contentment flourish inside me. It tells me that this is right. I won’t ever argue with the Fates, and the Fates want to give us another baby. ‘I love you, woman,’ I say, pulling her closer, her head settling in my chest. I rest mine on hers, continuing to move slowly on the spot, taking an age to turn a full circle.
‘So you’ll be there on Tuesday? For the scan?’
‘Just try to stop me.’ I smile into her hair. ‘And when do you want to tell the kids?’
‘I don’t want them to think I’m replacing them. Or replacing the memories of their baby days with new ones.’
‘Don’t be daft. They’d never think that.’
I feel her chest press against mine, her inhale long and deep, as I catch the twins across the way watching us. Both of them are smiling, Jacob with his arm around his sister. Me and Ava, we make them happy. Just being together. I flick my head at them, ordering them over. I expect a protest, but neither does. In fact, they’re quite speedy across the floor.
‘We have company,’ I say to Ava, gently nudging her from my chest. She looks around and finds them, smiling and opening one arm as she keeps her hold of me with the other, inviting them in. Maddie and Jacob join us, and our little huddle continues to turn on the spot, mine and Ava’s heads above the twins, her eyes on mine. Love. It’s blasting through me unstoppably, lighting my veins, warming my soul. This is just about fucking perfect. And then Ava reaches across and presses a kiss to my mouth, a soft kiss, a lingering kiss. And I’m proven wrong. Now, this is perfect. And it’s the perfect time to share our news.
‘Maddie, Jacob,’ I say, pulling both their little faces up from their hiding places. ‘Your mum and I have something to tell you.’
Ava’s eyes widen a fraction, but I make sure she sees the reassurance in mine.
‘What?’ the kids ask in unison, heads swinging back and forth to me and Ava.
‘What is it?’ Jacob’s face falls. ‘Is Mum okay? Are you okay, Mum?’
‘I’m fine, darling.’ She kisses his head, and he settles immediately. ‘Trust me, I’m so fine.’
‘Then what’s up?’
I breathe in and release our announcement on a stream of air. ‘There’s going to be another someone for me to go crazy over.’
Frowns. Two very deep frowns. And Ava laughs, though she doesn’t correct me.
‘What your dad means is’ – she takes over, clearly thinking she can break the news better than I can – ‘I’m having a baby.’
She holds her breath, waiting for their reactions. Please, guys, don’t go off the deep end.
‘A baby?’ Jacob asks, flipping a frown to me. ‘Like a little brother or sister?’
I don’t mention the fact that I’m praying, proper praying, that it’s a boy, because any more women in my life will be the death of me. ‘That’s right.’
They’re quiet, obviously mulling over the bombshell. And then ‘Chasing Cars’ fades to nothing and it’s silent, except for the light chatter around us. Good Lord, they need to say something quick before Ava has a meltdown.
‘A baby,’ Maddie hums.
‘A baby.’ Jacob tilts his head, ever the one to really ponder things.
Then they look at each other and grin. And they laugh. They laugh so fucking hard. Ava and I toss bewildered looks at each other, silently asking one another if we have any clue what’s so funny. We don’t. So I ask, ‘What’s tickled you two?’
‘Oh my God, Dad, you’re so old!’ Maddie chuckles. I’ve never sworn at my kids. Not ever, and it’s taking everything in me, and then some, not to break that rule now. Ava doesn’t help when she snorts unattractively, holding her hand over her nose. But Jacob, God bless my boy, comes straight to me and shakes my hand. ‘Congratulations, Dad.’
I have to swallow before I speak. ‘Cheers, mate.’ I could cuddle him as he throws his arms around his mum and hugs her with force.
‘I love you, Mum.’
Fuck me. I blink to keep the tears at bay, but Ava doesn’t manage to. She’s full-on crying as she pulls Maddie in, too, her face going straight between their heads. ‘I love you both. So much.’
I’m a big fat mess of a man. Totally fucked, and I don’t care who sees as I haul my family into me. My life is held in my hands in this moment.
My wife, my babies.
And a new life.
Chapter 50
As I drive Ava to her appointment on Tuesday, my mind is reeling with constant questions. Should we tell Dr Peters about the pregnancy? Are the risks higher given her condition? She’s forgetting things all the while. Small things, but still things. Will she need another CAT scan and will it risk the baby’s health if she does? And her age, not that I would ever mention that to Ava. She’s not in her twenties any more.