“So? Now you know what not to do,” he told her.
“I'm just not ...” she didn't know how to articulate her feelings. “It's one thing to follow my heart to pursue my dreams – it's quite another to follow it over a cliff into a disastrous relationship. I don't want to give something to him if it's just going to get broken.”
“That's how love goes, sweetie. You have to have faith.”
“I do not -”
“Oh, hush. You're so in love with him, it's turned you stupid,” he called her out. She started laughing.
“You turn mean when you talk about love.”
“Well, I've had a lot of experience. Did I ever tell you how your mother and I got started?”
“Yes, you met in school – took one look at her across the track field, and it was love at first sight,” she replied. She'd been told the story many times.
“That's how we met – how we actually got started, though, is quite a different story. I never wanted to tell you before because, to be honest, it's kind of embarrassing,” he sighed. She raised her eyebrows. She couldn't imagine her parents doing anything embarrassing.
“What happened?”
“Because she was dating my best friend when I saw her at that track meet,” he said in a simple voice. Katya gasped and pressed a hand to her chest.
“What!? You never said that! But … but … but I thought you guys went out that same night!?” she asked.
“We did. They'd only been dating a short while, I'd never met Herb's girlfriend, and she'd never met Herb's roommate. I asked her out and she said yes, that's all I cared about.”
“Okay … so you guys didn't know, I guess that's not such a big deal.”
“Well, it wouldn't be, if she'd stopped dating Herb to date me.”
“She must have, though.”
“No. You know how we went to dinner and went dancing and parked at the air field to talk,” he continued.
“Yes, I remember that part.”
“Well, we didn't just talk.”
“I'm going to be ill, oh god.”
“Oh, stop it,” he rolled his eyes. “I was swept away by her! Here was this tall, gorgeous, auburn haired goddess. So funny, with these big beautiful blue eyes, and so smart, I could barely keep up with her. I told you, for me, it was love at first sight. Didn't matter if we were sinning in the back seat of an old Pontiac – I already had plans to marry her.”
Katya groaned and pressed her hand against her forehead.
“So Mom cheated on her boyfriend with you the first night she met you.”
“Yes. And for several weeks after.”
“Seriously. Vomit. Everywhere.”
“See, it may have been love at first sight for me,” he continued. “But it wasn't for her. She thought we were just having fun. How do you kids say it? I was her side-chick.”
Katya burst out laughing, “close enough, Dad.”
“It took her a little longer to fall in love with me, and right about the time it finally happened, Herb and I found out about each other. I was so mad – that she would come between me and my friend, that she didn't care about my feelings, and that she didn't seem to love me back. After she came clean, I kicked her out of my car on the side of the street, just left her there in the middle of the night,” he told her.
“Jesus, Dad. You're a stone cold badass.”
“It wasn't very nice,” he admitted. “But I was fairly convinced that I hated her. I cried on the way home, and then had to tell Herb, who wanted to kick me out. It was awful.”
“Sounds awful,” she said. “I can't believe this! Mom was some … crazy, sex-fiend coed!”
“Crazy is going a bit far.”
“Oh, but sex-fiend isn't?”
“Well ...”
She made a retching noise and covered her mouth.
“I wish I could unhear most of this. I can't believe it. The woman who used to measure my skirts before I left the house was a wild child in college.”
“That's why she went so overboard – I think she was scared you'd make the same mistakes she made.”
“Well, obviously you forgave her. What did she have to do to get back in your good graces?” Katya asked. He shrugged.
“Nothing, really.”
“What!? No, I don't believe that,” she shook her head.
“She apologized, of course. There were lots of tears and lots of phone calls. She showed up at my parents' country club one time, when I was playing a round with my father. I'll never forget that fight – I'm still banned from the club.”
“Holy shit.”
“Language, young lady!” her dad said sternly. “But no, it wasn't easy. I was so angry at her. But you know what? I really did love her. And when you love someone, forgiveness comes easier.”
“But how did you know she wouldn't just hurt you again? I mean, if she was so thoughtless and selfish before … how were you so sure she'd changed?” Katya was curious.
“I couldn't be sure. I could only be sure that I loved her.”
“So that's it? You were in love, so you just blindly forgave everything? I'm sorry, but that's not how it works, Dad,” she said.
“I didn't say that, did I? But you act like trust is something that happens overnight. That trust should be given the first time you meet someone, and then it gets chipped away at with every mistake they make. No. Trust isn't something that's gained OR rebuilt over night.
“If you truly care about someone, then it takes work. Hard, tough, difficult, and sometimes just plain god awful work. Your mistake isn't thinking you can't forgive Wulf, because clearly, you already have. Your mistake is thinking that forgiving someone automatically takes away all the hard work that goes into the relationship. You think saying 'I'm sorry' should magically make the hurt and heartache go away. Well, it doesn't – 'I'm sorry' are just the first two words at the very beginning of a lot of conversations and a very long road of work. Welcome to love, sweetie.”
Katya blinked her eyes, feeling like she'd just gotten hit in the head with a baseball bat. He'd nailed it, because she really had thought that way. Wulf had said “I'm sorry” and she'd said “I forgive you”, and when feelings of relief hadn't instantly replaced feelings of hurt, she'd figured it meant those words weren't enough.
“But I just ...” she mumbled. “I just don't know if I believe all that.”
“Then maybe you don't care about him as much as I thought you did,” her dad sighed, then his chair started rolling away from her. “But I'll tell you what – if I had behaved the way you are, and if I had held onto the hurt your mother had caused, and had refused to work through the pain and anger with her, you wouldn't be here, and I would've missed out on twenty-five years with the most amazing human being I've ever known.”
“And what if I do all this – I talk to him and I put in the work and I go through the pain, and it all turns to shit, anyway?”
“Then at least you can say you tried. Never took you for a quitter, sweetie. I'm a little surprised, to be honest, you're usually such a fighter. Wulf clearly tried his damnedest to work something out with you – maybe he just loved you more.”