“Why? I picked out some damn good places for her.”
Finally, Jade put the box of cereal into the cart and looked at me. “You did. But after spending the weekend in Georgia, I was convinced she’d start looking for places up there.” She laughed beneath her breath, like she found it comical that our mothers had gotten along so well, but I could tell she was happy about it.
“That’s funny you say that, because before we left, my mom had joked around about moving here. She said something about how it’d be cheaper to buy a house than airfare multiple times a year.”
“I thought you said they hardly come here.”
“Yeah, they don’t. But I guess now that Mom has a kid to spoil rotten, she has more of a reason to come down. Because, you know, her son isn’t enough.” I feigned being offended at the rejection. But when Jade didn’t laugh, didn’t even crack a smile, I sensed something wasn’t right. “What’s wrong, babe?”
“I trust that you love Aria, and I can tell your parents are crazy about her…but do you think that’ll change if we have our own kids?”
Abandoning my position at the front of the cart, I walked around it and took her hands in mine, making her look up at me. “Is that what you’ve been worried about? That us having children will somehow leave Aria out?”
She didn’t have to answer; the tears shining in her eyes did that for her.
“Babe, no. Never. Aria is my daughter; don’t you see that? We could have a dozen babies, and she’ll still be my first. And I know my parents feel the same. My dad was adopted…don’t forget that. There’s no way in hell he’d ever treat her any differently than our next kid, or the one after that.”
She closed her eyes and released a long sigh, and with that, the tension drained from her. “Thank you, Cash. I needed that. I kept telling myself I’d feel better once I saw your parents with her, but it just made my fear worse—because I saw how much they both doted on her.”
“You’ve got nothing to stress about, babe. I promise.”
Jade seemed lighter the rest of the trip, like a weight had been removed, and I wished she had mentioned her anxiety earlier rather than keeping it bottled up. But I couldn’t dwell on that. Nothing between us had been easy, and I knew it would take time before she’d stop freaking out about everything. The only thing I could do was continue offering her my support and love, and wait for her to sort through her concerns and questions.
That night, after we’d gone back to our room, rather than crawl into bed with me after she washed her face, she sat on the edge of the mattress with a familiar piece of paper in her hand. The lamp on the table next to me glistened in her clear, excited eyes, and it made me sit straight up.
“So I’ve made all the changes I could think of in your agreement. I’m sure you’ll have more to add, but I figured we should go over this first.” Instead of handing the paper to me, she kept it in her tight grip, her eyes steady on mine. “I’d feel more comfortable with you going over it in front of me, so we can talk about the changes.”
Well, that worried me.
When I nodded, she held it out, finally giving me the answers I’d spent damn near a month waiting for. But I couldn’t get past the second article without stopping. “Why’d you cross out the college one?”
“Because I’ve decided I don’t want to go back. My mom has been talking a lot about opening a place for equine therapy here on the island, and she told me today that Bryn is on board. The condo you found, the one she really loves, would leave her enough money after the sale of the house and the savings from when she was married to purchase land on the back side of the island. And I guess she’s already spoken to some people about adding stables and buying horses.”
“That’s amazing, Jade.”
She held her finger up, informing me she wasn’t done. “And I would really love to help her with that. It’ll take almost everything she has in the bank, but I can tell it’s what she really wants to do, and I’d rather put the money you were going to loan me for college toward that, instead of a degree I’d never use. If that’s okay with you.”
“Are you kidding me? Of course it is.” I held her by the back of the neck and pulled her mouth to mine, needing to feel her smile on my lips. I also wanted to disrupt any chance she’d have to mention the loan in more detail. I’d offered that as a way to get her to agree, never having a bit of intention of having her pay me back. And I knew if I told her that, she’d change her mind and find another way to get the money.
Then I released her and went back to the list, dropping all conversation of college.
She’d crossed out the line about having babies, and my heart sank. Slowly, I lifted my gaze to find hers, yet I couldn’t sense any hesitation or worry coming from her. “No babies?” I asked in such a quiet voice it nearly went unheard.
“I’d like to discuss that with you once you’re finished going through it.”
My eyes continued to scan the list, but I couldn’t take any of it in. My mind remained stuck on the black line running through “have babies together.” I skipped over the amendment she’d added to adopting Aria, not really paying attention to her handwritten note, and kept skimming until I reached the end.
Marry me.
Just below it, she added: Yes.
“Really? You’ll marry me?” Hope blossomed in my chest.
“Of course,” she said, as if that had never been a question in her mind. “But this is what I was thinking—and hear me out before you go making any changes to that.” My stomach twisted into knots waiting for her to explain. “Christmas is less than a month away, and I’d like it if my mom were here for that. I know you usually go to Georgia, but I was wondering if you could invite your parents here instead.”
“Yeah…anything you want, Jade. But what does that have to do with you marrying me?”
“I’d marry you right now, but I need to get through the holidays and get my mom settled into her condo. I’d love to have the ranch in a good place, too, but that’ll take more time than I’m willing to wait. So I was thinking, as long as you’re okay with it, that we get married in February. That way, we can plan it and not have to rush or split our time between several things.”
“Babe…” I pulled her closer until our foreheads touched. “All I care about is making you my wife. I don’t give two shits when it happens. If you choose to wait two months, then we wait. If you decide to hold off for another year, then that’s what we’ll do—even though I’d probably bitch about it. All I need to know is that you’re willing to spend the rest of your life with me.”
A tear slipped down the side of her face just as she pecked my lips. “Anyway, that’s why I put down on the line about adopting Aria that we should do it next year.”
I glanced back at the paper, not even realizing she’d added that. And as soon as I found the one she’d crossed out, I couldn’t hold back any longer. “Why don’t you want to have kids with me?”