“I went about this the wrong way.” His eyes were sincere. “I do want this with you, Heidi, but I’m not going to push you if you’re not ready. If you want to wait until the divorce is finalized, then I can wait. I’ll wait for you.”
My heart stuttered at his words. He really meant it, too. He might have pushed me today, but his eyes said he’d wait. Landon and I had turned that corner back in January, when we had been reckless enough to sneak off together. When we had almost crossed that line. Even when he’d told me we couldn’t talk anymore, I’d known it was because he cared too much. Not because he didn’t care at all.
Yet, no matter how close we had become in the last year, it was hard not to think that I might be some rebound from his wife. Still, I wanted to believe the look he was giving me that said that wasn’t the case.
“You’ll wait for me?”
“As long as you need. But just don’t…settle for that guy in the meantime.”
I colored at the accusation. As if I could choose Nick over him.
He nodded when he saw my expression. “I’ll rally the troops and head out. I really don’t want to hurt you, Heidi.”
He leaned forward and brushed his lips against my cheek. I couldn’t help myself. I sighed into that touch. With that one touch, my skin hummed, and my body came alive. He might be walking away and doing what I’d asked of him, but my traitorous body told him all he needed to know.
“Landon,” I whispered as he turned to go.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
He grinned and reached for my hand. He gently squeezed it.
“Hey, guys!” Austin said, turning the corner and finding us standing together, holding hands. “You might want to break up the lovefest because homeboy is going to get suspicious.”
I jumped away from Landon, as if Nick himself had just turned the corner. Landon seemed unfazed. He probably didn’t care if Nick saw us.
“It’s fine,” Landon told Austin. “We’re heading out.”
“We are?” Austin asked.
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
“But what about Heidi?”
Landon glanced back at me, his eyes sweeping my body one more time, lingering on every inch that he had touched. “She collected her winnings. Maybe I’ll come out on top another night.”
I watched Landon walk away with Austin, who seemed incredibly confused. I didn’t blame him.
How had Landon and I gone from arguing to him pushing me up against a wall to him walking away?
And, worse, how was it that I couldn’t even be mad at him?
He was being a gentleman. He was doing exactly what I’d told him to do. Yet…all I really wanted was for him to come back. To break all my rules.
And I realized then that it was me I was most mad at.
Fifteen
Heidi
When I made it back into the office on Monday morning, my steps were hesitant and my heart heavy. Emery had thankfully been too preoccupied with the start of work this morning for her to notice that I had been walking on a precipice all weekend.
I’d ended it with Nick as soon as he dropped me off. He’d seemed downtrodden but understanding. He’d even thanked me for the good time that night. I kind of wondered if he liked Austin and Patrick more than me, which would be totally fair, considering how crazy they were.
Now that I wasn’t dating anyone anymore, I’d had all weekend to think about what Landon had said…and done. The electricity that had sparked between us obliterated my senses. So much had changed in a year yet still not enough.
I sighed and took the elevator upstairs. The tension was coiled in my stomach like a viper waiting to strike. I didn’t know how Landon would react when he saw me. I didn’t know how I would react.
With the uncertainty eating away at me, I decided to get it over with. I walked right up to his office and knocked twice.
“It’s open,” Landon called.
I pushed the door all the way open and stared at a frazzled Landon. He was bent over his desk with piles and piles of paperwork scattered before him. He hadn’t even looked up.
“Hey,” I said.
His eyes shot up at the sound of my voice. “Heidi,” he said my name like a prayer.
“Early morning?”
“Christ, what time is it?”
“Nine,” I offered.
He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, early morning. I didn’t even know people were here yet.”
“When did you get in?”
“Oh, I was here around six thirty.”
“In the morning?”
He laughed. “Yes, in the morning.”
“Whatever for? We don’t start until nine.”
From the looks of it, it seemed that he was mired in work. He’d only been here a week, and already, he was overworked. I wasn’t sure if that was because he wasn’t used to the work or if it was really piling up. Either way, he looked like he needed some help.
Landon leaned back in his chair and scratched the back of his head. “Well, I have physical therapy Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoons and Monday and Friday mornings, so I come when I’m finished.”
“Physical therapy?” My voice rose an octave. “For what?”
“Oh, we’re asking questions now?” he asked with a smirk.
I opened my mouth and then closed it. He was right. I hadn’t wanted to know why he was here. I had refused for him to even tell me.
He waved his hand. “I’m kidding. I injured my back over the summer.”
“Again?” I asked.
I knew that he had gone through some issues at the start of his career and that it had bothered him last summer. I didn’t know it was still an issue.
“Yes,” he said simply.
He looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn’t. I wasn’t sure if that was my fault because I’d pushed him away or if he legitimately didn’t want to talk about it.
“Well, I’m glad you’re taking care of it this time,” I told him.
“Me, too. It’s long overdue.”
“So,” I muttered, “are you coming to Emery’s party today?”
“Already on the schedule to head out early for it.”
“Great. This should be fun.”
“You do know, she hates birthdays, right?”
“Duh. It’ll be more fun this way,” I said, cracking a smile.
“She’s probably going to kill you.”
I shrugged. I was reveling in the ease of our conversation. This was how we had always been before. It was nice to get back to that.
“Yeah, I’m used to her telling me that.”
Landon laughed, and my chest eased at how natural that sounded coming from him.
“Well, good luck with that.”
“Thanks,” I said.
Our eyes met. My smile softened. Man, I had missed him.
“Well, I’ll leave you to it,” I told him, backing away before I got myself in trouble.
“Thanks for stopping in.”
The tension I’d seen when I entered his office had evaporated. Perhaps he had been anticipating this conversation as much as I had. And it had gone better than I’d thought. Neither of us had snapped at the other nor had we torn each other’s clothes off. Yet.
I walked out of Landon’s office with a bounce in my step that hadn’t been there before. Things were looking up. Landon and I were back on speaking terms. I had a surprise birthday party tonight for my best friend. I felt on top of the world.