“Fine,” Mother said. “I will leave it alone for now. But after everything is settled, then he must speak with your father about courting you.”
I noticed she didn’t say after the wedding. My mother was making it clear that she had no plans for there to be a wedding and by the seas I wanted to throw myself at her feet and thank her for supporting me. I had no doubt that my parents loved me, but they were leaders of an entire country. The people depended on them for protection and provision. By making this choice, they were essentially choosing me over their duties as king and queen. I wished I could tell them not to; I wished I was that selfless. But now that I’d met Torben, everything had changed. I couldn’t see my life without him, and I couldn’t see my life with Cathal in it.
We spent the rest of the afternoon simply talking. It was so strange to live with people who you loved and yet see so little of them. We were in this palace every day, and yet there were days that went by that I didn’t even cross Lizzy’s path if she did not come to breakfast.
We reminisced about our childhood and how so much had changed. But most of all, we avoided completely the topic of marriage, Cathal, and anything that might remotely pertain to him. No matter how much I enjoyed my time with my family, Torben was ever-present in the back of my mind. I knew he was just outside the door, and I hated that he had to act like my guard instead of my equal.
The door opened then, and in stepped the object of my thoughts. To me, he was a handsome, longhaired, lightly bearded Viking warrior, but to my family they were seeing him as an English guard with short hair and clean-shaven face. He was huge in either regard, and he was also mine.
“Ow,” I growled as I rubbed the shin Dayna had just kicked.
She leaned over close. “You were looking at him like he was the last dessert on the table. Pull yourself together, woman.”
I glanced back up to see Torben watching us with a smirk on his face. I wondered if he’d been able to feel my attraction for him, as he had felt my pain earlier. I felt my face flush when I realized just how embarrassing such a thing would be.
“Forgive the interruption, Your Highness,” Torben said as he bowed to my mother. “Your nephew is here and wishes to speak with Allete.”
“Of course,” my mother said as she motioned with her hand. “Let him in.”
Thomas walked in and gave Torben a pointed look. Whether it was a look of good or ill, however, I couldn’t decipher. Torben turned to close the door and winked at me just as it shut him out of the room. I received another kick from Dayna for the grin I couldn’t suppress.
“Dayna, quit kicking your sister, and Allete, quit doing whatever it is you’re doing to illicit such a response,” Mother said, her voice sounding so much like it had when we were children doing much the same thing.
I started to say something, but Thomas cut me off.
“What exactly happened this morning at breakfast?” His clenched jaw made it perfectly clear that he knew what happened, but he wanted me to confirm it.
“Cathal was simply asserting his dominance,” I responded.
“Allete, he was hurting you. I could see it in your face. Why would you—”
“What?” I suddenly said as I stood up. “Why would I what, Thomas? Why would I let the king of Tara, a man who I am subject to and betrothed to, speak to me in such a way, handle me in such a way?” I was nearly yelling as the anger and humiliation built inside of me. I knew that Thomas simply cared about me, and this was his way of expressing his sorry. I knew that he did not mean his question to be insulting, and yet I was insulted. “I may be a princess. I may be next in line to be queen in my own country, but that holds no value to Cathal. The only value I have for that man is what I can do for him. The alliance I represent to Britain and the sons I can bear him. To openly disrespect him in front of others, especially in front of the court, would be throwing Father at his mercy.” My breathing had increased, and my heart was racing in my chest as I pointed my finger at my now-helpless looking cousin. “I am simply a woman, Thomas. Royal, yes. But still a woman. I have pushed the boundaries that hold my sex back as far as I can push them without causing Father disrespect. I will continue to do what I can, but I could not speak out against Cathal this morning. He would have done more than bruise my side.”
When I felt the steam seep out of me, my shoulders sagged forward. I felt bereft and tired, as though I’d been working in the fields all day instead of sitting on a cushioned chair, calmly conversing with my family.
“Forgive me, cousin,” Thomas said after several minutes. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly against him. “I just cannot stand to see you hurting, physically or otherwise.”
“I know,” I said as I patted his back. “I am the one who should apologize. I shouldn’t have yelled. I think I am simply tired and have too much on my mind.”
Thomas released me and stepped back. He wiped the tear from my cheek that I hadn’t realized had fallen and smiled at me. “And just so you know, there is nothing such as ‘simply a woman.’ The statement itself is an oxymoron. There is nothing simple about any woman and certainly not you. Remarkable? Yes. Unique? Most definitely. Passionate, good, honest and beyond lovely? Without a doubt. But never simple.”
He pressed a kiss to my forehead and bowed to the rest of the room. “I’ll take my leave, good ladies. And plan to see you all tomorrow evening at the ball. I’m sure it is going to prove to be an interesting evening.”
I snorted out a laugh. Interesting indeed.
To my surprise, Mother insisted we eat dinner in her chambers instead of dining with the court. It was the first time in a very long time that we’d eaten as a family. Even Father joined us. My heart was overflowing with love by the time the evening was ending. As we each said our goodnights, Father came over to me and hugged me tightly to him.
“I want you to sleep tonight, Allete. Do not stay up worrying about everyone else. Do no worry for our kingdom and do not worry for yourself.” He pulled back to look at me. “Tomorrow evening will be the last time you have to see or deal with Cathal. You have my word.”
I kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Father. I will do my best not to worry.”
He chuckled. “Liar. You’re too much like your mother. You care too deeply, even about things you have no control over.” He paused and brushed my hair from my face. “But then I would rather you care too much than too little.”
“Simply a woman. Could she really believe such nonsense? We are male and we are female and we are both necessary to the continuation of humanity. How could anyone think that one sex was greater than the other? Men are needed to create life, and women are needed to carry, nurture, and bring forth life. One could not exist without the other. When two things need each other to survive, in my mind, there is nothing more equal. Men need women and women need men. Why was that such a difficult concept for some to grasp?”
* * *
~Torben