“Everything okay?” he asked as he offered her a hand and pulled her up.
“Yeah. Fine. Everything’s fine.” She waved her phone, an exaggerated gesture that almost sent the thing sailing to the floor again, but this time she caught it. “Just Holly checking in. I’m gonna text her back to let her know we’re headed out tomorrow. Right?”
Jamie eyed her warily and nodded. “Yep. Holbrook, Arizona, tomorrow. Second to last stop before L.A.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You know you can tell me anything, don’t you?”
“Of course,” she said.
There was that lump in her throat again. And the guilt? It blanketed her now. Because not only had she turned Jamie into a cheating man and let alcohol cloud her moral judgment, but she just lied to him, and why? They were in uncharted waters here, and the one person she could talk to about anything was suddenly the person she feared talking to most.
Jamie loved her? If that was how he felt, what was he even doing with someone else? And what the hell was he doing taking her to Spencer? She had fantasized about Spencer Matthews since the beginning of their senior year of high school, and now he had a room for them at what was sure to be some swanky boutique hotel. All she had to do was text him and tell him she wouldn’t be making it to L.A. after all, but there should be some sort of discussion with Jamie first. They would have to have the talk, the one that used the word relationship and future. How could you cheat on the nice doctor who stitched up your chin? And, holy shit, she needed a minute.
“I’ll be right back,” she said, and rose on her tiptoes to give him a quick kiss.
Something in his expression fell, but he masked it just as quickly. Not before she noticed, though.
“I’ll save you a seat,” he said with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Then he turned back toward the dining room.
“Jamie?”
When he turned to face her, eyes expectant, she wanted to tell him everything, to put it all out there—how amazing the day had been and how scared she was for what it meant. She wanted to tell him that Spencer texted and ask him what she should tell him. What should she say to Holly? What would he say to Liz? Was this just the magic of the trip, and Jamie would return to his life when they got home?
What are we now, Jamie?
But fear got the best of her.
“Grab me a beer? I’ll be there in a minute.”
Not that she needed any more alcohol. She wanted to think clearly now, but it was something natural for her to ask and something he would be happy to do. If anything, it bought her time.
“Sure thing.” He didn’t smile at all this time, and she let him walk out of the room.
She ignored Spencer’s text for now and replied to Holly:
I slept with Jamie and I’m a horrible person because he’s with Liz.
Brynn knew better than to head back into the room without waiting three seconds for Holly to reply.
It only took her two.
Holly: I KNEW IT.
She couldn’t help it. Despite her warring feelings, Holly’s response made her giggle.
Brynn: You did not.
Holly: I SO DID, AND YOU KNOW IT.
Brynn: Stop yelling at me!
Holly: YOU SLEPT WITH JAMIE. I WILL NEVER STOP YELLING.
Brynn: I think I might be in love with him.
Holly: OF COURSE YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HIM YOU FREAKING IDIOT.
Her eyes watered as her laughter continued, and while she was grateful for Holly giving her conscience a momentary reprieve, she had to stifle herself before her emotions got carried away. Her eyes watered when she laughed, but she could feel the torrent building, the threshold where hysterical laughter turned to sobbing tears, and she was one more giggle—maybe two—away from the waterworks.
Brynn: Did you miss the part about me being a home wrecker? This is a mess with Liz and the trip and Spencer, who still thinks I’m coming, btw.
Holly: Does Jamie think you’re “coming”? LOL.
Brynn: HOLLY.
Holly: Okay. Sorry. Home wrecker. So…that part is maybe not so good? But Jamie’s relationships always seem to fizzle eventually. Maybe this is just a bigger fizzle?
Brynn: I’m a horrible person.
Her stomach lurched, and she had to look down to see if the floor had dropped out from beneath her. Nope. She was still standing, regaining her balance and perspective. This was not how she wanted to fall in love, the moment—the whole day even—tainted by the fact that what she and Jamie had done would hurt someone else.
Her phone vibrated, but it wasn’t a text this time. Holly was calling.
“Hello?” Her voice trembled a little, but it was enough for Holly to recognize.