They held each other’s gaze for a long moment, and Ruby could almost hear her own heart beating.
Thomas was the one to speak first. “I should tell you that your friend Charlotte came to the door today.”
“Charlotte? From next door?”
He nodded. “Her mother fell.”
“Oh, no! Is Madame Dacher all right?”
Thomas nodded. “She’s fine, I believe. If I had to hazard a guess, she hadn’t been eating enough and simply fainted. She hit her head on the way down, so there was some blood, which must have been frightening to Charlotte.”
“You went to their apartment?”
“It was the right thing to do. She was looking for you. She sounded scared.”
“You risked being spotted in order to help her.”
He shrugged and looked away.
“I should go check on her,” Ruby murmured after a pause. But she couldn’t move. Thomas was staring at her again, and it made her wish, somehow, that she could linger in this moment for a while more. “You’re a good man, Thomas,” she said. “A very good man.” She didn’t wait for a response before slipping out the door.
“I THINK THE PILOT LOVES you,” Charlotte said gravely to Ruby thirty minutes later, after Ruby had checked on Madame Dacher, who was awake, though still woozy.
“He’s only been here a few days, Charlotte! People don’t fall in love that quickly.”
“Sometimes a few days is all it takes,” Charlotte said confidently, and Ruby had to hide a smile. Charlotte might be wise beyond her years, but she was still a child. She couldn’t possibly understand such things.
“He’ll be gone very soon anyhow, back to England.”
“The war will end someday, you know. And then you can see him again.”
If we both survive, Ruby thought. But she mustered a smile and said, “Let’s not make this into something it’s not. I’m just helping him for a few days, that’s all. Now, you’re sure you and your mother are all right?”
Charlotte nodded.
“Please don’t hesitate to come get me if anything goes wrong.”
“Okay. Please tell your pilot I’m grateful.”
Ruby slipped out of the Dachers’ apartment with Charlotte’s words ringing in her ears. Your pilot. The mere thought of him belonging to her was enough to make her light-headed. But she was being foolish, and she knew it.
She drew a deep breath and forced herself back to reality before opening the door to her own apartment. Inside, it smelled like someone was cooking, but that was impossible. “Thomas?”
“In here.”
She rounded the corner to the kitchen to find two candles lit on the table and Thomas standing at the stove. “What are you doing?” she asked.
He turned and smiled. “I hope you don’t mind. I’m making us a meal. Charlotte gave me a bit of bread and cheese. It’s not much, but my mother always said I had a special talent with cheese on toast. I thought we might bring half to the Dachers and share the rest between us.”
She just stared at him, sure this was some kind of a mirage. Never in all the time she’d spent with Marcel had he ever offered to cook for her. No man had done that. She knew the bread was likely stale and the cheese was probably old, but somehow, it smelled like the most delicious thing in the world.
“Sit down,” Thomas said, turning back to the stove. “Make yourself comfortable. I wish I could offer you a glass of wine, but alas, all I have is water.”
“Wait, I have some wine,” Ruby said. She’d been saving the last of Marcel’s collection for a special occasion, but this was just that, wasn’t it? She went to the cupboard in the parlor and rummaged in the back until she found a bottle of 1937 Bordeaux. “Will this do?” she asked, returning to the kitchen.
Thomas raised his eyebrows and grinned. “If you’re sure you want to open it, I think it would elevate the meal to a proper feast.”
THE OPEN-FACED SANDWICH THAT THOMAS prepared was one of the best things Ruby had ever eaten, and by the time they’d made it through the bottle of wine, they were sitting on the couch side by side, sharing stories of their childhoods. Ruby told him about the time she got lost in the poppy fields the year she was five and how frightened she’d been, and Thomas chuckled and told her about how he’d been the same age when he wandered off one afternoon in London, scaring his poor parents half to death. They talked about school and their childhood dreams; Ruby had wanted to be a teacher, and Thomas had hoped to be a doctor.
“I always loved science,” he explained. “And I like taking care of people. It seemed like a logical path to follow. In fact, I had already taken several courses in anticipation of continuing on to medical school.”
“So why didn’t you?”
He sighed. “The war happened. I wanted a chance to help. I had just finished university when I decided to enlist.”
“Do you think you’ll go back to school? Become a doctor someday?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. A doctor is supposed to save lives, but I’ve had to take them. I’m not sure how that has changed who I am.”
“Things are different in wartime. And you’re fighting for a greater good.”
“But there must be Germans who feel that way too. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the sky, Ruby, it’s that absolutely nothing is black and white. And as a doctor, I think you’re supposed to see the world a bit more scientifically. I’m just not sure that’s the person I am anymore.”
“But maybe, in a way, you’ve become a better person. After all, it’s the nuances that make the world beautiful, isn’t it?” Her cheeks warmed as Thomas held her gaze.
“And how about you?” he asked. “Do you still want to be a schoolteacher?”
“A year ago, I would have said no. But I’ve been working with Charlotte, helping her to learn English, and it has reminded me how much I love education. Knowledge is power, especially in times like these.”
Thomas nodded. “Talking of Charlotte, she mentioned something to me when I was in her apartment earlier,” he said. “It’s my fault; I was asking about you, and I’m afraid I pried more than I intended.”
Ruby blinked a few times. “What did she say?”
“She told me about the baby. I’m so very sorry, Ruby.”
Ruby felt suddenly numb, cold. She was glad, in a way, that Thomas knew. She had wanted to tell him the night before, but she hadn’t known how to say the words.
When she didn’t say anything, he went on. “He’s who you were talking about last night, isn’t he? You said that you felt as if you’d failed because you couldn’t save him.”
The tears were falling now, and she didn’t bother to pretend otherwise. “He came too early. I wasn’t strong enough.”
“Ruby.” He reached for her hands and waited until she looked at him. “I can’t even imagine the pain of a loss like that. But you must know that it wasn’t your fault.”
“But a mother’s most important job is to protect her child.”
“Sometimes that’s impossible, though. I know you well enough now to know that you did everything you could to keep that baby safe, didn’t you?”
Ruby nodded, feeling miserable.
“Sometimes, God’s plans are different from ours, and it’s impossible to know why,” Thomas said. “I need to ask something of you, Ruby.”
She looked up, startled. He was asking her a favor in the midst of a conversation like this? “All right.”
“I need you to forgive yourself.”
“Thomas—”
“Please, let me finish. You can carry the sadness with you, but not the guilt. Guilt will eat you alive, and in this case, there’s no reason for it. It’s not my business, Ruby, but if there’s one thing I hope for you, it’s that you’ll try to let go of the feeling that you failed, because you didn’t. I want the best for you. I want you to be happy. And I don’t think you will be, not entirely, until you lay this burden down.”
When he was done speaking, she stared at him for a long time. “I’ll try,” she whispered at last. “But why do you care? We’ll probably never see each other again.”