“Do you mind me asking why you haven’t gone back to the States?”
Ruby gestured to the couch, and they both sat down. “I suppose because I chose to make my world here. At first it was because I’d made a promise to my husband, but then I fell in love with Paris. And you can’t just love something when it’s easy, can you? That’s not real love.”
“Indeed.” Thomas was staring at her in a way that made her feel both unsettled and understood.
She drew a deep breath and went on. “I’m glad I stayed. Maybe that sounds crazy, but in America, there would be nothing I could do to help. Here, at least I can do something.”
“But it’s risky. Especially doing what you’re doing, Ruby. Hiding people like me.”
She gave him a small smile. “You’re the first, actually. Since my husband died.”
He stood up abruptly. “Why didn’t you tell me? I just thought this was something you were already involved in. I should go; I can’t put you in this sort of danger.”
She reached instinctively for his hand to pull him back down beside her. She realized only after his fingers closed around hers that it had been too forward of her, but suddenly, she didn’t want to let go—especially when it became clear that he had no intention of releasing her either. His hand was large, callused, and warm. “Please, Thomas, sit down.”
He did, looking uncertain. His fingers were still laced with hers, and he was sitting closer than he had been before, their knees touching now. “Ruby, it’s not that I don’t believe in you. In fact, you seem like a real ace at saving people. It’s just that I would never want to be the one putting you in harm’s way.”
“Thomas, this is the first time in years I’ve felt like myself.” The way he was looking at her made her think he understood. “Before I married my husband, I was a university student in New York. I was self-sufficient, and I believed in myself.”
Thomas nodded and squeezed her hand gently, encouraging her to go on.
“But somehow that changed. I thought when I came here that my independence would grow. I was going on a great adventure to Paris, after all.” She smiled at her own na?veté. “But somehow along the way, I went from being a brave adventurer to simply being a wife, nothing more. It would be easy to blame it on Marcel, but it was just as much my fault. I let him talk over my opinions. I let him make all the decisions. I let him push me to the side, until I wasn’t myself in our marriage anymore. Maybe I never had been to start with. But regardless, I lost the person I’d been, the person I wanted to be, and I don’t think I grasped it until it was too late.” She felt suddenly ridiculous. “I’m very sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this.”
“I’m glad you are.” Thomas reached for her other hand and waited for her to look up at him. When she did, he held her gaze. “I’m glad you’re telling me, because you’re wrong, Ruby. I’m sorry you’ve felt lost. But it seems to me that you’ve known who you were all along, even if you didn’t realize it.”
“You can’t know that,” she protested. “You don’t even know me.”
“Not yet anyhow. But the way you’ve cared for me these last few days, well, it was the work of someone who knows exactly who she is. You showed great kindness and great courage. Those things are rarer than you think.”
“Thank you.” She could feel her cheeks growing warm. How did he know exactly the right thing to say? “But you see, I think someone who truly knows herself is capable of helping more. And so far, I’ve felt very useless in this war.”
“Ruby, you saved my life.”
“And I’m thankful for that. But is saving one or two men enough? My husband thought I was weak and foolish. It’s why he never told me about the work he was doing to help the Allies. And maybe I was foolish. How could I not have seen what was going on? But I want to do more. I want to be a part of this fight.”
“I think you already are.”
“I don’t know if that’s true.” She looked away. “But I’m a stronger person than he ever thought I was.”
“Ruby,” Thomas said. He waited until she looked right at him, and then he held her gaze. “I don’t doubt that for a second.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
October 1941
There was something about the girl—Ruby—that changed everything for Thomas. When he’d parachuted into France, eight days earlier, all he’d wanted was to get back to England as quickly as possible. Now, he was grateful for the delay. He knew that every day he stayed in Paris the danger would grow, but somehow, it didn’t matter.
That was a foolish way to think, though, and he knew it. Ruby had saved him, and he had bonded to her because of that. It was what his CO would have told him, anyhow. But Thomas couldn’t help thinking there was more to it.
He knew it would be wise to move on. After all, though Ruby clearly wanted to help, her husband had been the link to the escape line, not her. But he simply didn’t want to go.
The day before, she had mentioned that it would be better if he slept in the small cupboard in the hall, the place where her husband had hidden the RAF pilots who had preceded him. But then darkness had fallen while they talked, losing track of the hours, and she had said it would be fine if he wanted to spend the night in her apartment instead.
“I don’t want to put you in any danger,” he’d said. But the truth was, he didn’t want to leave. The cupboard outside her door might as well have been miles away.
“I think we’re safe for now,” she’d said, and he’d nodded, even though he knew better. It was just that he enjoyed talking with her—about her childhood and his, about her hopes and his dreams, about the lives they wanted to live once the war was over. He wasn’t ready for the conversation to be over yet.
“You know, you remind me a little of my mother,” Thomas said just before midnight, feeling like a proper fool as soon as the words were out of his mouth. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t the right thing to say to a pretty girl. I only mean that she was one of the most decent people I knew, and it strikes me that you’re that way too. Kind and caring and generous. I hope it’s all right to tell you that.”
Ruby smiled, and even in the dim light of the candles that burned between them, he was nearly certain he could see her blushing. “Thank you. It’s a wonderful compliment. You remind me a bit of my father too.”
“Do I?”
“He’s a very good man. He always listened to me, made me feel that I was someone special, someone important. He treated my mother that way too. I’ve thought of him a lot over the past few years and wondered how I wound up marrying someone who wasn’t like that at all.”
“Sometimes that’s a part of growing up, though, isn’t it? We try to strike out on our own, to carve our own path, and we realize too late what we’ve left behind.”
“Did you do that too? Leave behind a piece of your past?”
“Yes,” he said after a long pause. “I believe I did. I was in such a hurry to be a hero for Britain that I raced out the door without so much as a look back. I told myself I would visit, that I would write all the time, because, you see, it was just me and my mum. My father died years ago, and we didn’t have any other family. But then things became hectic, and I found myself putting it off, telling myself I would write her the next day or visit her the next week. That wasn’t who she raised me to be, you see. I was supposed to be a better son than that, and I always thought I would be when the war was over, after I’d helped save Britain. But then, I ran out of days and weeks.” He was embarrassed to feel moisture in his eyes, and he turned away quickly before Ruby noticed.
“She died?” Ruby asked.
“Yes. In the Blitz. I—I couldn’t save her.”