‘Actually, you were handcuffed to the bed and I didn’t release you until you accepted.’
She’s now on the verge of falling to her arse in amusement. I know it’s a lot to take on board. But at least she’s laughing and not raging any more. ‘I can’t believe what I’m hearing.’
‘Believe it, baby. But if it makes you feel better, I did propose again. On my knee. In front of your parents.’
Satisfaction flourishes before my very eyes. She looks dreamy, one hand moving to her chest. This pleases her. I know how much her parents’ opinion means to her. I try to behave around them. I try really hard. I don’t always succeed, but still. It’s the thought that counts.
‘It was my birthday. You couldn’t say no.’
A smile pulls at the side of her mouth. ‘And how old were you?’
‘Twenty-five.’
Softly chuckling, she glances away, clearly coming to terms with all of this. Her life. My life. Our life. ‘Wait.’ She looks back to me. ‘Why did you propose twice?’
All the contentment flowing through my veins turns to acid, my lips forming a straight, annoyed line. I’m not annoyed with her, more with myself. ‘We’d had a disagreement.’
‘Really? I can’t imagine what there could have been for us to disagree about.’
There it is. That sarcasm. ‘Sarcasm—’
‘Doesn’t suit me. I know. Why did you propose twice?’
‘Can we get back to the fucks?’
Her head tilts in impatience. ‘Tell me.’
I can’t go over this again, and I’m not afraid to tell her so. ‘It doesn’t matter. Just know I punished myself and you punished me, too.’
Comprehension dawns fast, and she flinches, as if she could be being hit with the motherfucking whip in her mind. ‘So you cheated on me when we were engaged?’
‘God, no!’ I blurt, disgusted by the suggestion. Give me strength. I won’t insult her and tell her we barely knew each other, nor will I argue my case in any way. It’s done. I can’t change it. I hate myself every day for it, but it’s done. ‘You found out when we were engaged. That’s why I proposed to you again. Properly. I was trying to show you that I could be the man you needed, as well as the man you wanted.’
‘Oh,’ is her only acknowledgment.
Good. Let’s move on. On to the most utilised fuck in our lives. ‘The Danger Fuck is our favourite these days.’
‘What’s that?’
‘When the kids are within a mile radius.’ Her smile’s back. And so is mine. ‘Can we go for dinner now?’
‘Depends.’ Her nose lifts, and she waits for me to ask for confirmation of what exactly our date depends on.
I don’t need to ask. On a dramatic roll of my eyes, I pick her up, mindful of that limp, and carry her down the stairs. ‘You can wear the stupid fucking dress.’
She grins, victorious, and loops her hands over my neck. ‘Wasn’t so hard, was it?’
‘We’ve not left the house yet. And you should have worn flats instead of heels. I saw you limping.’
‘I wasn’t limping.’
‘Are you arguing with me?’
‘Yes.’
I wrinkle my nose and nuzzle hers. ‘Are you wearing lace under that red thing?’
‘I didn’t have much choice. There’s nothing but lace in my knicker drawer.’
‘Good.’ I carry her out and put her in my Aston, pulling the belt across her body. She doesn’t protest, just lets me do my thing and buckle her up. ‘We’re late,’ I muse, checking my Rolex as I shut the door and round the car. Falling into the driver’s seat, I start her up and rev a few times.
‘That’s your fault for having so many fucks to explain.’ She goes to the mirror and applies a little gloss to her lips. ‘Which was your favourite, by the way?’
I laugh, loud and sharp as I put the stereo on and Glass Animals’ ‘Youth’ fills the car. ‘All except the Truth.’ I turn up the volume and zoom off, reminding myself to find those handcuffs and hide them.
Chapter 27
As expected, the gang is waiting for us when we arrive, all sitting around a table in the corner, two spaces left for me and Ava.
As soon as Kate spots us, she scrambles up from her chair and takes Ava in a hug, getting as close as her baby bump will allow. ‘So good to see you.’
‘We’re still young in my head.’ Ava sighs, and Kate starts giggling.
‘How’s yoga going?’
‘Great. I met a girl, Zara – she’s so lovely – and she mentioned that the firm she works for is always looking for new interior designers. I might look into it.’
I scowl. Over my dead body.
‘That’s fab,’ Kate says, flicking me a cautious look as my wife pulls away and tugs that ridiculous dress down her thighs.
I scowl again, this time at the racy red number, wondering what I was thinking letting her wear it, and pull out Ava’s chair. ‘Sit,’ I order, earning a collection of incredulous looks from all angles of the table. ‘Please,’ I add through my ticking jaw.
Ava lowers to the seat, the tension obviously thick, not because of my beef with the dress, and not because she’s talking about a job she’s not going to be applying for. It’s the first time the guys have seen Ava since the accident. Sam, Drew and Raya all look a bit nervous, none of them obviously knowing what to say to her.
Ava must sense it, because she flicks me a nervous look and then sighs, returning her attention back to our quiet friends. ‘Nice to meet you,’ she chirps.
The guys laugh, and the tension lessens as a result of her joke. ‘Drinks?’ I flick my arm in the air, summoning a waiter.
Everyone throws their orders at me for alcohol, excluding Kate, but including my wife. I don’t think so. ‘Water, please,’ I tell the waiter as I indicate to Kate and my wife. ‘For me, too. And wine for Raya.’ I nod across to her.
‘Make it a bottle,’ Drew pipes in quietly.
Ava’s hand meets my forearm as she leans across, speaking quietly. ‘I’d like wine.’ She thinks I didn’t hear her. I heard her perfectly. Louder than everyone else who virtually shouted their order to me.
Smiling tightly at the waiter, who’s paused scribbling on his pad, looking at me, I turn to my wife. ‘You’re not having it.’ My tone is a warning, and she would do well to take notice. As I slowly swivel back towards the waiter, I catch the faces of our friends. All of them are silent. Watching. Nervous. ‘Water,’ I reiterate, taking my napkin and laying it across my lap. Silence. Eyes dodging me and Ava. Awkward vibes. I start chewing my lip, peeking out of the corner of my eye. The look of pure disgust on my wife’s face actually makes me wince. Shit, she looks livid.
‘You’d better order me some wine, Ward.’ She comes close, eyes full of fire, making me slowly lean back. I hear Sam cough through a laugh, and Drew snorts. Wankers. They should be backing me up. She just came out the other side of a horrific car incident. She’s not at full health. Drinking alcohol would be daft, and it would be highly irresponsible for me to let her. ‘Now,’ she adds on a growl that rivals mine.
‘It’s not safe,’ I argue quietly. ‘The last thing you need is alcohol fuzzing your already pickled mind.’
‘Pickled?’ She coughs over my lame choice of word. ‘My mind isn’t pickled, Jesse. Order me some wine, or so help me God . . .’
‘So help you God what?’
‘I . . . I don’t know.’ She stutters over a few more words before clearly finding the one she’s looking for. ‘Divorce,’ she spits scathingly. The whole table gasps, me the loudest, and Ava shoots our friends a surprised look. ‘What?’
Kate shakes her head mildly, warningly, and Sam blows out his cheeks. ‘Red flag. Bull on the loose. That’s all I’m saying.’ He disappears into his glass, while I fight to maintain my temper before it sends me off around the restaurant in a whirlwind. Divorce? That damn fucking word is banned from our lives.
‘Well.’ Ava shrugs, nonchalant, though I can sense her buried wariness. ‘I only want a glass of wine.’
I can feel the pressure in my head building, my body rolling where I sit.
‘Oh, here we go,’ Drew says quietly, taking his glass, as if it could protect him from the imminent explosion.