Mrs. Cadmore arched one raven eyebrow and fixed him with an icy glare. “And why was that, pray?”
“For the same reason you should have refused me if I had proposed.” Much as he regretted aspects of his conduct, Rupert no longer doubted he had done the right thing. “Because I do not love you, nor do I believe you have any tender feelings for me. I persuaded myself that did not matter to me only to discover... it does.”
The lady’s fan snapped shut. “Sentimental nonsense! I took you for a rational, practical man of property, Lord Steadwell, not some calf-eyed schoolboy. I find you a most attractive gentleman and excellent company. I have no doubt we could have grown quite fond of one another in time.”
Rupert gave a decisive shake of his head. “You may always rely upon me as a friend and neighbor, but I now realize it would have been a grave mistake for us to marry without love.”
Mrs. Cadmore sniffed. “It’s that governess, isn’t it? I saw her in church last week and scarcely recognized her without that hideous cap and spectacles. I suppose she made herself look plain and respectable to gain a footing in your household, then threw off the disguise to catch your fancy.”
“That is not true!” Rupert protested, shaken to discover the intensity of outrage an insult to Grace provoked in him. “Miss Ellerby is an excellent governess to my daughters, whatever her appearance. But she is nothing more to me than that.”
He wanted to assure Mrs. Cadmore that Grace had nothing to do with the change in his intentions toward her, but that would not be true.
But was it true that Grace Ellerby meant nothing more to him than any other valued employee? Rupert’s conscience demanded an honest answer as he took his leave of Mrs. Cadmore and rode back home.
Certainly he wanted it to be true, especially after their discussion about Grace remaining at Nethercross. The last thing he needed was to lose his heart to a woman he had promised not to subject to any romantic attentions, when she would now surely attract the interest of other men. His only hope of keeping Grace in his household lay in stifling whatever tender feelings sought to take root in his heart. As for other men who might try to steal her away, he must hope her past experiences would make her too wary to encourage them, even if their intentions were honorable.
Somehow it troubled Rupert to think of keeping her at Nethercross, bound by the force of her fears. Much as she obviously cared for his daughters, was it fair to deny her the opportunity to enjoy a home and family of her own?
Those worries continued to nag at him as the weeks passed and Parliament recessed. Like his fellow peers he headed to the country, though not to devote every waking moment to hunting, as many of them would. Instead he looked forward to supervising the harvest and spending more time with his daughters... which meant more time in the company of Grace Ellerby.
He tried to persuade himself it was no different than when she’d first come to Nethercross but soon realized that was not true. Every time she appeared, he had to stifle a gasp of wonder at her delicate, golden beauty and ask himself how he could have been blind to it for so long.
Perhaps because she felt safe and able to be herself, her face had taken on a luminous quality, as if a devoted ray of sunshine followed her everywhere. With her eyes no longer hidden behind those hideous pinched spectacles, Rupert could see they were a soft, winsome blue, like the sky in those first moments after daybreak. When she smiled, as she now did so often, he could not help but admire the generous shape and the ripe color of her lips. How hard she must have worked to hide those attractive features from his notice.
Her looks were not all that had transformed. Her manner took on a sparkle of animation and her voice a sweet lilt. Her laughter set something alight inside Rupert, beckoning him to join in. Yet beneath those superficial changes remained all the fine qualities he had valued in plain, severe Miss Ellerby—a gentleness of spirit, a quick mind and a nurturing heart.
He began to suspect he had been half in love with her long before that fateful masquerade. Had he willfully ignored any fleeting glimpses of her beauty out of a secret fear that it might force him to acknowledge his feelings for what they were?
Now he struggled to fight those feelings, knowing what they could cost him if he allowed them to overwhelm his stubborn will. But every day he lost a bit more ground and some traitorous part of him cheered those small defeats.
Being with her in the company of his daughters was a joy that made his heart swell with new life, but it no longer satisfied his thirst for her companionship. He wanted to spend time alone with Grace Ellerby, learning more about her. He wanted to confide in her and seek her advice. He wanted to learn how she felt and offer his support.
Even as he tumbled down that slippery slope, wondering when he would strike bottom, Rupert knew he did not dare act upon his feelings or he might frighten Grace away. He also knew from bitter experience what that loss would do to him.
Was this how happily ever after was supposed to feel? Grace pondered that question as she and the girls joined their father at the traditional feast he hosted for his tenants to celebrate the harvest. In most ways, the past several weeks had been among the happiest she’d ever experienced. Life at Nethercross had returned to the way it should be—the way it had been before Rupert took the notion to remarry.
For Grace, life was far better because she no longer needed to hide behind that horrid old cap and her father’s spectacles. Rather than stifling her pleasure for fear it would spoil her disguise of plain severity, she could now smile when she felt like smiling, which was a great deal of the time.
The opportunity to be herself without fear of criticism or unwelcome attention was a blessing she had not known since childhood and one for which she would always be grateful. She owed so much to Lord Steadwell—far more than she could ever repay. But she was trying to repay him by approaching her duties in a new way. She had always been diligent in carrying them out, but now she threw herself into her work with zest. More and more she found that teaching was not simply a respectable means to support herself, but a true vocation that brought her enormous fulfillment.