“The happiness of your children, of course.” Grace lowered her gaze, afraid she would falter and give in to her selfish desires if she stared into his compelling dark eyes for too long. “You know how bitterly opposed they are to your remarrying. And I have done more than anyone to foster that uncharitable attitude. This is my just punishment. Much as I want to, I cannot marry you and risk having the children I love so much grow to resent me.”
Perhaps she should not have confessed her desire to accept Rupert’s proposal for it seemed to encourage him in a way she could ill afford.
Gently he took both her hands in his, as they had clasped during the dance that evening. “Dearest Grace, you know my daughters care for you quite as much as you do for them. Whether you are their governess or their mama, I cannot believe that will change.”
Perhaps he could not, but she could all too easily. She shook her head and tried to pull her hands from his grasp. “You did not hear what they said when I told them what happened at the masquerade. Sophie was aghast at the thought that I might become their stepmother. They will never accept me—I am certain of it. And there will be gossip in the neighborhood about such an unsuitable match, which will only make things worse.”
Her fears were running away with her, whipped up by the potent consciousness of all the wrong she had done since coming to Nethercross. She could not bear to do more simply to get what she wanted.
“Hush now, hush,” Rupert clung to her hands with tender but steadfast resolve. “I will talk to the girls and persuade them they have nothing to fear. All will be well, I promise you.”
How could she resist her feelings for such a man, whose presence promised her security, protection, understanding—everything she craved? But how could she give in to them when the result might be the kind of strife that had blighted her childhood? She cared too much for Rupert and his daughters to let that happen.
“Don’t you see? They may pretend to be resigned to a marriage between us for fear of losing your regard. If they cannot truly accept me, it could poison your feelings for them and theirs for you. That is too great a risk. I cannot take it. Please do not ask me to!”
Hard as she tried to maintain her composure, hot tears rose in her eyes.
“So much fear.” Rupert’s whisper enfolded her with its fond sympathy. “After all you have suffered over the years I reckon it is no wonder you always expect the worst. I have no right to talk, for I was every bit as fearful of giving my heart away again at the risk of losing it forever. But even if I were to lose you, I could never be sorry to have loved you. You brought me to life again and gave me back my heart. Having you here at Nethercross has been a blessing for which I shall always be grateful.”
He disengaged one of his hands from hers and wiped away a tear that slid down her cheek. Much as his words touched her and his gesture brought comfort, Rupert’s reference to a blessing reminded her why they could not be together. “You and your daughters have been a blessing to me as well but one I do not deserve. I kept secrets from you and spoiled your plans. Even worse, I made the girls a party to my actions. I encouraged them in believing that all stepmothers must be horrid. Now I must reap what I have sown. It is a judgment upon me.”
“Is that why you will not accept my proposal?” he asked. “Because you feel you do not deserve to be happy?”
Blinking back the rest of her tears she gave a slow nod.
“We all make mistakes,” Rupert replied. “I hired you for the wrong reasons. I refused to acknowledge my feelings for you and planned to marry a woman I did not love in spite of my daughters’ objections. Does that mean I should never know happiness?”
“Of course not! It isn’t the same thing at all.”
“Are you certain?” Rupert nodded toward his peacefully sleeping children. “You cannot deny the girls have their faults, yet you care for them just the same and would do everything in your power to make them happy.”
“You know I would.” That’s what she was trying to do now, if only he would not let her.
“Even Charlotte who made things so difficult when you first came here?” he persisted.
“She didn’t mean to,” Grace protested. “She didn’t understand in the beginning and once she did she was so remorseful.”
“And you forgave her, just like that?” Rupert sounded skeptical. “Even though she might not have deserved it?”
“I...” At last Grace understood what he was trying to say. “That is...”
“Then why do you find it so hard to believe God would forgive you as you forgave Charlotte?” Rupert took her left hand and lifted it to his lips. “Please trust your heart to my love and to the Lord’s grace.”
Could it truly be as simple as that? Simple, perhaps, but not easy.
From dark depths of Grace’s memory the voices of her stepmother and her teachers emerged to recite a long litany of her faults that justified their hostility and harsh treatment. The men who had pursued her joined in, claiming she had invited their dishonorable attentions.
But then the voices of Rebecca and her other friends rose in protest, saying she was worthy of their support and affection. Charlotte, Phoebe and Sophie joined in her defense. So did their father.
Grace lifted her eyes to meet his. “Perhaps...”
That seemed to be all the encouragement he needed. Every shadow of the frustration and sorrow she’d glimpsed in his eyes of late vanished. More than any words, his loving gaze assured her that the feelings he professed were entirely sincere and that her love could help him find the happiness she so wanted for him.
“We will talk to the girls in the morning.” Rupert lifted her hand to his lips. “If after that you still believe our marriage would destroy the affection they now have for you, I suppose we could carry on as we have been and wait to wed until they are grown and married. It would not be easy for me but for their sake and yours, I could wait.”
His offer soothed the worst of her fears. Gingerly, Grace raised a hand to stroke his cheek. Rupert leaned into that delicate caress with a murmur of supreme contentment.
Now that she was certain of his feelings and hers, it would not be easy to wait so long. She must trust in the girls’ understanding, in Rupert’s love and most of all in the power of grace.
Rupert rose early the next morning, propelled by a volatile mixture of eagerness and anxiety. He could not blame Grace for her difficulty in accepting good fortune when he could scarcely believe his.
For the sake of his daughters he had resigned himself to pining in secret for their beautiful governess. But when she had seen through his disguised feelings and offered to help unite him with the woman she thought he loved, he could not tell whether it meant she cared nothing for him... or everything. He only knew he must be as truthful with her as he’d urged her to be with him. His reward had been to discover how much she cared for him and his daughters.
Thinking of the girls provoked his unease. Last night, seeking to persuade Grace, he had been certain his beloved daughters would be no stumbling block to his happiness. In the cool light of an autumn morning he was not so sure.