‘Quick!’ Ava starts scrambling off the bed as I rearrange my shorts, sitting on the edge to conceal my mammoth erection behind the thin material. I’m sweating, and not with worry. I feel like an unexploded bomb. Motherfucker!
My baby girl lands in the bedroom, full of excitement. ‘Betty’s here, too!’ Her face drops when she finds me on the edge of the bed. ‘What are you so grumpy about?’
‘Nothing,’ I all but bark. Ava chuckles and puts herself in front of me, indicating her zip again.
‘We’ll be down in a tick.’ She looks over her shoulder and raises her perfect brows. ‘Once your dad has zipped me up.’
I pout, taking the fastener and slowly pulling it up. ‘I’m not happy,’ I declare, making sure my displeasure is voiced, no matter how plain it is on my face. ‘You’ll pay for this later.’
‘Yeah, yeah.’ She breezes out of the room, leaving me to talk my dick down and get my T-shirt back on. Torture. Fucking torture.
I make my way downstairs once I’m decent, wandering into the kitchen to find the whole gang here. Sam has Betty suspended from his arm in her car seat, and Maddie is cooing over her. Drew is helping himself to a beer, and the girls are in a gaggle by the island, praising each other’s dresses.
‘What’s crawled up your arse?’ Drew asks, handing me a beer as I dump myself down on a stool.
I don’t need to tell them. Sam laughs, followed by Drew. Everyone in my life knows how bad I struggle. I tip the bottle to my lips and almost spit out my beer when Kate swooshes around to face me. ‘Fucking hell, Kate!’ I choke, wiping at my mouth. Her strapless dress is a decent length, to the knee, but her boobs are a bench under her chin. I blink rapidly and look away, finding Sam. He’s okay with that? I cock my head in question, but he just smiles, studying Kate’s epic rack.
‘If we can keep them, that would be fine by me.’ He places Betty’s car seat on the island, joining me on the next stool.
‘Too much?’ Kate asks, pulling her red tresses over her front so they splay on her chest.
Raya laughs, pouring wine into three glasses. Now, Raya, she looks perfectly presentable, her long-sleeved dress scooping her neck at an acceptable level, the black material a stark contrast to her light blonde hair. My approval is short-lived. She turns away, revealing the back. Or lack of it. Her entire back is exposed, all the way down to her arse. I sigh, wondering if it’s that unreasonable side everyone’s always telling me I have, or if it’s simply age.
‘Easy on the wine,’ I grunt, waving my bottle at Raya as she dishes out the glasses.
She smiles as she takes her first sip. ‘You’re not going to invade my hen night, are you?’
I scowl, casting my eyes to my supposed mates. Neither of them look at me. ‘No.’ I would, if I had someone to watch the kids while I invade.
‘Good.’ Kate chinks the girls’ glasses. ‘I’ve done six weeks’ breastfeeding. My nipples can’t take any more. I’m going to get so pissed.’ She looks at Sam, who rolls his eyes, though doesn’t refute her intention. ‘If I’m still standing by the time I get home, I want you to slap me to the ground.’ She takes a glug of wine. ‘Because I’ll feel like an underachiever if I’m not flat on my face.’
I’m coughing again, looking to my mate to sort her out. But, again, all I get is a roll of his eyes. This is ridiculous. Wine, the dresses, the talk of getting plastered. I rack my brain for someone, anyone, who I could call on to pop over and watch the kids. I come up blank. Maybe I could take them with me. A little adventure around London.
Drew nudges me in the side, his lips straight. ‘They’ll be fine.’
Easy for him to say. Am I the only one who’s worried? ‘Someone needs to stop this circus.’
‘I value my life too much.’ Drew slaps my shoulder with a firm thwack, making my teeth chink on the top of my bottle. ‘Come on, then, girls.’ Clapping his hands, he starts rounding them up, herding them to the front door.
‘She’ll be fine, Dad.’ Jacob appears by my side, offering up his jar of the good stuff.
I strain a smile at the cute little fucker and plunge my finger into the pot. ‘I know, mate,’ I say, if only to reassure him. She’ll be fine. How many times have I told myself that over the years? And look what happened.
‘I wish I could go.’ Maddie’s statement has the lick of my finger faltering, my alarmed eyes looking down at my girl. Christ, that’s a whole other form of stress. The thought alone sends me cold. Or colder than I already am. Now I really wouldn’t think twice about locking my baby girl in a cupboard. ‘Not until you’re fifty,’ I tell her, following Sam out of the kitchen, softening when I catch sight of Betty sleeping peacefully in her car seat. It seems like only yesterday that my two were that big. Where has the time gone?
The kids race upstairs to their rooms, while I head to the door. I catch Ava before she steps out of the house, pulling her back. The look on her glowing face is a sure sign that she’s ready for me. She looks bored. Crowding her, I kiss her cheek. ‘Don’t talk to strangers.’
‘I won’t.’
‘Put your belt on in the car.’
‘I will.’ She reaches up on her tippy-toes and kisses my cheek.
‘Drink safely.’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘Sit down if you feel woozy.’
‘Okay.’
‘Call me if you need me.’
Pulling back, she smiles, stroking my cheek affectionately. ‘I’ll be fine.’
Why does everyone keep saying that? ‘Answer me when I text you.’ I’m annoying her now, though she continues to humour me.
‘I will.’
‘Good girl.’ I smother her with my lips, my arms refusing to let her go. ‘Have a good time.’ I sigh and force myself to release her. The anxiety inside me, it’s never gone, but now it seems to be worse than ever. ‘I love you.’
‘I know.’ She dances off to Drew’s car.
‘I’m dropping them off and picking them up,’ Drew says. He knows I need to hear that. ‘Will call you when we’re on our way home.’
I nod and quickly shut the door before I give in to temptation and race after her to drag her back to the house. The ache inside me may be unreasonable and my mood overboard, but after we’ve been through what we’ve been through, I don’t think it’ll ever leave me. It’s a curse. A weight around my neck.
But I mustn’t let it pull me under.
Chapter 47
I have not one hope of sleeping until she’s home. So I sit on the couch flicking the channels, restless and constantly checking my Rolex. The call I’ve been waiting for finally comes at one in the morning. I scramble to answer it and listen to Drew tell me they’re all drunk but safe and that he’s on the way to drop off Ava.
A huge weight lifts from my shoulders, and for the first time this evening, I relax. And then I do something utterly stupid. I race upstairs, strip, and hop into bed, turning off the lamp. Because of course she’ll believe that I’ve been sleeping peacefully while she’s been out tearing up the town.
It’s almost half an hour later when I hear the front door close. And a few moments after that, the sound of her shoes hits the tile floor. Then . . . silence. I fight the urge to go down and find her. She’s home. She’s safe. Nothing can happen to her now.
Then I hear a bang and I’m like a bullet out of our bed, pulling my shorts on as I fly down the stairs. I crash into the kitchen and find it empty.
‘Ava?’ I call, backing up, listening. Nothing. My heart rate shifts a few gears. ‘Ava?’ My attempt not to sound frantic isn’t working. ‘Ava, where the hell are you?’ I hurry down the hall, peeking in every room, finding them all empty.
Until I arrive at the family room. I breathe out when I see her standing at the foot of our wall. ‘Baby?’
She doesn’t turn, just raises a finger to a picture, a picture of us on our wedding day, and traces the edge of my face. ‘I remembered something earlier.’ She’s slurring. She’s definitely slurring. Drunk? Plastered, maybe. But she had a flashback? Turning her eyes onto me, heavy eyes, drunk eyes, she points at my bare chest. ‘You stole my birth control pills.’
‘Ah.’