The pain in my side had subsided at the sight of Jade’s frantic disposition when we’d walked in. In that moment, it wasn’t as important as her fear. But now, after clenching my hands into fists at my sides, angry at myself for not taking a step back to see the bigger picture, the ache intensified. It settled deep into my bones, creating a heat within me that threatened to steal my breath away. Not able to put it off any longer, I apologized once more and moved around her frozen body.
I’d only tried to help, but that wasn’t a good enough excuse. While I stood in the shower, letting the water fall over me, I tried to imagine what it had been like for her when she first woke up, not having an inkling where her child was. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t put myself in her shoes, and that only made things worse. My only saving grace was knowing I’d be gone first thing in the morning, and I wouldn’t be back until late Friday night. I had hoped by next weekend, she would be able to find it within her to accept my heartfelt apology and move forward.
A knock came from my closed bedroom door, and there was no doubt it had been Jade. Aria’s sounded more like a tap with zero oomph behind it. Yet even this one wasn’t harsh—loud enough to be heard, but not driven by the force of anger.
I’d fallen onto my bed after my shower in nothing but a clean pair of athletic shorts. I was about to call out and tell her to hold on a minute while I put on a shirt, but the thought of climbing out of bed made the lingering pain in my ribs spur to life. After another round of ibuprofen and however long I’d been in bed, the ache had started to settle. Just the thought of moving made it throb. So instead, I called out, “Come in,” and waited for her to open the door.
At first, she stood in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest, her shoulder leaning against the frame. Her entire stance screamed anger, as if she were ready for a fight. But the second I regarded her expression, I realized how misleading her posture was. Sadness lined her lower lids, fear ticced in her jaw, and apprehension lingered in her downcast eyes. She wasn’t standing there, holding back or readying herself for an attack. No…she was protecting herself. Although, I couldn’t figure out what from.
“Come here.” I curled my finger, calling her toward me. “What’s going on?”
When she made it to the bed to stand next to me, I held my breath and used my good arm to raise myself up, then swiveled my legs to dangle off the side. Her need to protect herself became apparent once more as she put distance between us. If I’d reached out, I could’ve touched her, but I knew better than to push.
“I owe you an apology.” Remorse filled her whispered words.
I swallowed harshly and narrowed my eyes on her. “For what? You don’t owe me anything. I’m the one who left while you were asleep, and took your child with me. There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.”
“Yes, there is.” She was adamant, and all I could do was sit and wait for her to get it out so I could ease her mind and assure her that she had done nothing wrong. “When I bathed Aria, I noticed she had on sunblock. I’d accused you of not protecting her in the sun, and I was wrong. And when I took her bathing suit to the porch to dry, I found the floaties. I wasn’t aware you had them, so I thought you’d just taken her to the beach with nothing.”
“Jade—”
“I also found the note.” She wouldn’t let me speak until she was done—she made that clear with her sharp interruption—so I sat and waited my turn. “You have to understand something…I’ve never woken up and found her gone. That’s never happened to me before. So it scared me, and I guess that fear made me irrational and kept me from calmly figuring it out. And because of that, I didn’t handle myself properly when you came home and I realized she was fine and safe.”
I waited until she paused long enough to give me space to talk. “Jade…you have nothing to be sorry for. You were right. I shouldn’t have taken her out of the house without your permission. You’d just fallen asleep when she woke up, and I thought she’d have fun playing in the waves, and you’d be able to get some rest since I’d kept you up late two nights in a row. But that was never my call to make. You don’t know me well enough to trust that I’d take care of her and keep her safe. Hell, she barely knows me. You had every right in the world to be pissed—you still do.”
She lowered her head and covered her face with her hands, her elbows tucked close to her body. I wasn’t sure if she was crying, but I could assume by the way her shoulders remained still, not jumping, and her breathing appeared labored but not erratic, that she wasn’t sobbing—she only needed a moment to collect herself.
When her hands dropped to her sides, her bright eyes met my dark ones. “I’m just not used to this. Yesterday morning and now today…” She shook her head and glanced to the cracked door before rewarding me with her attention again. “This is all so new. Everything is.”
“That’s fine. It is for me, too. But we’ll figure it out. It’s been one weekend, and in time, we’ll be so used to this arrangement, we won’t know anything different. I understand she’s your kid, not mine, and I have no say over anything that involves Aria…but if you’d let me, I have no issue helping you out. If you’re tired or sick and I’m here, let me be an extra set of hands.”
“That’s just it, Cash…I’m lost with an extra set of hands. All weekend I’ve felt like I’ve been living with an octopus when the last two years I’ve been a T-Rex trying to clap.”
I didn’t need her to act it out in order to imagine it, but she did anyway. With her elbows tucked close to her body, she flapped her hands together, resembling more of a seal than a dinosaur. Unable to stop laughing, no matter how badly it hurt to do so, I reached out and pulled her close, settling her between my parted legs. I dropped my forehead to her shoulder and held onto her hips. I hadn’t thought twice about it, only needing a little support while I tried to stop the rumbles from ripping through me long enough for the agony in my side to diminish.
Once I was calm enough to speak, I hooked my fingers into the belt loops on her side, and held her face with my good hand. “In all seriousness, Jade, she’s not a problem. She’s a kid. A smart and funny and extremely well-mannered little girl. I don’t ever want you to feel like you can’t lean on me when it comes to her. Or hell, when it comes to anything. If I’m here, let me help.”
“My mind is all over the place right now. I think it’s going to take me longer than a week to figure it all out. We hadn’t even gotten comfortable here before you came home”—her eyes widened—“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s your house; I’d never suggest—”