“What do you mean?”
I shook my head, so humiliated… so wholly ashamed. “I couldn’t leave him, Killian. I physically couldn’t. I don’t know what was wrong with me, but I just couldn’t do it. I was afraid, yes, but it was more than that. It was like he had this hold on me that I just couldn’t break. No matter how hard I tried.”
He stepped closer to me, facing me again, watching me so closely I could feel his gaze on my skin, soothing the demons that still haunted me, calming my tattered heart—healing my battered spirit. He understood. “It wasn’t your fault, Vera.”
My eyes slammed shut as more tears poured out of me from a well that was so tainted with hurt and betrayal. Derrek was supposed to be my happily ever after. He was supposed to give me everything I’d always wanted—the blissful relationship, the financial stability, the hand up in my dream job. He had promised me love and given me pain instead. He’d promised me the world and locked me in prison.
I thought he was the answer to every one of my prayers. But he’d turned out to be the devil in disguise, the demon that ate at my soul and destroyed my hope.
But the worst part was that I let him. In my desperation to grasp the things I’d put on such a high pedestal, I’d let him bulldoze me. I hadn’t even put up a fight.
And for that, I blamed myself. More than I blamed him.
Killian’s hand smoothed over my jaw as he cupped my face gently in his overwhelming hands. His calluses scratched along my skin, but his touch was so gentle it made my heart hurt with a longing I couldn’t define. He leaned closer until I could feel his breath on my lips. His beard scratched at my chin, and his scent filled the air around us.
“It’s not your fault, Vera,” he repeated. “You didn’t make Derrek hurt you. He did that. He chose that. He decided to be the evil piece of shit that hits women and uses his size and stature to trap them. He has to answer to that. Not you. Not fucking you. It is not your fault.”
A slow tremble worked its way through my body. It was one part surprise and two parts relief. I hadn’t realized the hold guilt had on me. Or the crippling shackles of blame.
I hadn’t realized I needed to escape that prison as well.
Killian’s grasp tightened on my face, his thumbs sweeping over my cheeks to collect the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. “Tell me you understand. I need you to say the words.”
“I can’t,” I hiccupped. “I want to but I can’t.”
He pulled me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me and holding me against the hard safety of his body. “You can,” he promised. “However you see yourself or remember yourself is a lie. He hurt you Vera, and that is unforgivable. But what you did? Staying? Staying when you couldn’t see a way out, when you lived in fear, when he lied to you over and over and over, that wasn’t wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong. That’s his voice in your head, not yours. He’s still feeding you the lies that kept you trapped for so long. You’re brave. And you’re strong. And you’re so damn resilient. It might have taken you longer than you wanted, Vera, but you did it. That makes you the hero of this story, not the victim. You’re the survivor. You’re moving on.”
I pulled back, opening my eyes to meet his gaze and it was one of the bravest things I had ever done. He held me there, captivated by his faith in me, by the grace and gentleness that was in such contrast to everything else I knew to be true about him. He wasn’t judging me. He didn’t think I was pathetic or weak or used. And he was asking me to see myself how he saw me.
It wasn’t a switch that could be flipped. I didn’t immediately feel like the brave, strong woman he promised I was.
But I took a step in that direction.
“Thank you.” I licked dry lips and pushed through the emotion, trying again. “Thank you for being so kind. For saving me not just from Derrek tonight, but from me.”
His head dipped toward mine, his arms tightened around me. “You still don’t see it. You don’t know how incredibly talented you are. You never needed Derrek to introduce you to anyone. Your food would have done that for you. You didn’t need him to validate you. You didn’t need his approval. You’re brilliant, Vera. So naturally talented, you put me to shame. He saw how utterly precious you were and tried to capture your magic for himself. But he underestimated you. You’re meant for more than him. More than the food truck you’ve sentenced yourself to. You’re meant to shine, Vera. I saw it the first time I met you. You shine so fucking bright.”
He closed the distance between us, pressing a kiss to my cheek. As soon as his lips touched my skin, a shockwave rocked through me. My fingers curled around clumps of his black t-shirt and I tipped into him, our bodies settling against each other as if letting out a satisfied sigh.
I didn’t pull away. I couldn’t. He had given me back a piece of myself that I’d been unable to find. He’d given me a gift that I would cherish for the rest of my life.
His lips lingered on my cheek, brushing once, twice, slowly peppering my cheekbone with the sweetest kisses. I shivered at the gentle seduction of it, the brush of his beard against my face, the fullness of his lips tasting my skin, the salty tears that had only just now stopped falling.
He’d told me I was bright, but not compared to him. He was the sun, and I was a flower turning my face to his heat. He was the stars in the clear summer night sky, and I was the stargazer mesmerized by the mysterious beauty I would never fully understand.
I turned my face toward his, seeking those lips that were driving me crazy. He let out a shaky breath, catching the corner of my mouth as soon as he could reach it.
Someone whimpered, but it couldn’t have been me. I had never made that sound before in my life.
The next time he kissed me it was a real kiss, mouth to mouth, lips caressing lips, tongues seeking tongues. I melted into him, fully alive again for the first time in years.
He tasted as perfect as possible, all masculine need and hungry desperation. His mouth moved over mine, fully in charge, fully committed to kissing me as thoroughly as possible.
My hands wound around his neck, desperate to hold onto something stable as my knees trembled and my belly flipped and my core coiled, heating with delicious warmth.
He just kept kissing me, deepening until his tongue did wicked things to mine. His teeth nipped at my bottom lip, and then he licked a slow path that pulled another needy sound out of me.